The most uncomfortable moment in my life?? Maybe.
Last night me and a few people decided to go out (because its been long overdue...). So we went to 3 hours of karaoke (which is always fun), and decided afterwards to go to a bar to just hang out. Well, we ( Naho, Narumi, and I) went to this bar called Mac, which was actually a pretty cool place. It was really low key and played a lot of 70's and 80's rock. Really nice atmosphere. Anyway, in comes my most uncomfortable moment in my life.... (it may be long~ in comes LJ cut!)
Strange title, I know. But it's relevant. (As a quick side note, when I went out last night I went sorta dressy just because I've been losing weight and felt like looking cute for once. We hadn't planned in going to a bar after Karaoke, so I didn't dress to get hit on or anything...) Anyway, onto the story:
Naho, Narumi, and I were sitting by ourselves in the corner just hanging out and drinking. I ran out of guinness and got up to get some more. Well, when I was waiting by the bar with my 700 yen in hand, this somewhat handsome guy (I'm gay, not blind) comes up me and starts talking to me. Like, asking me where i'm from cause i'm obviously not japanese and all... he then introduces his friends who he's with (apparently they were there for business from england) and offers to buy my drink. I'm like "No, no, really, its ok...." but he physically would not let me pay. He was like "No strings attached, its just a drink". BULLSHIT
To make a long story short, we unfortunantly all ended up sitting together. I don't think Naho or Narumi minded, but I was essentially yelling at these guys to go away in my head... So we ended up just hanging out and talking for an hour or so. I don't mind talking, if it's just talking... I was in no way interested in either him or any sort of relationship, so anything other than friendly talking really made me nervous. At one point he's like "you've got a really pretty smile" and I felt like slamming my head into the wall. He just kept flirting with me! Naho then leaned in and was like "what if you told him that you're gay?" I told her it was pretty dangerous, considering almost every guy that showed any interest in me, when learning that I was either (at that time) engaged or gay, turned really mean. And considering that this guy was drinking, I just wanted to be safe than sorry... call me paranoid, but you never know.
It was about 10 minutes later that he asked me to dance, and I refused. He then continued to ask me again and again for the next 10 minutes... I don't know why... maybe because I'm too nice of a person and don't know how to be forceful, but I ended up letting up and dancing with him for one song. It was the one most uncomfortable experience in my entire life. and I hated it.. the whole time, I was thinking "I want to go home.." At one point I looked over at Naho and she gave me a look of 'are you ok??'. It just felt SO wrong.
Shortly after that, we were like "ok, we gotta go now.." I think he wanted to get my email or something, but I just left.
I wanted to cry the entire the time in the taxi going home... I'm not used to that sort of situation and it made me really uncomfortable. I don't like guys buying me drinks, flirting/complimenting me, and trying to dance with me...I DON'T LIKE GUYS (friends are fine, dont worry haha). But, there is a reason why I'm gay! I didn't choose to be like this... it really is just how I am, and last night really proved it. It felt SO SO wrong, and I don't know why, but I felt violated... I hated it :( And I hated myself for not being stronger and forceful enough to tell him 'NO'.
Naho and I were texting later and she told me "I was just worried about you. Even for me, I hate dancing with a guy who i'm not interested in. So I just thought how bad it is for gay people."
Maybe I'm overreacting about all of this, but I have just never felt so... I dont know. I dont know how to describe it... I think I may go back to sleep...