(no subject)
so here i am, back in mass. not only back in mass, but back living with my family again. back to being free, but not so free. loaded statement you say? well yes. i am free to come and go as i please, but am i free from opinions and judgement, and especially guilt about every little move i make, every penny i spend, the way i raise my kid and the choices i'm making for her while i am still able too? absolutly not. i guess that's the price you pay when living under someone elses roof. well, actually, no it's not at all. i can understand if i peed in the sink, or if i deliberatly kicked a hole in the wall, that it would be that person's business, but how i raise my kid and my opinions are all my own. the whole time i was here, all i heard was "aren't you going to do this? you don't do that? you should go to bed! blah blah blah. listen, i'm an adult, i make my own bed time. i'm not blaring the tv or music to keep you up, so why is it your concern about the time i go to bed?
when it comes to respect and your family, is the meaning of the word lost in translation?
for instance, you live with your family because they need physical help. but then i gets to the point that they are basically treating you like a maid or care taker, instead of a loved one. i love you's are often heard, but the emotion behind them may be a lot lighter because you are starting to feel like it's a trigger phrase as opposed to a sincere sign of gratitude and humility. a phrase that makes you feel bad if you finally stand up and say that you are not a slave and you will not take it anymore.
when did, "i need a place to stay for a little while. can you help me out?" translate into, "i'm staying with you". that seems a little confusing i know, but it's the meaning behind it. they could have always said no, they could have let you live on couches and on the streets, but no, they took you in because they love you unconditionally, so with that, unconditional love (which is confusing as all hell anyway) they are pretty much obligated, or that's how they feel. (are you scratching your head yet?) they feel like you are taking advantage of them, so every now and then, they will stab a little here and there with some guilt or judgement on the way you live your life. and you feel like they are always watching your every move. all you want to do is take your kid out to a friend's house, or watch tv till 1 am like you did when you lived on your own. but why when you ask for a little assistance, does it have to come with a load of opinions? all you want is a roof over your head, why does that mean your relationships with your family members have too all of a sudden be changed into something more than it was?
its been said that they are only doing it because they care and they want what's best for you. it's also been said that you're better off alone. and that the only person that is really important in the end is yourself. then why as a species do we feel obligated to look to our families for help and love? what makes us so dependent? does unconditional love really exsist or is it just an excuse we use to cover up the fact that sometimes, you really don't love your family member and the choices they make?
i'm glad i have all this support, but i don't need all the guilt. i'm just going to try really hard not to hang my dirty laundry anymore.
when it comes to respect and your family, is the meaning of the word lost in translation?
for instance, you live with your family because they need physical help. but then i gets to the point that they are basically treating you like a maid or care taker, instead of a loved one. i love you's are often heard, but the emotion behind them may be a lot lighter because you are starting to feel like it's a trigger phrase as opposed to a sincere sign of gratitude and humility. a phrase that makes you feel bad if you finally stand up and say that you are not a slave and you will not take it anymore.
when did, "i need a place to stay for a little while. can you help me out?" translate into, "i'm staying with you". that seems a little confusing i know, but it's the meaning behind it. they could have always said no, they could have let you live on couches and on the streets, but no, they took you in because they love you unconditionally, so with that, unconditional love (which is confusing as all hell anyway) they are pretty much obligated, or that's how they feel. (are you scratching your head yet?) they feel like you are taking advantage of them, so every now and then, they will stab a little here and there with some guilt or judgement on the way you live your life. and you feel like they are always watching your every move. all you want to do is take your kid out to a friend's house, or watch tv till 1 am like you did when you lived on your own. but why when you ask for a little assistance, does it have to come with a load of opinions? all you want is a roof over your head, why does that mean your relationships with your family members have too all of a sudden be changed into something more than it was?
its been said that they are only doing it because they care and they want what's best for you. it's also been said that you're better off alone. and that the only person that is really important in the end is yourself. then why as a species do we feel obligated to look to our families for help and love? what makes us so dependent? does unconditional love really exsist or is it just an excuse we use to cover up the fact that sometimes, you really don't love your family member and the choices they make?
i'm glad i have all this support, but i don't need all the guilt. i'm just going to try really hard not to hang my dirty laundry anymore.