Panic - Ch.18/?? - ReitaxRuki
Title: Panic
Author: shurikenwielder
Disclaimer: Keep dreaming
Chapters: 18/??
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Psychological
Pairing(s): ReitaxRuki
Warnings: Language, neglect, teasing
Description: You could think a lot of things about a person. That they were weird, stupid, funny, egotistic. How some you enjoy the company of and others you feel like pushing off a cliff. Since the first day thoughts of the Ruki flooded Akira's mind. Now he's determined to uncover the other's mystery.
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11/A - Chapter 11/B - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17
Previous:
[The older man answered in a voice just as quiet as the other's. "I guess just in the between state of your mind and what lies beyond death."
"S-so I'm not dead?"
The other smiled. "No. That hasn't been decided yet."
The younger's eyebrows rose. "Decided by who?"
"You of course."
"Why would I decide whether or not I want to die? Of course I want to live."
Uruha sighed. "That's what I thought you'd say. But Ruki…"
The blond looked up at the redhead with innocent eyes. "What is it Uruha?" The redhead was never worried or hesitant about anything. What could it be?
He stopped at the other's next words.
"I want you to die and come with me."]
Now:
Ruki blinked wide eyed at Uruha. "What...?"
Uruha smiled and caressed the pale face. "That's what you always wanted right? To be with me forever?"
The blond only stared in shock.
"But…" he began to hyperventilate and panic. "I-I never meant it that way! I-I… I never said I wanted to die!"
"But you never said you wanted to live either," the other suddenly grit out eyes turning hard. "Do you not want to be with me? Why would you ever do such a selfish thing?"
Ruki cringed under the gaze. He was scared. Uruha was never this angry, this cruel.
"I-I didn't mean to be selfish-" he tried to start but was cut off by the other.
"Then why are you?!"
Ruki shuddered and whimpered. "U-uruha…"
"Why?!" the other screamed. "WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN SELFISH?!"
"I'M NOT!" Ruki found himself screaming. Tears fell from his eyes as he looked up at the other, the man that used to be his everything. "I'm not selfish… you are…"
He pulled himself out of the other's hold and stood far back.
Uruha's eyes immediately softened. "Don't you see? What they've done to you… Those humans…" he took hesitant steps forward. "Those monsters… they're changing you."
"They haven't changed anything about me," the blond found himself saying defiantly. "In fact, they're helping become myself."
Uruha shook his head. "This isn't you Ruki."
The younger looked up surprised and felt anger course through his veins. His hands balled into fists at his sides and trembled.
"How would you know how I'm supposed to be and who I am?" He lifted his eyes, showing his furious and tear filled eyes. "I'm whoever I want to be." He swallowed nervously, but continued to stand tall. "And I don't need you anymore."
The blond immediately looked up as Uruha growled.
"Traitor…" the redhead hissed. "They've changed you into a monster just like them… I used to know you. You're better than this. You're capable of so much more-!"
"I'M ONLY HUMAN!" Ruki found himself screaming. "I'm only human… and there's a skeleton in me but that doesn't make me a monster." He looked the other in the eye. "You're the monster Uruha!"
"You're a traitor! I helped keep you safe all these years from those humans!"
"You didn't do anything!" the younger roughly wiped at his eyes in frustration. "I did everything! Just because I don't follow your orders that doesn't make me a traitor! I was only a tool for you over these years. To collect the hate, the shame, the beatings from everyone that you made me hurt… from your victims... but you know what Uruha? You couldn't bring everyone down… Akira, Yutaka, Yuu; they're all still with me. They never left me."
"And if you leave them?" Uruha's eyes were hard and black. "You're dying as we speak," he said and pointed towards a small mirror-like pool showing the Earth beneath them.
"Akira…" he gasped and quickly ran to the mirror.
The brunette lay kneeled on the ground, shoulders shaking and tears streaming out of his eyes faster than what seemed humanly possible.
"Ruki…" Akira whispered, staring over the cliff. It had all seemed to have happened in slow motion, his lover being thrown over the edge, his blood curdling screams as he fell. The hopelessness Akira felt during it all nearly tore him apart. He hiccuped and gripped the grass beneath him tightly, tearing it from it's mossy roots and slammed his fists right back into the ground as he screamed all of his sorrow into the air.
"Akira!" Ruki quickly tried to throw himself at the glass only to find arms wrapped around him. "Uruha! Let me go!"
"You were always meant to be with me! We've been together for four years!"
"And now I've woken from a dream… at least now I'll know what it's like to sleep four years away."
Uruha only growled and held him tighter. "You're not going."
"You can't keep me here! This is my life!"
"Why can't you accept the fact you're going to die?! Why not here with me?!"
Ruki stared down at his lover curled up in a ball crying on the cold ground.
"You're right…" he whispered. The other's group loosened on him in shock.
"What?" Uruha questioned back just as softly.
"You're right," he repeated. "There's a time and a place to die…" he looked back up at the mirror. "But this isn't it."
Uruha quickly tried to grab him as he began to sprint for the mirror again, just barely catching his sleeve.
"Ruki!"
"NO!" the blond continued to squirm, even enough to the point where he felt his sleeve begin to tear. "AKIRA!"
"Think about the future we could have!"
"NO!" he screamed. There was no future with Uruha. Not anymore. This imagination of his had stolen four years of his life away. It was time. He continued to thrash and scream ignoring the other's words.
And then it happened.
His sleeve tore.
It all seemed to happen in slow motion for him; the force of his body racing towards the light, the screams of Uruha behind him, his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. He only vaguely heard himself scream Akira's name as his body erupted into blistering white pain.
And then nothing.
- -
Beep… beep…
Ruki jolted straight up in bed with a shock. Panicked breaths came from his slightly parted lips as small scared eyes searched the room around him.
White walls surrounded him and his eyes locked on the sound of snoring next to him.
“Y-yutaka...?” he wheezed. “Y-uu?” Where was Akira? His eyes widened as he realized that he never did know what his lover had done to his mother after he had been pushed from the cliff, or worse, what his mother did to him. Ruki gave a choked hiccup at the thought.
“Nn?” Yutaka was the first of his brothers to rouse from his sleep. His eyes immediately went wide as they slowly landed on him. “T-ta...” he stuttered, blinking as if the picture of his conscious sibling would fade any moment and then the reality of him being in a coma would return. It was after a shared moments of staring at each other that the other could finally stumble out his name.
“T-takanori...” he said and slowly rose from his chair. “You're awake?”
“Yes...” he looked around the room desperately as if expecting his lover to suddenly come back into the room and say that he had merely been to the bathroom or to go eat.
“Oh thank god...” Yutaka covered his mouth with his eyes as tears welled up in his eyes. “Yuu!” he ushered and vigorously shook his sibling's shoulder.
“What?” the eldest quickly mumbled as he ended his sleep. He looked up at his sibling with groggy eyes and asked, “What's wrong?”
Yutaka grinned large with a watery tear filled smile and gestured over towards the bed. “Takanori's awake.”
“What?” the elder quickly sat up straight and shot his eyes straight to the bed to see their youngest sibling, alive and well, awake on the bed.
“Taka...” he sighed and smiled, lifting a huge weight off of his chest that had been present for months now. “You're okay...”
Ruki continued to look worriedly around the room, his behavior finally beginning to be noticed by his brothers.
“Taka?” Yuu asked. “What's wrong?”
“Where's Akira?” he asked quickly. His worry only increased when the other frowned, looking down at the floor in guilt.
“M-mother...” the other swallowed. “S-she.. she killed him.”
Ruki stared back confused. Surely the other had to have the wrong Akira in mind. Mother wouldn't have... she couldn't of.
“Not that Akira.” He looked back and forth between his siblings when the two shared a sullen look. “Akira Suzuki.” Eyes only stared back at him. “Akira! M-my boyfriend, my lover.
Yutaka shook his head, eyes becoming watery too. “Taka I'm sorry but-”
“AKIRA!” he screamed. They had to have it wrong. The wrong person. Akira wasn't dead. He had saw him.
Everyone in the room fell silent in shock and fear when the younger screamed the name. It only rose when the younger began to thrash and cry on the bed, heart monitor beeping wildly beside him as his tantrum only got worse.
“Takanori-”
“WHERE'S AKIRA?!” the blond only screamed louder when his siblings held down his arms. “WHERE'S MY AKI?!” he continued to thrash and landed a sharp kick to his eldest brother's stomach causing his sibling to double over in pain, letting go of his limb. Yutaka was quick to grab both with one hand, pinning them above the smaller one's head. He quickly climbed on top of him to stop the other from kicking him as well while with the other hand he rapidly pressed the nurse call button for help.
It was only moments later that doctors and nurses came rushing in and held him down while he continued to scream.
“AKI!” he called out when he felt a needle press into his skin. “AKI HELP ME!!!” he pleaded when the faces and ceiling above him began to blur. Sounds faded out into the distance until they soon became nothing and allowed the black to swallow him.
…
See?
Ruki quickly tried to open his eyes at the sound of the voice to find out who it belonged to but found them feeling as if they were glued shut.
U-uruha?
A soft yet dark chuckle echoed through his mind. Yes...
B-but I thought I got rid of you... I-I did. I ran away and-
You woke up into my alternate reality. I'm really proud of you Ruki. Even though everyone was doubting you your heart still immediately knew that you love Akira. Even when I made you choose between him and me.
Ruki mentally frowned. He had chose? Had that whole scenario only have been a hallucination?
What? he thought. What do you mean alternate reality? What... w-what did I choose?
He brought his mind back to focus when the other spoke up again.
A scenario? God no. I mean the whole thing, he paused a moment before elaborating when he got no answer. The whole thing Ruki. Akira isn't real. He never was. I made him up. You're still in a coma from that accident from four years ago.
Ruki's mind was swimming. Akira... not real? His heart ached at the thought. He wanted to believe Uruha was lying but he couldn't bring himself to. Evil and deceitful he was, he wasn't a liar.
Why? he managed to croak out. Why would you trick me like that? Let me find love and then... just tear it away...
Uruha smiled. Because love is the only thing strong enough to make someone's true-self come out. Look at you. Your more confident than ever. You even stood up to me, of all people, just for him.
But why? Ruki was near sobbing at this point. Now I'll... I-I'll never see him again.
I didn't necessarily say that.
The blond paused. W-what?
All those years you obeyed me; it was to build your trust to me. And then I sent in Akira to see if you could still truly decided for yourself. He paused. Back when you fell off the cliff, if you had chosen me instead of Akira I just would have sent you back into reality. You'd wake up from your coma and you'd live life without him. He laughed happily. But you didn't. And now I want to ask you; do you want to wake up and return to reality, to your real brothers, or come back to the dream world to be with Akira and leave everyone else behind?
There was silence for several moments as Ruki took in everything. Of course he wanted to come back to Akira but he couldn't bring himself to leave his siblings. He couldn't make himself die. He didn't want to cause them the same pain he would feel if either one of them were to die.
He looked up at Uruha and took a deep breath as he finally decided.
Take me back to Akira.
- -
CHAPTER 19/FINAL
AN: Ah! I've been wanting to get to this part of the story forever! But that also means it's gonna come to an end. *cries* I can't believe I've been writing this for a year *techincally it's on the 14th but whatever* I think there may be one or two chapters left and a epilogue.
Anywayz feel free to tell me what you think! (^^")