its been awhile.
hi. i am the boardest person alive. i'm at the university of akron and decided i'd feel a lot cooler if i updated my shubart journal instead of my kellelee journal. shubart kicks. why did i ever let it go? oh i remember why...because tony got into my journal and said my current mood was loving tony....and then someone commented and said it was sick or gross or osmethinglike that and i got mad so i got a newjournal. ha. thats funny. that was a long time ago. like 8th grade maybe. i was depressed in 8th grade.
hey i officially have no friends. no one ever calls me to do anything and when they do thye screw me over. so i got sick of it and called jen ben last night and asked her to comover and she said well idunno i'll ask my parents at dinner and call you bakc....did i ever get a phone call nooopppe. so it just makes me think she was lying and had plans with may and didn't want to tell me....ya know i don't care that they're best friends but i wish she'd recognize her other ones too because when may leaves we are all shes going to have....ya know? i don't know. i guess i'm just jealous because i don't have a best friend. she walked away from me a while ago. i tried to confront her but she didn't listen. oh well. thats how life goes. my sister says i don't relaly need friends because they won't be there after highschool. its kind of sad i don't like it....but i'm not really worried about the future - i'm worried about rightnow...this hwole spring break i have donenothing but sit at home minus monday after noon with josh. and i couldn't even hang out or anything because piano lessons are gay.
i don't mind just having a few friends but those friends i cna't always rely on. i guess there are friends for different types of things...kirby for fun...amber for serious and some laughs...jen ben for school and being stupid....jen breda for school and talking about the future, talking about religion, talking about guys....britney for talking about bad stuff lol and for being daring...and gee thats about all the friends i have. thats fine. but at least maybe it'd be nice if my mom actually liked half of them and if some of them didn't screw me over and actually called me to do stuff. now i'm not saying i've never screwed my friends over but they seem to do it all the time...esp kirby...i don't know. i guess i'm just really confused. maybe i'm just bored and making up excuses for it. shnike i dunno i guess i'll shut up. no reason in complaining i cna't relaly do anything about it.
well enough hurting. lets me angry.
i told my mom to shut up again last nightand she wnet offffff on me and said she was going to put me in an afterschool program that lasted till 6 lol what and she said she was going to send me to california earlier - i mean how would that make it any better? see hwat i don't get is she'll tell me shes so proud of what i do my grades track and what not butwhen she gets mad its all turned aroundand its i'm a bad kid and i don't deserve anything and that i get bad grades and i'mgoing to hell. i probably am going to hell but it doesn't help to tell me. whatever.
today we're walking around my dads class room and hes showing us everything hta thes alreayd showed us before so i kind of roll my eyes and my mom is like "well hes just proud" so she goes on acting interested....i turn to katie and i say"well when i'm proud of something and try to show her shes not interested" and katie says "like what" and i siad "when i try and share my poems with her she acts totally uninterested 'oh just one more i want to watch tv' is her normal reaction" i swear its like nobody cares what i feel like. its like they always got something better to do so i assume nobody really cares even a little. i'm not good enough to give the time of day to. i guess its a good thing nobody relaly looks at this journal. oh its ok...even in my real journal it wouldn't get much attention....and maybe thats all i want. maybe i'm too weird. my mind is crazy. i think i'll go now. bye.
hey i officially have no friends. no one ever calls me to do anything and when they do thye screw me over. so i got sick of it and called jen ben last night and asked her to comover and she said well idunno i'll ask my parents at dinner and call you bakc....did i ever get a phone call nooopppe. so it just makes me think she was lying and had plans with may and didn't want to tell me....ya know i don't care that they're best friends but i wish she'd recognize her other ones too because when may leaves we are all shes going to have....ya know? i don't know. i guess i'm just jealous because i don't have a best friend. she walked away from me a while ago. i tried to confront her but she didn't listen. oh well. thats how life goes. my sister says i don't relaly need friends because they won't be there after highschool. its kind of sad i don't like it....but i'm not really worried about the future - i'm worried about rightnow...this hwole spring break i have donenothing but sit at home minus monday after noon with josh. and i couldn't even hang out or anything because piano lessons are gay.
i don't mind just having a few friends but those friends i cna't always rely on. i guess there are friends for different types of things...kirby for fun...amber for serious and some laughs...jen ben for school and being stupid....jen breda for school and talking about the future, talking about religion, talking about guys....britney for talking about bad stuff lol and for being daring...and gee thats about all the friends i have. thats fine. but at least maybe it'd be nice if my mom actually liked half of them and if some of them didn't screw me over and actually called me to do stuff. now i'm not saying i've never screwed my friends over but they seem to do it all the time...esp kirby...i don't know. i guess i'm just really confused. maybe i'm just bored and making up excuses for it. shnike i dunno i guess i'll shut up. no reason in complaining i cna't relaly do anything about it.
well enough hurting. lets me angry.
i told my mom to shut up again last nightand she wnet offffff on me and said she was going to put me in an afterschool program that lasted till 6 lol what and she said she was going to send me to california earlier - i mean how would that make it any better? see hwat i don't get is she'll tell me shes so proud of what i do my grades track and what not butwhen she gets mad its all turned aroundand its i'm a bad kid and i don't deserve anything and that i get bad grades and i'mgoing to hell. i probably am going to hell but it doesn't help to tell me. whatever.
today we're walking around my dads class room and hes showing us everything hta thes alreayd showed us before so i kind of roll my eyes and my mom is like "well hes just proud" so she goes on acting interested....i turn to katie and i say"well when i'm proud of something and try to show her shes not interested" and katie says "like what" and i siad "when i try and share my poems with her she acts totally uninterested 'oh just one more i want to watch tv' is her normal reaction" i swear its like nobody cares what i feel like. its like they always got something better to do so i assume nobody really cares even a little. i'm not good enough to give the time of day to. i guess its a good thing nobody relaly looks at this journal. oh its ok...even in my real journal it wouldn't get much attention....and maybe thats all i want. maybe i'm too weird. my mind is crazy. i think i'll go now. bye.