Finally some good stuff
Well, here I am. I started my job with the county. But, I was dealing with heart failure Jan 2021-March 2021. I was hospitalized, and got on some new medication, as well as a cpap and just recently was told by my cardiologist that my heart is functioning normal again.
I joined a bariatric program in august 2021. I did all the testing, nutritionist visits, and counseling for the past 2 months. My file is currently in process of getting approved by insurance. I've lost about 35 pounds since starting the program. I have been dealing with emotional eating still.
This is the longest ive seen a counselor too. I need to be more proactive with things though. It is nice to have someone to share things with that won't take it personal.
I video called my dad and janet earlier. My dad never has anything to say to me. Never asks how I'm doing. It just makes me miss my mom so much. I randomly asked him "were patrick and i an accident or on purpose?" He said "on purpose" i jokingly said "and you agreed to that?!" he said "i had no control of anything in that household" i said "so you didn't want me?!" he said "i didn't want any of you"
That just hurt my soul. I can't even explain it. Part of my brain knows he was joking, but it just kind of reinforces my negative thoughts. But, it also made me think that because he hated mom so much...does he regret having children with her? I guess it's a weird perspective. All i know is I didn't ask to be here.
I finally moved out of the apartment annie and i were in since 2008. i love my new apartment. it's just me and coco. coco is about to be 12 years old, and the thought of losing her, makes me want to simply go insane. i really do think i might need to be hospitalized after she passes away.
I have this idea that once I have weight loss surgery, I'll be this new person, so happy, so perfect. I know that's not reality. I do know that I will fit into the world better, and that will be enough for me. also the improved health will be great too.
I'm going to have to remember to update in a few years, to see where I'm at.
I joined a bariatric program in august 2021. I did all the testing, nutritionist visits, and counseling for the past 2 months. My file is currently in process of getting approved by insurance. I've lost about 35 pounds since starting the program. I have been dealing with emotional eating still.
This is the longest ive seen a counselor too. I need to be more proactive with things though. It is nice to have someone to share things with that won't take it personal.
I video called my dad and janet earlier. My dad never has anything to say to me. Never asks how I'm doing. It just makes me miss my mom so much. I randomly asked him "were patrick and i an accident or on purpose?" He said "on purpose" i jokingly said "and you agreed to that?!" he said "i had no control of anything in that household" i said "so you didn't want me?!" he said "i didn't want any of you"
That just hurt my soul. I can't even explain it. Part of my brain knows he was joking, but it just kind of reinforces my negative thoughts. But, it also made me think that because he hated mom so much...does he regret having children with her? I guess it's a weird perspective. All i know is I didn't ask to be here.
I finally moved out of the apartment annie and i were in since 2008. i love my new apartment. it's just me and coco. coco is about to be 12 years old, and the thought of losing her, makes me want to simply go insane. i really do think i might need to be hospitalized after she passes away.
I have this idea that once I have weight loss surgery, I'll be this new person, so happy, so perfect. I know that's not reality. I do know that I will fit into the world better, and that will be enough for me. also the improved health will be great too.
I'm going to have to remember to update in a few years, to see where I'm at.