(no subject)
It's bedtime for me, but an overwhelming cornucopia of thoughts/emotions are confusing me, so I figured, much like a pensieve, LJ-ing might help me untwist them.
Tonight we went out to dinner with my mom's friend's family - she's been friends with this woman since grad school, so quite some time, but this is the first time I've met the family, which included the woman's parents, her two siblings and their spouses and two nieces. It was a family gathering to celebrate her mom's birthday, and we were invited, yay.
I was really moved, though, when I realized that the gathering was more than just a birthday celebration, but also a graduation/congratulations function in my honor. I don't even know these people! It's only recently that I've even gotten to know my mom's friend, let alone the family! And yet they're nice enough to acknowledge my graduation. (when she introduced me, saying I just graduated, am off to MIT, and that this was also a celebration of that, they all clapped) At the end, the waitresses brought out cheesecake for the mother, and we all sang happy birthday, but also brought out a chocolate mousse cake for me (so rich! so good!) which surprised me. Not that I was sung to or anything, but it was more the gesture, you know, that they had pre-ordered that or whatever for me. The evening ended with the two nieces presenting a gift from the family - really pretty earrings/necklace of gold, with different Hawaiian designs engraved, plus a box of See's Chocolates from the mother. It was just really sweet, you know, that essentially a bunch of strangers would willingly do that. One of the brothers didn't actually know what MIT was, nor did he know what a Nobel Prize was - so it was sort of like, he clapped, and possibly chipped in for the jewelry not knowing me, and really not knowing much of the world I'm entering...it just seemed very warm, you know, in the sense that he was happy for me, despite not knowing exactly why I was happy. Selfless, that's the closest I can come to describing it.
Today, my mom and I went shopping together (I got new shoes!) which was really reminiscent of the times we used to go together when we lived here. We ate at McDonalds, like we used to (the outings were so rare and precious, that at that time, I revered McDonalds at Ala Moana with Mom) and it was just very nice. At the same time, I felt like she was a bit sad - part of it was probably 'cause this morning got off to a bumpy start (long story short - my dad shrunk my brother's brand new jeans in the dryer, everyone got mad at everyone else, 'cept me; I was sort of out of the picture, in that An was disappointed, Dad was upset that An is so finicky about his clothes, and my mom was mad because she was the one who paid for those jeans etc) but another part of it was likely because she/An are leaving the day after tomorrow, so this is probably the last amount of time the two of us will spend together for quite some time.
I felt like her sadness was bleeding into me. If it weren't for her, I don't think I'd feel that bad about leaving. Andre will be fine, and my dad is happy for me that I'm off to MIT - not that she isn't, but because he knows the place better than she does, it's a little easier letting go. But my mom and me, well, I guess we depend on one another's presence for tea times and outings. And I get to go off and spend a the rest of the year living, studying and having fun with friends, but she's sort of left behind. I feel that way about Claire, too, since she's a junior, and (I believe) she was closest to me and Laura, and we both graduated..so we get to go off on this whole new adventure, but she gets left behind. Though unlike my mom, Claire's only temporarily left behind. I'm sure both of them will be fine, life goes on, I don't think either will fall into a deep depression or anything...but it doesn't change the fact that they'll both have a rather difficult adjustment. So that makes me sad, that it'll potentially be hard on them. It's harder to see other people sad than to actually be sad yourself, because you can't really do a whole lot.
So for that reason, I don't think I'll do the accelerated math track that I wrote about a month or so ago. As it turns out, that course runs through a part of the year called IAP. IAP is after winter break, and it's a series of fun activities for a month, just to relax the brain. Well, and a few courses, as in the case of this math course. Anyway, my dad didn't want me to do IAP for my mom's sake - if I choose not to do this, I get till Feb off, so more time to spend at home. I'm sure it's for the best...all things happen for the best of all possible reasons, right?
That was actually a sidetrack, the math thing, but I guess my original point was, it's hard to leave my mom behind. Not for my sake, but for hers. I know she'll be alright; she'll have my dad and brother, but I think it's hard for her to let me go...it's not as difficult for me, because like I said, you know, I'm off to a new world, and couldn't be more thrilled. I guess all parents go through this, but it is a quite sad, you know, to think of her going to tea on her own and all.
Tonight we went out to dinner with my mom's friend's family - she's been friends with this woman since grad school, so quite some time, but this is the first time I've met the family, which included the woman's parents, her two siblings and their spouses and two nieces. It was a family gathering to celebrate her mom's birthday, and we were invited, yay.
I was really moved, though, when I realized that the gathering was more than just a birthday celebration, but also a graduation/congratulations function in my honor. I don't even know these people! It's only recently that I've even gotten to know my mom's friend, let alone the family! And yet they're nice enough to acknowledge my graduation. (when she introduced me, saying I just graduated, am off to MIT, and that this was also a celebration of that, they all clapped) At the end, the waitresses brought out cheesecake for the mother, and we all sang happy birthday, but also brought out a chocolate mousse cake for me (so rich! so good!) which surprised me. Not that I was sung to or anything, but it was more the gesture, you know, that they had pre-ordered that or whatever for me. The evening ended with the two nieces presenting a gift from the family - really pretty earrings/necklace of gold, with different Hawaiian designs engraved, plus a box of See's Chocolates from the mother. It was just really sweet, you know, that essentially a bunch of strangers would willingly do that. One of the brothers didn't actually know what MIT was, nor did he know what a Nobel Prize was - so it was sort of like, he clapped, and possibly chipped in for the jewelry not knowing me, and really not knowing much of the world I'm entering...it just seemed very warm, you know, in the sense that he was happy for me, despite not knowing exactly why I was happy. Selfless, that's the closest I can come to describing it.
Today, my mom and I went shopping together (I got new shoes!) which was really reminiscent of the times we used to go together when we lived here. We ate at McDonalds, like we used to (the outings were so rare and precious, that at that time, I revered McDonalds at Ala Moana with Mom) and it was just very nice. At the same time, I felt like she was a bit sad - part of it was probably 'cause this morning got off to a bumpy start (long story short - my dad shrunk my brother's brand new jeans in the dryer, everyone got mad at everyone else, 'cept me; I was sort of out of the picture, in that An was disappointed, Dad was upset that An is so finicky about his clothes, and my mom was mad because she was the one who paid for those jeans etc) but another part of it was likely because she/An are leaving the day after tomorrow, so this is probably the last amount of time the two of us will spend together for quite some time.
I felt like her sadness was bleeding into me. If it weren't for her, I don't think I'd feel that bad about leaving. Andre will be fine, and my dad is happy for me that I'm off to MIT - not that she isn't, but because he knows the place better than she does, it's a little easier letting go. But my mom and me, well, I guess we depend on one another's presence for tea times and outings. And I get to go off and spend a the rest of the year living, studying and having fun with friends, but she's sort of left behind. I feel that way about Claire, too, since she's a junior, and (I believe) she was closest to me and Laura, and we both graduated..so we get to go off on this whole new adventure, but she gets left behind. Though unlike my mom, Claire's only temporarily left behind. I'm sure both of them will be fine, life goes on, I don't think either will fall into a deep depression or anything...but it doesn't change the fact that they'll both have a rather difficult adjustment. So that makes me sad, that it'll potentially be hard on them. It's harder to see other people sad than to actually be sad yourself, because you can't really do a whole lot.
So for that reason, I don't think I'll do the accelerated math track that I wrote about a month or so ago. As it turns out, that course runs through a part of the year called IAP. IAP is after winter break, and it's a series of fun activities for a month, just to relax the brain. Well, and a few courses, as in the case of this math course. Anyway, my dad didn't want me to do IAP for my mom's sake - if I choose not to do this, I get till Feb off, so more time to spend at home. I'm sure it's for the best...all things happen for the best of all possible reasons, right?
That was actually a sidetrack, the math thing, but I guess my original point was, it's hard to leave my mom behind. Not for my sake, but for hers. I know she'll be alright; she'll have my dad and brother, but I think it's hard for her to let me go...it's not as difficult for me, because like I said, you know, I'm off to a new world, and couldn't be more thrilled. I guess all parents go through this, but it is a quite sad, you know, to think of her going to tea on her own and all.