WHAT NEW FRIENDS WILL THE DAY BRING?-AFI
so yea....Julisa finaly came to school today after not coming all week long!!!! i missed her! chris is for surely coming over and staying the night on easter. that's cute. AWW I WAS TALKING TO COLT FOR LIKE A BEZILLION HOURS LAST NIGHT! AWW..HE CALLED ME. AND WE WERE TALKING AND AWWW I LOVE BEING WITH HIM! SERIOUSLY! HE'S SOOO SWEET. HAHA LIKE SOMETIMES LIKE WHEN WE TALK AND HE'S BEING ALL SWEET I LOVE THE WAY HE SAYS "SWEET THANG" THAT'S SOOO CUTE! HE'S SUUUPER SWEET!!! and like...AWW like when we use to talk before the whole brenda thing, we'd say we love eachother before we hung up the phone. and for these first few times that we called eeachother, when we hung up, he wouldn't say it so therefor i wouldn't say it. So none of us would say it and i got kinda heartbroken cause maybe he didn't feel the same way anymore, which i totaly understand...BUT i need to quit assuming things because i was toaly WRONG! like last night before we hung up he was like "I love you" and i was like SOOOOOO happy!!! that totaly made my bad day that i choose not to talk about. i wanted to like scream inside ,..but instead ya know,...i played it off, all cool, and was like "I love you too" and i even told him how i thought maybe he didn't anymore. but yea agh!!!! i'm so happy.
>>>>BUT...here's the big question...HOW CAN A PERSON BE SO HAPPY, YET SO HURT AT THE SAME TIME? It's wierd...he makes me happy he tells me he loves me and i KNOW he means it and i KNOW he cares about me, but there is still something...something that i don't understand, and i can't figure out what it is i'm missing and longing for so badly. I know i dont feel the same way i use to about cirilo, yes, i did love him, but i think i've about come to my senses when it comes to him as the subject. I've realized how bad he hurt me and how much advantage he took of the fact of knowing that i loved him so much. I'm always guna love him, no matter what happens between the two of us...that don't mean that i'm going to be his doormat, it just means that I'm going to let him go. I think it's about time. I should have a long time ago, but now viewing the whole situation from the outside for a change, i noticed that all my real friends were right and i noticed a drastic change in my feelings for him. Its like this song "I'd rather forget the days we spent, than try to stay afloat in shallow water" I'm trying to hold on to something that was never really there..if that makes sense. so yea....but this feeling i'm missing i KNOW it's not cause of him i know it. I can tell. It's just there, and like talking to cirilo now don't make me any happier. If anything it brings me down worse. He's constantly on my mind, not as much anymore lately, but I do think about him from time to time...it's gradually coming down to the conlusion of not thinking about him at all. It makes me happy to know that I'm better off not with him cause for four months i thought not being with him was might as well dieing. If he only knew....
>>BUT BACK TO COLT, he' soooooooooo cute and AS SOON AS he got home yesterday he called me! Like it makes me feel like I'm all he thinks about. Gosh..like i don't even know how to explain the way i feel for him.We both have admitted like when we talk, ALL we do is SMILE the whole time we are on the phone and i know we both make eachother happy. and like he calls me "baby" and calls me sweet and AWW gosh like i soo wanna talk to him right now..... but NOO! that reminds me....Rachel, Shayla, Me, and Julisa might be going to the mall tonght i need to E-mail Colt and let him know that i MIGHT not be home but I'm guna tell him to call anyways 'cause WHAT IF we decide not to, and besides if we have practice today we wont be home 'til about 7 tonight! AGH!! that suuux! well i'mma go E-mail him! Laters! -Le0na!
AWW...I LIKE COLT SOOOO MUCH!!!