whiny entry
so theres this guy here, ian.. he's in drama..first year. well it all started when he started sending me e-mails. i had never met this kid before, only a friendly smile or two. well he starts sending me "love letters" online. cute/stalkerish creepy, but cute. plus i was digging him. hes very attractive and very very charming. a little too charming. well two weekends ago we started hanging out, and there was an instant chemistry between us, we both confessed we felt strangely comfortable around each other. but i promised myself i wouldnt get involved, because first of all... hes supposedly fooling around this VA (visual artist) and this ballet dancer here. AND THEN SECOND OF ALL- hes in an open relationship with this girl in germany (hes from germany). so i promised PROMISED myself i wouldnt let myself get attached...but what the fuck do i do? i fucking get attached. so we soon started "hooking up" not great but good...and plus it was a real confidence booster with all the "youre so beautiful" and cheesy lines like that. well i dont know now im attached damn it...and i can tell he will never be willing to commit or even have enough respect for me to say..look im hooking up withyou so i wontbe hooking up with any other girl. i mean obviously he doesnt care that much...and thats not a whole lot of caring. i know that i can do better.i know i can find someone who will love me or care about me enough to say...look im withyou not anyone else...and i told him that drunkenly saturday...except it sounded a lot more pretentious...more like "theres tons of other guys who would love to be with me, i just dont think you appreciate me." yep drunken confidence always wonderful.well anyways..im just feeling really hurt...and this is exactly why i promised myself i wouldnt get attached...i knew i would get hurt.
on another note...im in fall dance...this big deal performance here at school. im in sean sullivans piece. im the other cast of this girl blakeney..we alternate performances each night...and well i just have been feeling like i cant do anything right...so i basically have been canning this feeling and frustration up until today..where i totally had a break down and had to excuse myself from rehearsal for a few seconds. im just ...i dont even know...frustrated?
on another note...im getting a tattoo monday..i already paid the down payment.
on another note...im in fall dance...this big deal performance here at school. im in sean sullivans piece. im the other cast of this girl blakeney..we alternate performances each night...and well i just have been feeling like i cant do anything right...so i basically have been canning this feeling and frustration up until today..where i totally had a break down and had to excuse myself from rehearsal for a few seconds. im just ...i dont even know...frustrated?
on another note...im getting a tattoo monday..i already paid the down payment.