(no subject)
i could hear the cracklying sound of the cigarette in my hand
i was alone, sitting on a sidewalk...
i had spent the last of my cash on a shit show, got made fun of because of my hair, burnt my hair, got a cut on my finger that hurts like a bitch, and the night ended up being nothing like what i wanted. all feelings i had are now gone. all the past feelings ive had are submerging. for one person that i passed up, and am wanting now. i dont like it. im as fucking fickle as sarah. i bitched at her for it tonight. she wouldn't fucking stop talking about this one boy. it was this one boy she couldn't have, and even if she could, she wouldn't do anything about it anyway. i wish people were a little more forward at times. i wish other people would take chances like i sometimes do. i want to have someone that i don't have to toy around with. i want a straightforward relationship, where we both know what we want, and we both take chances in giving what the other wants. i know that if i start talking to her more again, she will come to me. shes the exact girl version of myself. and i love it. i want it so bad. or do i just want someone? thats probably it. i just want someone to be there for me, someone that i wouldn't have to say anything to, and she would just be there for me. she would tell me what i want to hear. say what i want to be said. cooperate. i know it might not be to hard. but i have a conscience. (i think thats how you spell it) i think its because of the friends ive made. they tell me things i don't want to hear. say things that i don't want to be said. do the things that i don't want to happen. they don't give me support. they don't fucking care. and i hate it. i need new friends. i know those friends already. i know exactly the right people for me. but i dont quite fit in. ive been making better friends with one or two of them. maybe three. but it would take awhile. i hope my schedule doesn't get switched around too much. something tells me that im not going to get into intro to media. and that i will get switched into 2nd period currie. that could be good/bad. i know a couple people. 2 of which would sit in the back of the room, and snicker, spread lies, hate, and create darkness. i hate those people. i knew one of them way before the other, and yet, he sticks with the wrong person. the person that betrayed me so many times. the person that hates, with no reason to hate. she got what she wanted. she doesn't have me. she has a new guy. why does she need to hate? she needs to be hurt. in the way she hurts others. i want her to cry. i want her to hate what she did. i want her to repent what she did to me.
ive thought things over
i once said that i didn't think there was enough, between me and her. that it wouldn't last. i don't believe that anymore.
i was alone, sitting on a sidewalk...
i had spent the last of my cash on a shit show, got made fun of because of my hair, burnt my hair, got a cut on my finger that hurts like a bitch, and the night ended up being nothing like what i wanted. all feelings i had are now gone. all the past feelings ive had are submerging. for one person that i passed up, and am wanting now. i dont like it. im as fucking fickle as sarah. i bitched at her for it tonight. she wouldn't fucking stop talking about this one boy. it was this one boy she couldn't have, and even if she could, she wouldn't do anything about it anyway. i wish people were a little more forward at times. i wish other people would take chances like i sometimes do. i want to have someone that i don't have to toy around with. i want a straightforward relationship, where we both know what we want, and we both take chances in giving what the other wants. i know that if i start talking to her more again, she will come to me. shes the exact girl version of myself. and i love it. i want it so bad. or do i just want someone? thats probably it. i just want someone to be there for me, someone that i wouldn't have to say anything to, and she would just be there for me. she would tell me what i want to hear. say what i want to be said. cooperate. i know it might not be to hard. but i have a conscience. (i think thats how you spell it) i think its because of the friends ive made. they tell me things i don't want to hear. say things that i don't want to be said. do the things that i don't want to happen. they don't give me support. they don't fucking care. and i hate it. i need new friends. i know those friends already. i know exactly the right people for me. but i dont quite fit in. ive been making better friends with one or two of them. maybe three. but it would take awhile. i hope my schedule doesn't get switched around too much. something tells me that im not going to get into intro to media. and that i will get switched into 2nd period currie. that could be good/bad. i know a couple people. 2 of which would sit in the back of the room, and snicker, spread lies, hate, and create darkness. i hate those people. i knew one of them way before the other, and yet, he sticks with the wrong person. the person that betrayed me so many times. the person that hates, with no reason to hate. she got what she wanted. she doesn't have me. she has a new guy. why does she need to hate? she needs to be hurt. in the way she hurts others. i want her to cry. i want her to hate what she did. i want her to repent what she did to me.
ive thought things over
i once said that i didn't think there was enough, between me and her. that it wouldn't last. i don't believe that anymore.