Hey unloving, I will love you. <3
You give a little you, & I'll give a little me, & in the end we can have eachother.
Today was a lot better than I thought it would be.
Due to decisions made last night.
Not permanent ones, just temporary.
But isn't that how all of my decisions are?
Just temporary.
Shit.
Isn't that just the way I am?
Just temporary.
Isn't that how most of my feelings are?
Just temporary.
Most of my relationships are?
Just temporary.
& this goodbye?
Just temporary.
...Or so I say.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Anyways.
Good day at school, Mom picked me up & I had to run to my work to get a number sheet cuz I can't work Wednesday, & fuckin' no one can pick up my shift. Pretty pissed about that.
Then went to Sallys & got hair dye.
Did my mom's hair, & re-did my heair.
Just blonde, brown, & red again.
Gotta do the black sometime next week.
Did my mom's & it came out fucking awesome.
Pretty proud of that I must say.
Then me my mom & brother went to my sister's appartment for a bit.
That was fun.
We all just played Sims for 2 and a half hours.
lol.. good times, good times.
Tomarrow I'm going to driver's training from 4:30 to 6:30, & then to my choir concert from 7:15 to 9ish.
Joey is supposed to come, & I hope Justin & some other good pals of mine will join him.
I had missed Joey, got to see him in school today.
Made me happy.
Busy day tomarrow.
wowies.
So, yeah- I just found out that RIGHT when I pass my road test (if I do)
:: crosses fingers ::
I'll have a car immediately.
So there'll be no waiting- which is an oober good thing.
Maybe not a car of my choice, but something to drive untill I get what I want.
So that's fucking cool.
Promised Ian he's be the first I drove with =D
Keepin' that one.
Regret.
There's a feeling that I've caught myself up in lately.
Regretting what I have done, to the extent that I have done it.
I believe stongly to live without regrets.
But I have a regret.
This is me, living a contradiction that I am aware of, hopeless, & unable to make a difference.
I cannot go back.
I cannot take all of this shit back.
so many things to lead me to this, regret.
Deep thoughts lately.
The ones Alex despises of.
He hates it when I get too deep.
I just find it ironic how much he hates that about me.
Isn't that something that just makes me who I am?
Can't you always find me wrapped up in a subject so simple, finding ways to make sense of it?
To make it more complicated?
A complicated girl I am.
A deep, passionate, complicated girl.
& that's what Alex hates about me.
I feel those are my best traits.
What does he love me for?
What is left of me to love if he cannot even appreciate what I have worked hardest on?
I know only a handful of other people that could possibly answer that.
& it most certainly wouldn't be him.
GQ buddy 88: i just dont no why you broke up with me.....you are going on and on about how you are trying to help me
unappreciative.
unaccepting.
unforgiving.
unaware.
unloving.
unloving.
He just doesn't understand.
It's not about him this time.
I'm taking one for the team.
Hurting myself by hurting him to heal him.
that's deep right there.
Not deep enough for him to appreciate.
& too deep for him to comprehend.
wow. I am on a roll.
I find myself getting teary-eyed about not getting to go to Taste of Chaos.
Not becuase I'm a little baby who doens't get to go to a show, boo hooo
but because it's fucking Underoath.
My favorite band ever.
Senses Fail, My Chemical Romance, The Used (if they play their old shit I would be happy)
shiit.
Gunna be such a good show.
I just wanna be there.
Bri & I are going to go see Underoath in April tho, we're gunna get it alll planned out tomarrow.
but I still wanna go to Taste of Chaos.
th3 1 n0nly Laur: you looked beautiful today.
well that was nice.
Haven't gotten a nice little compliment like that in a while.
Makes me happy when I'm not so happy. =D
th3 1 n0nly Laur: u with jeff or sumthing?
sHuGGrNsPiCCe2: Jeff Tabb?
th3 1 n0nly Laur: yeah...
sHuGGrNsPiCCe2: lolllll nooo wayy! he's totally just my friend
th3 1 n0nly Laur: oohhhh well i thought u were like togetherrrr.
th3 1 n0nly Laur: lol
sHuGGrNsPiCCe2: lol no way!
so THAT'S what my livejournal implies?
lol how funny is that, Jeffery?
Not like that's a bad thing, I just find that funny.
I miss you, dearums.
Sundayyyyyy =D =D
BABY SCRUFFUMS!
I miss Richard. I was supposed to see him today, but my hairness took a long ass time.
I miss my camera mother fuckers.
I miss Ian & Mark & Brian & CHRIS.
& I also fucking miss Alyssa.
& I don't care what you have to say abou that.
This is my eljay, & that's how I fucking feel so lick my left buttcheek.
(Right, Justin?)
wowies.
Boys are crazy.
Think I'm gunna talk to Joey for a bit & then do my homowork.
Madd love, bitches.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL MY COMMENT WHORES?
WTF!
MY CRASHED COMPUTER IS NO EXCUZE FOR SLACKING!
"fuck it.
fuck you.
love you.
goodnight."
... when hasn't it been that way?
fuck you, I love you.
yeah.
<3