How far can you throw Friendship?
Honestly...I would have to say, as far as you can throw yourself. Which, if I am correct, isn't very far.
I had a few dreams the other night;
I was at work and sweeping around the front of the doorway. When all of a sudden, a black cat strolls through the doors. Normally, I assumed it was the cat that's always hanging around Kroger's so I didn't look to pay much attention to it. Suddenly, my friend from High School Heather walked in and was chasing the cat. Oddly enough, the cat belonged to her and she was trying to get it back.
Unfortunately, the cat ran away from her and into the store. But startled to see her, I rushed over and quickly grabbed her into a hug. But low and behold...she broke away from me and continued to run after the cat, completely ignoring me.
I don't remember completely, but I think I said.. "Well that's fucked up." or something to that nature. Anyway, I continued to sweep around the doorway when Heather walked back to the front of the door with the cat in her hand. I tried to say hello but she ignored me again and walked out. Then, I got mad and said something, can't quite remember what I said though. After I shouted, she turned around and kept apologizing over and over again.
But after being ignored twice, I simply did the same and ignored her, continuing my work...
Though I am not directing it toward just one person, but in the general sense I think that dream had a lot to do with ALL of my friends(or those I consider).
Though I've always thought this as just some worse case scenario, lately, I feel that my level of friendship with people only goes so far. Back in school it was just generally easy, but now it's not, and though there's no one to blame for it...I'd rather not keep the hopes that one day I'll get to see everyone I miss from my younger days.
The Past is what it is, and sometimes it doesn't need to be anymore than that. But there is always that part of me that wants to continue to be optimistic about it, but I won't make too much of a big deal about it anymore. I hardly have enough time to post on this journal, even with my new computer coming the most I will do online is school work and other work related things( aside from the smalltime AIM ).
But with that dream I had, I want to say it's telling me to not feel so upset if things between my friends and I change. I think the only reason I do get upset is because I try to put forth the effort to close the gap and come together with them once again, but I'm the only one trying to make the effort. Despite my schedule and what obligations I have, I always want to try and make the time. However, it doesn't always work out the way I want it and I guess I just need to come to terms with it. If it's over, then it's over. I have memories, so that says more than nothing, right?
My other dream was just a re-enactment of what happened recently. I was at Wal-Mart with Jay. And though we're just friends, I get a lot of mix-signals or just the assumption that something is still there between us. The entire time we were hanging out, I've...hugged her, held her hand, and cuddled with her while we sat down waiting for someone to come back to the service desk. Generally...that's something two friends don't do and so I want to say "Maybe there is...but she's just not trying to say anything"
However, logically, I will just call it a spur of the moment scenario. She and I were hardly ever seen as a couple in public because our of schedules, and so whenever it happens I guess one of us will make some move that'll make us look "couple" like, but not. I don't know really, I mean she probably doesn't even think this at all...but if that were the case then she wouldn't have let me reach out and hold her hand. I mean I held it for a long time and she didn't say or show any signs of restraint or discomfort. So, I am not telling myself I have a shot, when I know that I don't. Her and I are just strongly affectionate, perhaps just wanting to be apart of someone's life for just a miniscule amount of time. Pathetic, I know.
But that dream has me thinking about my romantic future and personally, I have justified it down to two people, because I will admit; there will never be another woman like Jaqui. I'm in College and I encounter different types of people on a daily basis, none of them come close...some are better in some ways, others are not. But in the end, none of them come close to a "perfect" comparison that I KNOW I'll feel comfortable being around and being myself toward them. It's just the facts, not everyone can be my friend, not just ANYONE can be my girlfriend or more.
Yet there is only one other person who I feel comfortable around, I can speak my mind and heart and she'll listen 99.9% percent of the time. So what's stopping me from trying to make a move? Her Friendship.
If I lose that I'll lose everything, and sometimes...as much as I don't want to admit it, I'll never really be the type of man she would go for. I mean, I am a lot of things fantastic(har har har), but I know what she wants and changing my lifestyle to match hers, just won't be enough. So...sigh. I'm not bitter though, so long as she keeps calling, cause I swear to Goodness my cellphone would just collect dust if she didn't call me.
Anyway...that's really it. I'm probably going to open a Myspace soon. Don't really want to, but I guess I will have enough excuse to be online.
I'll never see the future. Both my eyes seemed to be stuck watching the past, and how I wish I could go back and change it.
I had a few dreams the other night;
I was at work and sweeping around the front of the doorway. When all of a sudden, a black cat strolls through the doors. Normally, I assumed it was the cat that's always hanging around Kroger's so I didn't look to pay much attention to it. Suddenly, my friend from High School Heather walked in and was chasing the cat. Oddly enough, the cat belonged to her and she was trying to get it back.
Unfortunately, the cat ran away from her and into the store. But startled to see her, I rushed over and quickly grabbed her into a hug. But low and behold...she broke away from me and continued to run after the cat, completely ignoring me.
I don't remember completely, but I think I said.. "Well that's fucked up." or something to that nature. Anyway, I continued to sweep around the doorway when Heather walked back to the front of the door with the cat in her hand. I tried to say hello but she ignored me again and walked out. Then, I got mad and said something, can't quite remember what I said though. After I shouted, she turned around and kept apologizing over and over again.
But after being ignored twice, I simply did the same and ignored her, continuing my work...
Though I am not directing it toward just one person, but in the general sense I think that dream had a lot to do with ALL of my friends(or those I consider).
Though I've always thought this as just some worse case scenario, lately, I feel that my level of friendship with people only goes so far. Back in school it was just generally easy, but now it's not, and though there's no one to blame for it...I'd rather not keep the hopes that one day I'll get to see everyone I miss from my younger days.
The Past is what it is, and sometimes it doesn't need to be anymore than that. But there is always that part of me that wants to continue to be optimistic about it, but I won't make too much of a big deal about it anymore. I hardly have enough time to post on this journal, even with my new computer coming the most I will do online is school work and other work related things( aside from the smalltime AIM ).
But with that dream I had, I want to say it's telling me to not feel so upset if things between my friends and I change. I think the only reason I do get upset is because I try to put forth the effort to close the gap and come together with them once again, but I'm the only one trying to make the effort. Despite my schedule and what obligations I have, I always want to try and make the time. However, it doesn't always work out the way I want it and I guess I just need to come to terms with it. If it's over, then it's over. I have memories, so that says more than nothing, right?
My other dream was just a re-enactment of what happened recently. I was at Wal-Mart with Jay. And though we're just friends, I get a lot of mix-signals or just the assumption that something is still there between us. The entire time we were hanging out, I've...hugged her, held her hand, and cuddled with her while we sat down waiting for someone to come back to the service desk. Generally...that's something two friends don't do and so I want to say "Maybe there is...but she's just not trying to say anything"
However, logically, I will just call it a spur of the moment scenario. She and I were hardly ever seen as a couple in public because our of schedules, and so whenever it happens I guess one of us will make some move that'll make us look "couple" like, but not. I don't know really, I mean she probably doesn't even think this at all...but if that were the case then she wouldn't have let me reach out and hold her hand. I mean I held it for a long time and she didn't say or show any signs of restraint or discomfort. So, I am not telling myself I have a shot, when I know that I don't. Her and I are just strongly affectionate, perhaps just wanting to be apart of someone's life for just a miniscule amount of time. Pathetic, I know.
But that dream has me thinking about my romantic future and personally, I have justified it down to two people, because I will admit; there will never be another woman like Jaqui. I'm in College and I encounter different types of people on a daily basis, none of them come close...some are better in some ways, others are not. But in the end, none of them come close to a "perfect" comparison that I KNOW I'll feel comfortable being around and being myself toward them. It's just the facts, not everyone can be my friend, not just ANYONE can be my girlfriend or more.
Yet there is only one other person who I feel comfortable around, I can speak my mind and heart and she'll listen 99.9% percent of the time. So what's stopping me from trying to make a move? Her Friendship.
If I lose that I'll lose everything, and sometimes...as much as I don't want to admit it, I'll never really be the type of man she would go for. I mean, I am a lot of things fantastic(har har har), but I know what she wants and changing my lifestyle to match hers, just won't be enough. So...sigh. I'm not bitter though, so long as she keeps calling, cause I swear to Goodness my cellphone would just collect dust if she didn't call me.
Anyway...that's really it. I'm probably going to open a Myspace soon. Don't really want to, but I guess I will have enough excuse to be online.
I'll never see the future. Both my eyes seemed to be stuck watching the past, and how I wish I could go back and change it.