there's no perfect endings <3
Some times you lose sight
of what it was you were trying to find <3
Crazy fucking night last night.
Kyle joined Joey & I at Joey's house & chilled with us there for a bit.
Then we went & picked Abbie up & went over to Keith's house with Katie & Kenny & Tommy, & Ian, & Dan, & Gavin &just everyone. (except for Justin)
Kenny & I went & got some Taco Bell.
lol, I seriously fuckin love that kid.
Came back to Keith's & chilled some more.
Got soo fuckin bored there cuz I don't smoke anymore & it was just ahh.
Chilled with Ian's hot ass. I love him so much, & I'm glad that I atcually got to see him out of school.
We all ended up leaving. I went with Kenny, Katie, & Tommy.
We went & got Pam & sat at 7/11 for seriously soo long.
They all wanted to go to Tommy's, & I just came home.
Had nothing to do, I was so pissed.
Went up in my room & broke my cd player cuz I punched it. It was really pissing me off.
Now it makes all these funny noises & makes me even more mad when I'm already pissed & just want to jam. Goshh.
Read some old notes, looked at some old & new pictures.
Made me think.
Made me soo sad too.
Made me miss some serious shit.
Wow.
Used to be the "only one".
Reminders that I am was his "first love"
Used to want to be with me "forever"
Used to look forward to a future
to Canada
to the hooka
& the showers
& the long rides there
Used to be the ONLY ONE.
sorry, had to say that again.
used to be his only one.
The ONLY person.
his ONLY one.
the ONLY one for him.
he was the ONLY one for me.
he is the ONLY one for me
we are our only ones.
well.
we were our only ones?
we aren't our only ones?
we should be our only ones?
We're taking a break from being our only ones?
Or shit. We could have even never been our only ones.
Maybe we just thought we were our only ones? But really weren't?
Well- Fuck that last one. Only cuz I don't want that to be right.
Not like not wanting something ever kept it from coming. Cuz it never has. At least not for me.
Dammit. I don't even know which one makes more sense.
I'm sure in their own little way they all come together to make sense.
fuck thinking about that right now.
But anyways- those are the kind of things I was thinking about last night after the breaking of my cd player.
Then my mom took me over to Tacha's house with Billy, Jon, Amanda, Ashley, Sam, Dave, Jaime, Kevin, & Hanz. Prolly missed some people too.
Jon & Tasha took me to the store & I got muchies. Fuckin got the wrong kind AGAIN.
I ALWAYS accidently get "Classical Mix" when "Cheddar" is soo much fuckin better.
Gosh. Made me pretty damned mad.
Then I just chilled over there for a bit.
Everyone ended up leaving & then Jon & Tasha went & took a nap so I was jsut chillen watching friends.
Kinda got a little pissed & then this kid from Central named James just randomly came inside & I just talked to him about the most random stuff.
lol, it was pretty cool.
More people came back & then Jimmy, Hilla, & Ryan came & got me.
Gosh do I love Ryan Banister.
We went over to Keith's again & seriously EVERYONE was there. Mike even came home! =)
Got to see Brittney, & Danny & just everyone who was there earlier & it was just really fun.
Danny & me & Kenny were all freestlying
haha fuckin drunken rhymes. Danny was tearin me upp. It was too fuckin funny.
Then us 4 left & Ryan & I came back to Tacha's appartment with Jaime, Kevin, Jon, Hanz, & Tacha.
We all just chilled. Kevin went home & then the rest of the night was soo fuckin crazy.
Hanz almost got in a fight with these hugge kids from upstairs, & then they all left
& then Ryan, Hanz, Jaime, & I were all talking about relationships & I got soo mad.
Ended up having an anxiety attack & called Alex.
Not good.
I ended up having to calm myself down. Whatev, it's better that way anyways.
Then the guysthat were tryin' to fight Hanz earlier spit in Jaime's hair & I went outside & SCREAMED at them
Had like another anxiety attack, Went soo fuckin crazy.
Poor Jaime.
Ryan passed out on MY couch that I called, & I just let him sleep while Jamie, Hanz & I talked about everything.
I love drunken talks. lol, I swear everythinngg comes out.
Jaime & Hanz are the shit. they made me feel a lott better about things.
Ripped Ryan off the couch, & passed out.
I guess I woke u p a few times in the night, but whatev.
Woke up at 9:30 this morning.
Tacha had to go to driver's training & Hanz had left early in the morning for work, so it was just me, Jaime, & Ryan chillen.
We just talked more & joked around.
Jaime had Kevin come get her, & it was just me & Ryan.
lol, lighting shit on fire & being goofy.
We had a good time, & a dayyyym good talk.
Eventually Jimbo picked us up & we went & got Tim Hortons.
Made me sad not to see Riebe. lol =D
Parked by Murray's & ate. Went back & got more for Jimmy, lol- then I came home.
Just been chillen.
Talked to Jimmy & Hilla & Katie on the phone.
wowies. What a shitty situation that didn't even have to be made.
I'm not even worried about it- I know everything's just gunna be fine so it's not even worth stressing.
Went for a walk, in the freezing snow/RAIN to the park. (Yeah, this time of the year & that kind of weather. Why now?)
Soo depressing.
Talked to Hilla the whole time.
Met up with some kids & made some money.
came home & now I'm just chillen.
Had a talk with Justin. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhha;sdjfh alsdkjfhcasdf
that's all I have to say about that.
Bout to go get ready for the day.
Not sure what I'm doing today, I'm sure I'll figure something out.
gunna call Katie maybe?
My heart bleeds.
<3