(no subject)
bilal came over tonight, but only for like an hour, cuz his uncle died last night, so he had to go be with his family.
we were laying in my bed, holding hands... and i said.. bilal, when are you wanna go out again?" and he was just saying that he doesnt know, that it'll just happen on his own, and he'll just know. grr. frustrating.
i was explaining to him.. how i feel stuck. cuz, i feel like i'm waiting for him. and i'm willing to, cuz i don't want to be with anyone else, and i told him that.. but i said.. i won't be done thinking about this until you say.. yes, i wanna go out with you again, or no, i don't want another relationship. so i said.. "what should i do, what do you think i should do." and he said.. "just go on with life, try to enjoy what you have right now, knowing that you have a wonderful future ahead of you." i said that i do know that, but i just feel unsettled with the whole.. me and him thing. he said he understands, and he'll let me know if and when he makes up his mind.
i kinda freaked myself out tonight... he was showing me a video that he had on his phone of his friends lil one year old daughter. and he was so sweet with her... they're outside, and bilal goes to her "smile!!" and she's looking at the phone, and bilal is laughing, then the baby babbles, and bilal babbles back at her. i've never seen him like that. and the first thing that went thru my head was... "aw, i want to have babies with bilal." so yeah, freaked me out. but i seriously can see myself marrying him and having kids with him. =/ even though i know it probably wouldn't work out. blah.
i was watching home movies tonight. mostly ones with my brother in them. seeing him, and hearing his voice, almost makes it feel like he's really not gone. and even though he is.. i can still see him, and hear his voice whenever i want. so that makes me happy.
so yeah, back to bilal. really confused. he was saying... it'll just happen, i'll know when i wanna go back out with you again, like when we first started going out, it just happened. nobody planned it, and i want that to happen again. i guess i should just go with the flow of things right now. i really can't complain, cuz i am happy with how things are. i've gotten so much closer to him, and feel like i can open up more to him, without feeling like i'm going to be judged. and i know that he'll always be in my life, so i should just stop pressuring things to happen, and let things go how they are going to go.
i gotta go do french homework. this semester needs to end.. like.. tomorrow.
we were laying in my bed, holding hands... and i said.. bilal, when are you wanna go out again?" and he was just saying that he doesnt know, that it'll just happen on his own, and he'll just know. grr. frustrating.
i was explaining to him.. how i feel stuck. cuz, i feel like i'm waiting for him. and i'm willing to, cuz i don't want to be with anyone else, and i told him that.. but i said.. i won't be done thinking about this until you say.. yes, i wanna go out with you again, or no, i don't want another relationship. so i said.. "what should i do, what do you think i should do." and he said.. "just go on with life, try to enjoy what you have right now, knowing that you have a wonderful future ahead of you." i said that i do know that, but i just feel unsettled with the whole.. me and him thing. he said he understands, and he'll let me know if and when he makes up his mind.
i kinda freaked myself out tonight... he was showing me a video that he had on his phone of his friends lil one year old daughter. and he was so sweet with her... they're outside, and bilal goes to her "smile!!" and she's looking at the phone, and bilal is laughing, then the baby babbles, and bilal babbles back at her. i've never seen him like that. and the first thing that went thru my head was... "aw, i want to have babies with bilal." so yeah, freaked me out. but i seriously can see myself marrying him and having kids with him. =/ even though i know it probably wouldn't work out. blah.
i was watching home movies tonight. mostly ones with my brother in them. seeing him, and hearing his voice, almost makes it feel like he's really not gone. and even though he is.. i can still see him, and hear his voice whenever i want. so that makes me happy.
so yeah, back to bilal. really confused. he was saying... it'll just happen, i'll know when i wanna go back out with you again, like when we first started going out, it just happened. nobody planned it, and i want that to happen again. i guess i should just go with the flow of things right now. i really can't complain, cuz i am happy with how things are. i've gotten so much closer to him, and feel like i can open up more to him, without feeling like i'm going to be judged. and i know that he'll always be in my life, so i should just stop pressuring things to happen, and let things go how they are going to go.
i gotta go do french homework. this semester needs to end.. like.. tomorrow.