you are...old

[shtiney]

this morning i realized, as i woke up and started my day, that i am an adult. i think this because even on a sunday, i wake up with things on my mind such as, "has the mail come yet?, do i need any groceries?, how much laundry do i need to do today?, what can i make for dinner so that my family doesn't eat only hot dog's, mayonaise, and processes chicken?...etc., etc., etc.". i don't know how i became this person. i don't think it's soley because of my pregnancy either. i think i've just gotten over being an 18-21 year old. i was discussing this with hollie yesterday, how much different we are compared to the days of hanging out at the 838, skipping classes at AI to sleep or do somthing better, being pretty much totaly free of all responsibility, without any dire consequences. now i feel like if i am even 5 minutes late for work, i'm an asshole and i will ruin my chances of getting a promotion. when i was 18, i would look at this idea, and laugh, thinking peope who lived this way were yuppies and slaves (which we are...but it's strange to come to terms with the fact that we grow mainly to live as machines with a daily schedule from reboot to shut down). even as a hairdresser, i feel this way. yeah, it's a lot of fun, and i don't have to sit at a desk all day, but think about it, i have to STAND all day, and service people's vainity needs all day, then at the end of the day, i feel like i need to have a massage (much to the equivelent of a robot needing to be re-oiled). then i come home, and eat, and ecentially just go to bed and wake up to do it all over again. i also find it odd that most forms of creativity have been formed into tasks. it's like they integrated every human's mind set and personality into a way to contribute to the system, so no one, unless they are a hermit who stays in an paints or whatever all there lives, can really be free.

so yeah, i feel like i've really grown up a lot in the amount of basically a year.