New Thoughts, New Season
Wow, five weeks inbetween posts. It's hard to think that five weeks ago I was packing for the coast, contemplating breaking up with my now ex-boyfriend, and promising myself that somewhere in this world I was going to find that one person who would fit me.
Now, I'm moved out and moved in, I'm waiting on college with baited breath, figuring out the best way to lure in a new crush, and contemplating quitting some things and picking up others.
I have an issue with piano. I love playing, but the only reason I work at it is to please my mother and my teacher. I love playing just to play. I hate playing with a deadline. But without a deadline, I don't learn anything, and if I don't learn anything I don't get any better. I'm such a perfectionist it hurts. I've had the performers creed instilled in me since birth, "Practice makes perfect, and your audience deserves no less." Fuck audiences. I play because something in me needs it, not because I want someone to hear me. But because of this need, I may quit lessons. I haven't had one in a month and a half and honestly, if I'm not going to put the work in, why should my mother pay?
She'll cry when I drop this bomb. She always does when I make decisions for myself. And we were supposed to do a recital in January, but neither of us have even begun to learn our music yet. and you can't do a recital in 3 months. At least, I can't. More power to you if you think you can. IN fact, god fucking speed to you.
College is college, I really don't care, but I'm so hungry for knowledge that now I know I have to play the game to get what I want.....
And the crush thing? Well...Cody called me out last night on not being able to put myself emotionally on the line. It's a new time in my life, maybe it's time I started. Like I've always told myself, I'm young and capable of fixing broken emotions now and in a much faster time frame than when I get older, I might as well use that resiliancy to it's fullest potential.
Dear Someone,
Brace yourself,
Love,
Bug
Now, I'm moved out and moved in, I'm waiting on college with baited breath, figuring out the best way to lure in a new crush, and contemplating quitting some things and picking up others.
I have an issue with piano. I love playing, but the only reason I work at it is to please my mother and my teacher. I love playing just to play. I hate playing with a deadline. But without a deadline, I don't learn anything, and if I don't learn anything I don't get any better. I'm such a perfectionist it hurts. I've had the performers creed instilled in me since birth, "Practice makes perfect, and your audience deserves no less." Fuck audiences. I play because something in me needs it, not because I want someone to hear me. But because of this need, I may quit lessons. I haven't had one in a month and a half and honestly, if I'm not going to put the work in, why should my mother pay?
She'll cry when I drop this bomb. She always does when I make decisions for myself. And we were supposed to do a recital in January, but neither of us have even begun to learn our music yet. and you can't do a recital in 3 months. At least, I can't. More power to you if you think you can. IN fact, god fucking speed to you.
College is college, I really don't care, but I'm so hungry for knowledge that now I know I have to play the game to get what I want.....
And the crush thing? Well...Cody called me out last night on not being able to put myself emotionally on the line. It's a new time in my life, maybe it's time I started. Like I've always told myself, I'm young and capable of fixing broken emotions now and in a much faster time frame than when I get older, I might as well use that resiliancy to it's fullest potential.
Dear Someone,
Brace yourself,
Love,
Bug