What a week...
I love my boyfriend...
I texted him: "If you could describe me in one word, what would it be?" In relation to that foot tattoo thing.
Rich: "Gracious."
Me: "I'm gracious?"
Rich: "Yes, you are. You give a lot."
Me: "I do?"
Rich: "Well emotionally."
Oh it just makes my heart swell!
Hahaha, I had to go to my old photobucket to get that heart... then I got sidetracked and started looking at the pictures...
Looking at these old pictures makes me really sad, and really mad at the same time. I don't know. The ones that I put up make me smile when I see them... but some of the others... who was I? I don't feel like that person anymore, and I don't think I ever really was. In those pictures, it isn't... me. At least it feels that way now that a year, two years, even three years has been separated from who I was then and who I am now.
I love who I am now, but who I am now hates who I was then. What was I thinking, doing all that stupid shit... not eating, hurting myself, and acting like someone I wasn't and loving somene I didn't? Ignoring and pushing away the ones who really cared about me? I guess I was just an average, stupid teenager who hated the world and wanted attention at the same time. I don't feel like a teenager anymore. I feel like an old lady. Everyone in all my classes thought that I was at least 21. Dan, a patient at my work, about had a heart attack when I told him I was only 18.
"I don't believe you. I do NOT believe you. You have to be at least 25." I said, no, I'm really 18... and he made me show him my drivers license for proof. I know that I don't look that old, but I talk and act like a geiser and my best girl friend is 29 with a 7 year old daughter. How entirely sad is that?
In a way, I feel like I'm missing out on so many things. I don't like to party and drink, I just don't like it. That is not normal for someone my age. When I get drunk (which in itself is very rare, I only have twice so far this year, one of those times was on New Years), I feel so irresponsible. I have school in the morning, or work, and I need to do my laundry or I have homework to do or something to follow-up on. My priorities are so in order that it disgusts me. Even my BOSS will tell me, "Please let your hair down this weekend, Lauren. It's unhealthy to not have fun."
But I think that I have fun... school is fun and work is fun. I just don't like to go out and be crazy. And it drives Rich crazy.
What's wrong with me?
The only normal thing I do is smoke. I lovvvve getting stoned. It makes me happy and it makes me think and it makes me feel good and it keeps my sex drive up high and it helps me to fall asleep really quickly.
It's the most amazing thing in the world.
Anyway... this week has been really fun and really stressful at the same time.
Monday was a normal day. School. Service-learning where I helped with their science day. Work. Sushi with Rich.
Tuesday I went to the Spring Education Conference at ASU (it was held in the student union). It was so much fun! I was really scared that I wouldn't know anyone there, but I knew like five people. But I hung out with Pam the whole time. She's in my geology class. She's 24 and is a jewelery designer. She's really cool. We went to the first seminar, which was about finacial aid for when we get to the College of Education at ASU (suuuper expensive). Then we took a tour of ASU. We walked around the entire goddam campus. It's a beautiful campus with really awesome history, but it was flippin HOT. After that, it was 12:30 and lunch time. Pam and I were starrrrving. They coordinator of the event gave everyone this kind of debit card with an $8 balance so we could get lunch. Pam and I went to the mediterranean stand and got gyro salads and pita bread. It was sooo good! That student union is nuts. So many different food places, and a bowling alley?? WHAT THE?? Craziness. Once lunchtime was ver, we went to our last seminar, and it was on what to expect from the education program at ASU. Very informative and the speakers were sooo funny.
After that, we had to go back to the main conference room for a raffle. I won a yellow shirt that says "DEVIL" on it, very cute. Once the entire Conference was over, Pam and I went to the starbucks on the first floor of the union and chatted for awhile. Then she drove me to my car because I parked like a mile away hahhaa. Downside of ASU.
Wednesday was normal. School. Service-learning. Work.
Thursday. School (long day, I had to make up my lab from Tuesday because I missed the entire day of school for the conference). Work.
Friday. School (I hate my education teacher, she's so flaky. She's exactly like Ms. Bell... never in class, and doesn't know how to grade things properly). I had to do volunteer work that day. MCC throws a science day for elemenary schools that don't have the funding to do science eperiments. I get service learning hours for it. Jen (from my EDU class, she's awesome) and I worked one station "Pledge to Planet Earth." Totally gay, I know. After that was work.
That night I had a little freakout session. I was PMSing hardcore and everything that was bugging me kept building up and building up. So when Rich called me, he said something (I don't remember what), and I just went OFF. Talking shit to him mostly. But he didn't even do anything wrong. I made him sooo mad at me. So he told me to come over. When I got there, I was shaking with anxiety because I was scared that he was still mad at me. I knew what I did and I knew that yelling at him was wrong. But when I got there, he gave me a kiss and a warm hug.
He knows me so well. He knows me better than I know myself. "You yell at me because you know that I can handle it," he says. "It's how you get your aggression from everyone else out." And he is so right.
Saturday. I had to get up early to go to my grandma's house to clean up her sun room. Me, my mom, Dylan, and Derek went. She gave us the warning about my uncle (who still lives there). He has full blown AIDS, and he's dying of skin cancer. Half of his face is eaten away from the skin cancer (you can see his cheek bone). His hands have so many sores that can't heal themselves due to the AIDS that he has gangreen and all the hepatitis'. He smells like old, raw beef. Not pretty.
Later on that day, Derek and Sarah had a Black&White party at the house that Sarah sits for. That was a lot of fun. It was just for the family. The parents left at like 9:30, and that's when the heavy drinking began. Rich got off work and came over. The boys were shooting guns at bottles and cans, and the girls were sitting by the pool and chatting about everything from Mormonism, to UTI's, to where girls really pee out of, to sex. I really enjoyed myself. Julie, Sarah's sister-in-law is sooo funny. She's all, "Lauren, is your husband here yet? I mean, oops, you aren't married yet."
"Nope, not yet," I said with a smile.
Lindsay asked, "Do you think you will?"
"Yes," I responded assuredly.
"Does he want kids?" Lindsay asked. He sure does, but not more than two.
It got to be about 12:30, and I was tired and crabby and wanted to leave. So Rich took me to his house. We fell asleep at like 1:30 after eating our Del Taco lol. Woke up this morning at 7:15 because my phone alarm was going off. Fell back asleep. Then Rich's mom's tile people came about 8:30, so I woke up again. Luckily I easily fell back asleep and Rich and I both woke up at 10:30. Rich had to go to work early today, so I had to go with him until he got a break to take me back to my car.
So I went on deliveries with him. It was a lot of fun, we talked a lot and listened to Led Zepplin. He didn't get a break until 3, though. I was hot and tired.
When I got home I passed out until 6:00. Now I'm super tired again. Tomorrow I have to get up early and work at Dr. Boardman's office all day.
This will be a good week :) Rich, Joey and I are going to go down to Mexico for one day, and then we're going to go camping for a couple days. Next weekend is St. Patty's day AND a Tattoo/Piercing Expo. I'm excited.
Sorry for this being so damn long!
I texted him: "If you could describe me in one word, what would it be?" In relation to that foot tattoo thing.
Rich: "Gracious."
Me: "I'm gracious?"
Rich: "Yes, you are. You give a lot."
Me: "I do?"
Rich: "Well emotionally."
Oh it just makes my heart swell!
Hahaha, I had to go to my old photobucket to get that heart... then I got sidetracked and started looking at the pictures...
Looking at these old pictures makes me really sad, and really mad at the same time. I don't know. The ones that I put up make me smile when I see them... but some of the others... who was I? I don't feel like that person anymore, and I don't think I ever really was. In those pictures, it isn't... me. At least it feels that way now that a year, two years, even three years has been separated from who I was then and who I am now.
I love who I am now, but who I am now hates who I was then. What was I thinking, doing all that stupid shit... not eating, hurting myself, and acting like someone I wasn't and loving somene I didn't? Ignoring and pushing away the ones who really cared about me? I guess I was just an average, stupid teenager who hated the world and wanted attention at the same time. I don't feel like a teenager anymore. I feel like an old lady. Everyone in all my classes thought that I was at least 21. Dan, a patient at my work, about had a heart attack when I told him I was only 18.
"I don't believe you. I do NOT believe you. You have to be at least 25." I said, no, I'm really 18... and he made me show him my drivers license for proof. I know that I don't look that old, but I talk and act like a geiser and my best girl friend is 29 with a 7 year old daughter. How entirely sad is that?
In a way, I feel like I'm missing out on so many things. I don't like to party and drink, I just don't like it. That is not normal for someone my age. When I get drunk (which in itself is very rare, I only have twice so far this year, one of those times was on New Years), I feel so irresponsible. I have school in the morning, or work, and I need to do my laundry or I have homework to do or something to follow-up on. My priorities are so in order that it disgusts me. Even my BOSS will tell me, "Please let your hair down this weekend, Lauren. It's unhealthy to not have fun."
But I think that I have fun... school is fun and work is fun. I just don't like to go out and be crazy. And it drives Rich crazy.
What's wrong with me?
The only normal thing I do is smoke. I lovvvve getting stoned. It makes me happy and it makes me think and it makes me feel good and it keeps my sex drive up high and it helps me to fall asleep really quickly.
It's the most amazing thing in the world.
Anyway... this week has been really fun and really stressful at the same time.
Monday was a normal day. School. Service-learning where I helped with their science day. Work. Sushi with Rich.
Tuesday I went to the Spring Education Conference at ASU (it was held in the student union). It was so much fun! I was really scared that I wouldn't know anyone there, but I knew like five people. But I hung out with Pam the whole time. She's in my geology class. She's 24 and is a jewelery designer. She's really cool. We went to the first seminar, which was about finacial aid for when we get to the College of Education at ASU (suuuper expensive). Then we took a tour of ASU. We walked around the entire goddam campus. It's a beautiful campus with really awesome history, but it was flippin HOT. After that, it was 12:30 and lunch time. Pam and I were starrrrving. They coordinator of the event gave everyone this kind of debit card with an $8 balance so we could get lunch. Pam and I went to the mediterranean stand and got gyro salads and pita bread. It was sooo good! That student union is nuts. So many different food places, and a bowling alley?? WHAT THE?? Craziness. Once lunchtime was ver, we went to our last seminar, and it was on what to expect from the education program at ASU. Very informative and the speakers were sooo funny.
After that, we had to go back to the main conference room for a raffle. I won a yellow shirt that says "DEVIL" on it, very cute. Once the entire Conference was over, Pam and I went to the starbucks on the first floor of the union and chatted for awhile. Then she drove me to my car because I parked like a mile away hahhaa. Downside of ASU.
Wednesday was normal. School. Service-learning. Work.
Thursday. School (long day, I had to make up my lab from Tuesday because I missed the entire day of school for the conference). Work.
Friday. School (I hate my education teacher, she's so flaky. She's exactly like Ms. Bell... never in class, and doesn't know how to grade things properly). I had to do volunteer work that day. MCC throws a science day for elemenary schools that don't have the funding to do science eperiments. I get service learning hours for it. Jen (from my EDU class, she's awesome) and I worked one station "Pledge to Planet Earth." Totally gay, I know. After that was work.
That night I had a little freakout session. I was PMSing hardcore and everything that was bugging me kept building up and building up. So when Rich called me, he said something (I don't remember what), and I just went OFF. Talking shit to him mostly. But he didn't even do anything wrong. I made him sooo mad at me. So he told me to come over. When I got there, I was shaking with anxiety because I was scared that he was still mad at me. I knew what I did and I knew that yelling at him was wrong. But when I got there, he gave me a kiss and a warm hug.
He knows me so well. He knows me better than I know myself. "You yell at me because you know that I can handle it," he says. "It's how you get your aggression from everyone else out." And he is so right.
Saturday. I had to get up early to go to my grandma's house to clean up her sun room. Me, my mom, Dylan, and Derek went. She gave us the warning about my uncle (who still lives there). He has full blown AIDS, and he's dying of skin cancer. Half of his face is eaten away from the skin cancer (you can see his cheek bone). His hands have so many sores that can't heal themselves due to the AIDS that he has gangreen and all the hepatitis'. He smells like old, raw beef. Not pretty.
Later on that day, Derek and Sarah had a Black&White party at the house that Sarah sits for. That was a lot of fun. It was just for the family. The parents left at like 9:30, and that's when the heavy drinking began. Rich got off work and came over. The boys were shooting guns at bottles and cans, and the girls were sitting by the pool and chatting about everything from Mormonism, to UTI's, to where girls really pee out of, to sex. I really enjoyed myself. Julie, Sarah's sister-in-law is sooo funny. She's all, "Lauren, is your husband here yet? I mean, oops, you aren't married yet."
"Nope, not yet," I said with a smile.
Lindsay asked, "Do you think you will?"
"Yes," I responded assuredly.
"Does he want kids?" Lindsay asked. He sure does, but not more than two.
It got to be about 12:30, and I was tired and crabby and wanted to leave. So Rich took me to his house. We fell asleep at like 1:30 after eating our Del Taco lol. Woke up this morning at 7:15 because my phone alarm was going off. Fell back asleep. Then Rich's mom's tile people came about 8:30, so I woke up again. Luckily I easily fell back asleep and Rich and I both woke up at 10:30. Rich had to go to work early today, so I had to go with him until he got a break to take me back to my car.
So I went on deliveries with him. It was a lot of fun, we talked a lot and listened to Led Zepplin. He didn't get a break until 3, though. I was hot and tired.
When I got home I passed out until 6:00. Now I'm super tired again. Tomorrow I have to get up early and work at Dr. Boardman's office all day.
This will be a good week :) Rich, Joey and I are going to go down to Mexico for one day, and then we're going to go camping for a couple days. Next weekend is St. Patty's day AND a Tattoo/Piercing Expo. I'm excited.
Sorry for this being so damn long!