Entry #4 201408011

[shroomiedtd]

It has been a little over a month since my last post. Things have changed since then. I recently started getting the treatment I needed from the VA and everything has started to make sense since then. I see to psychs right now because they are trying to figure out if i need medicine or something. One of the therapists actually had me breaking down when they told me to tell them about the important people in my life. It seems I still have not gotten over the fact that my father is gone forever and that I truly blame myself for it. It also seems that for some reason I cannot let go of LC. Do not get me wrong. I have not contacted her or anything, but I can't let go of her. I was told that the reason I feel this way for these two people is because they were/are very important to me. I agree. I know this does not change anything that is going on now, but it helps me realize why I feel the way I do sometimes. I was also told that I might have (and still might be) manically depressed because of everything that has gone during the years, such as my marriage, military involvement, father's passing, losing of someone very important to me, and just feeling like I am someone who is broken and can not be fixed. I don;t know how true all this is, but I would like to think that I am doing better than before. In other news I aced my Math Midterms and Psychology Test. Focusing on school keeps me motivated to progressing in my life. In music news I started writing a new song, the music part is awesome, now just to find some lyrics. I have been having this feeling like something is going to happen soon. I just don't know if it is a positive or negative something. Whatever it is I am sure it will be interesting. I just wonder if anyone else out there feels the way I do sometimes. Then again, sometimes I don;t even know how I fell..oh well... Until next broadcast.

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