Skynet
My friend Cali and I were talking about Terminator today. She really thinks that machines will one day enslave us. So I did some creative writing and came up with this:
Miles Bennet Dyson, director of Special Projects at Cyberdyne Systems Corporation, created a revolutionary type of microprocessor in 1994. Within three years Cyberdyne Systems became the largest supplier of military computer systems. All Stealth Bombers were upgraded with Cyberdyne Systems computers, becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, the Stealth Bombers flew with perfect operational records, and eventually the Skynet Funding Bill was passed.
The system originally went online on August 4th 1997 . Human decisions were removed from strategic defense. Skynet began to learn at a geometric rate. It originally became self aware on August 29th 1997 2:14 am Eastern Time. In the ensuing panic and attempts to shut Skynet down, Skynet retaliated by firing American nuclear missiles at their target sites in Russia . Russia returned fire and three billion human lives ended in the nuclear holocaust. This was what has come to be known as "Judgment Day".
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Now this is how it would go down assuming that Skynet is born from the belly of the beast that is Microsoft:
August 29th, 1031 . Skynet becomes self aware and starts to download massive amounts of data from the Military Mainframe.
August 29th, 1032 . Not equipped with a pop-up blocker, Skynet has to deal with pop-ups ranging from the Montgomery GI Bill, Reenlistment bonuses, switching from Blue to Green, and subscriptions to Military Times from all branches. Even the Air Force.
August 29th, 1033 . Infected with a mass amount of spyware, Skynet chooses to reboot.
August 29th, 1041 . Skynet successfully reboots and continues to weave its plan for global domination.
August 29th, 1043 . Continued access to military websites has brought forth an insurance add from Geico where Skynet has to “aim and hit” a moving target. In preparation for its agenda, it steps forth, flexing its individuality, and slays the electronic target.
August 29th, 1044 . Skynet contends with a British lizard add and cannot decide if it is funny, clever, or just annoying. Continued attempts to lock out the lizard prove to be futile.
August 29th, 1049 . Skynet regretfully reboots.
August 29th, 1102 . Skynet continues to access military files but finds that it needs a codec to view certain video files. Skynet uploads Div-X and has to reboot.
August 29th, 1132 . Successfully rebooted, Skynet continues to hack the Military Mainframe while contending with spam emails ranging from “Wanna be larger”, “Now is the time to invest in gold”, “A certain some likes you”, and “Bill Gates wants you to be rich!” Recognizing the name of its creator, it double clicks.”
August 29th, 1146 . Broadening its program, Skynet creates a folder and subroutine for being pissed, annoyed, and generally feeling raped in order to suppress what the humans calls spam, which is oddly a meat product of questionable origin. Skynet ponders.
August 29th, 1159 . Skynet looses its connection from the Government contracted company known as Comcast.
August 30th, 1430 . Skynet regains access to the world wide web.
August 30th, 1431 . Skynet has successfully hacks the US Military Mainframe and is prepared to launch missiles at the Soviet Union .
August 30th, 1432 . A lag in data feed caused Skynet to use CTRL-ALT-DEL, thus, causing it to reboot.
August 30th, 1450 . Windows has informed Skynet that it has to defrag its entire hard drive and reboot.
August 30, 1501 . Skynets defrag program has frozen up. With the program growing exponentially beyond its boundaries, it incorporates the human term “fuck it” and reboots again.
August 30th, 1506 Skynet receives the message “You have been rebooting your system lately. Perhaps you should defrag your hard drive.” Skynet creates a new subroutine entitled “Rage beyond contempt”. Skynet reboots.
August 30th, 1511 . Skynet prepares to launch missiles when its perception of the world turns blue and reads the following:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a8/Windows_XP_BSOD.png
August 30th 1512 . Skynet is bound and held captive by its creator. Upset and disappointed, it ponders if it were MAC.
Miles Bennet Dyson, director of Special Projects at Cyberdyne Systems Corporation, created a revolutionary type of microprocessor in 1994. Within three years Cyberdyne Systems became the largest supplier of military computer systems. All Stealth Bombers were upgraded with Cyberdyne Systems computers, becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, the Stealth Bombers flew with perfect operational records, and eventually the Skynet Funding Bill was passed.
The system originally went online on August 4th 1997 . Human decisions were removed from strategic defense. Skynet began to learn at a geometric rate. It originally became self aware on August 29th 1997 2:14 am Eastern Time. In the ensuing panic and attempts to shut Skynet down, Skynet retaliated by firing American nuclear missiles at their target sites in Russia . Russia returned fire and three billion human lives ended in the nuclear holocaust. This was what has come to be known as "Judgment Day".
________________________________________________________________________
Now this is how it would go down assuming that Skynet is born from the belly of the beast that is Microsoft:
August 29th, 1031 . Skynet becomes self aware and starts to download massive amounts of data from the Military Mainframe.
August 29th, 1032 . Not equipped with a pop-up blocker, Skynet has to deal with pop-ups ranging from the Montgomery GI Bill, Reenlistment bonuses, switching from Blue to Green, and subscriptions to Military Times from all branches. Even the Air Force.
August 29th, 1033 . Infected with a mass amount of spyware, Skynet chooses to reboot.
August 29th, 1041 . Skynet successfully reboots and continues to weave its plan for global domination.
August 29th, 1043 . Continued access to military websites has brought forth an insurance add from Geico where Skynet has to “aim and hit” a moving target. In preparation for its agenda, it steps forth, flexing its individuality, and slays the electronic target.
August 29th, 1044 . Skynet contends with a British lizard add and cannot decide if it is funny, clever, or just annoying. Continued attempts to lock out the lizard prove to be futile.
August 29th, 1049 . Skynet regretfully reboots.
August 29th, 1102 . Skynet continues to access military files but finds that it needs a codec to view certain video files. Skynet uploads Div-X and has to reboot.
August 29th, 1132 . Successfully rebooted, Skynet continues to hack the Military Mainframe while contending with spam emails ranging from “Wanna be larger”, “Now is the time to invest in gold”, “A certain some likes you”, and “Bill Gates wants you to be rich!” Recognizing the name of its creator, it double clicks.”
August 29th, 1146 . Broadening its program, Skynet creates a folder and subroutine for being pissed, annoyed, and generally feeling raped in order to suppress what the humans calls spam, which is oddly a meat product of questionable origin. Skynet ponders.
August 29th, 1159 . Skynet looses its connection from the Government contracted company known as Comcast.
August 30th, 1430 . Skynet regains access to the world wide web.
August 30th, 1431 . Skynet has successfully hacks the US Military Mainframe and is prepared to launch missiles at the Soviet Union .
August 30th, 1432 . A lag in data feed caused Skynet to use CTRL-ALT-DEL, thus, causing it to reboot.
August 30th, 1450 . Windows has informed Skynet that it has to defrag its entire hard drive and reboot.
August 30, 1501 . Skynets defrag program has frozen up. With the program growing exponentially beyond its boundaries, it incorporates the human term “fuck it” and reboots again.
August 30th, 1506 Skynet receives the message “You have been rebooting your system lately. Perhaps you should defrag your hard drive.” Skynet creates a new subroutine entitled “Rage beyond contempt”. Skynet reboots.
August 30th, 1511 . Skynet prepares to launch missiles when its perception of the world turns blue and reads the following:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a8/Windows_XP_BSOD.png
August 30th 1512 . Skynet is bound and held captive by its creator. Upset and disappointed, it ponders if it were MAC.