(no subject)
there are times when i feel as though i've forgotten what it means to be loved. the chance that i might be able to feel loved again are slim, and though i try with everything in me to keep my chin up...I can't help but crack under the pressure...
i want to be loved again.
i want my efforts to actually make a difference in peoples' lives.
i want to be able to be with all of my friends and share with them the memories of growing up into adulthood, looking back at our ignorance and the 'what we once were' conversations.
i want someone to call my own, be accepted for everything that i am and never feel the slightest of insecurity about her or myself.
i want to have some satisfaction in my lifestyle, seeing that what i do is actually making a difference and not feeling as though i am wasting my time.
but who doesn't want those things? its not even a difficult assumption to make that everyone wants to be happy. i myself, feel as though i would almost kill to be happy. and though thats not the right simile to make; these feelings and just the overall thought of having all those good things in life, almost seems worth it.
however, i can't help but wonder if i am just one of those people in life who are not meant for these things, these...feelings and memories of joy. I often take one long look at my life, and though I have a lot of memories of being happy...it's so hard to recall how they feel, because while i remember how good of a feeling it was to be happy...the only thing i feel these days is how badly it hurts not being happy.
i want to be loved again.
i want my efforts to actually make a difference in peoples' lives.
i want to be able to be with all of my friends and share with them the memories of growing up into adulthood, looking back at our ignorance and the 'what we once were' conversations.
i want someone to call my own, be accepted for everything that i am and never feel the slightest of insecurity about her or myself.
i want to have some satisfaction in my lifestyle, seeing that what i do is actually making a difference and not feeling as though i am wasting my time.
but who doesn't want those things? its not even a difficult assumption to make that everyone wants to be happy. i myself, feel as though i would almost kill to be happy. and though thats not the right simile to make; these feelings and just the overall thought of having all those good things in life, almost seems worth it.
however, i can't help but wonder if i am just one of those people in life who are not meant for these things, these...feelings and memories of joy. I often take one long look at my life, and though I have a lot of memories of being happy...it's so hard to recall how they feel, because while i remember how good of a feeling it was to be happy...the only thing i feel these days is how badly it hurts not being happy.