KOH -- Orlando, slash, and perving with Persephone...
Hallo! I still see the occasional review of KOH cropping up so it seems I haven't missed the boat entirely. Just to get the NON-SPOILERY stuff out of the way, I really liked the movie. I liked the characters, I liked the theme of it, I liked that it was thought-provoking and had a hero who used his brain and his judgement and his faith as well as his brawn. And I thought Orlando KICKED ASS. Or arse, as the case may be. I'm utterly stunned by the mud I've seen slung at him (and I don't mean the pretty mud smeared all over him throughout most of the film...*EG*). He had great physical presence, he had conviction with the character, he didn't flinch in the face of all these amazing actors (his confidence has greatly improved), he was supremely masculine--I mean, GAH--the testosterone nearly keeeeled me--and the *true* sign that he did well--at the end of the film I realized I'd forgotten it was Orlando. He *was* Balian to me, and considering how much I focus on Orlando as a person, I think that's a pretty amazing feat.
And hubby, who is a manly very het man, said he saw no problems with Orlando whatsoever and he was perplexed that anyone would criticize him. Hubby said Balian was stoic and introspective and didn't say much--just his kind of guy...lol.
I thought Edward Norton was absolutely stunning as Baldwin--the man never ceases to amaze me. Liam, of course, has great commanding presence and Jeremy Irons has the best fucking growl EVER. *G* David Thewlis had a wonderful wry charm and humanity...what a wonderful gift he has that you like him the moment he steps onto the screen. And I liked Eva Green...for what we saw of her. Her big, expressive eyes were mesmerizing and to me there's more than one layer to her character, which I liked. She wasn't just "the woman" in the film. I hope the DVD provides us with further enlightenment of her character.
The downside is that the movie runs a bit like a two and a half hour trailer. I'd like to sit the editor down and ask him just exactly what the hell was he thinking? His idea of a transition was just a jump cut to another scene, but usually focusing on the same character, and it really caused some confusion. A few times it was like, "Huh? What happened? I thought we were still over here...where are we now?" Most dramatic was the disappointing hacking of the love scene. I got all worked up at the mad ripping of clothes and then I saw a nude elbow and then we were in the desert again. WHAT???? O_o I've seen even professional movie critics pondering that one. Good grief, show one less fireball at the city wall and instead show us more nekkid Balian!! *weeps*
Also, the siege towers and all that were a bit too much like LOTR and having Orlando in the film just made the connection more obvious, and then Brendan Gleeson playing a similar over the top character like he did in Troy...argh. Just not some of the best choices.
And Balian *was* a bit romanticized and overly brilliant, but some of that is the fault of the cuts in the film, I think. It's the most forgiveable flaw, because I don't think this film is about absolute historical accuracy and realism. I'm so sick of that criticism. If you made it exactly realistic and not romanticized at all, the film would be fuckin' boring and brutal and would take ten years to watch. This film is a kind of fable, something you might tell your children, so they have something to aspire to. A perfect knight to cheer for. An ideal to look up to. In a way it reminded me of King Arthur and Camelot. Lord Balian and the Kingdom of Heaven. What's so wrong with that?
All in all, yes, the movie has flaws. But I've seen it twice now and enjoyed it just as thoroughly the second time as I did the first. I would like to see it again, and I'm excited about the extras that the DVD will hold, that I expect will make it a much better film. But to me, it already is a fine film and a wonderful experience.
Hubby and I stayed at a gorgeous resort on a lovely island, which dear perseph2hades drove three days to get to...lol. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but it was a helluva trip and it was lovely of her to make such an effort to see the crazy porny Amazon lady from the Midwest. :P
Persephone arrived at the resort and there was lots of squeeing and smooshing and more squeeing and then we got to talking with hubby...an hour and a half later we realized we'd missed the showing of KOH we'd planned to attend...lol. Persephone is witness now, that Mr. Shriney *does* exist, and has an extremely high tolerance for discussions of slash, Orlando, and all the craziness of fandom. He even has opinions on such things occasionally...hee!
Well, we bid my hubby goodbye for the time being and off Perseph and I went to the cool Gaslamp Quarter for dinner and Orlando/all other actors perving a movie. Again, the squee overcame us and we chatted happily on and on and drove right past our exit...hee. Luckily I noticed before we got to San Francisco *G* and so we made the appropriate U-turns and Perseph got us back where we needed to be! Teamwork! :D
By now we'd missed the next showing of KOH so we went to the theater and bought tickets for the 6:30, or somewhere's around there. A young man sold us our tickets, a sweet little cherubic innocent boy who apparently was ripe for corruption. There was a confusing bit where he asked if we were in the military (probably due to Perseph's Army shirt, but whatever the reason, the idea seemed to excite him...lol) and then asked if we were students. We said no to both but then belatedly I realized we may have gotten a discount if we'd said yes. I made some comment to the fact and then for reasons which have since become unclear to us...*giggles incessantly*...Persephone somehow alluded to the fact that she and I might be a couple...heee.
Ticket Boy seemed interested even more than the army idea had gotten him, and Perseph chastised him for listening to her comments and then, apparently, the overheated youngster *winked* slyly at her! I unfortunately missed it, but once we got outside, Persephone was howling and horrified all at once....heeeee.... We began to concoct scenarios by which Ticket Boy would be lying in wait for us in the theater when we returned, or as Perseph suggested, sitting in the back row with his pants off...LOL!!
Giggling and staggering down the street like horny military schoolgirls, we made our way to a very posh restaraunt. The Gaslamp Quarter is very cool; I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it. Down the main street, for about four blocks, it is almost solid restaurants. Each one has a little gated area on the sidewalk where you can sit outside to eat, and there is a menu posted right next to the host or hostess. So you can basically walk up and down the street and look at all the menus and decide which one looks the best to you. I had three meals there during our stay, one Mexican, one Italian, and one very gourmet American meal. Plus there are little trendy shops here and there in between, and most of the bars have live music every night, once it gets late. Even during the week the place was hopping, so that was pretty awesome. It's great for people-watching, I can tell you that!
Our waiter at dinner caused us a few giggles, too, bless his heart. He took his job *very* seriously, which I prefer to apathy of course, but sometimes it was pretty funny. He was, you know, one of *these* sorts of guys...
And kept leaning in and gesturing and "buona sera" and "benissimo" and "grazie" and anything we ordered off of the menu he went on about it in Italian while we nodded and smiled. *G* Of course, lovely Persephone asked about the merlot and knew of what she was speaking...*admires* Although perhaps she should have tried a pignot noir. (Hee...sorry, that will only be mildly amusing if you've seen Sideways..) I ordered my standard 7&7 and ravioli and was quite content. Some of the best ravioli I've ever had...in this heavenly tomato cream sauce...*writhes* I love good food. *happy sigh*
It was lovely getting to talk with Persephone and babble about all that stuff that would take 400 emails to discuss ordinarily. I am sure I said all kinds of inane things...when nervous I sometimes even offer opinions that I don't actually have, just because the babble gets away from me...hee. Hopefully she did not find me more than moderately insane. :P
Time was short, so we finished dinner and grinned at our flourishing and twirling waiter and then we were off to see the movie. Our ticket boy was not at the counter when we came in and I think we both had a moment of concern that the no-pants scenario might come true...hee. Alas, he had apparently got off for the night...*G*...and we didn't see him again.
To my horror, the damn movie had ALREADY STARTED when we got there--I mean, hell, our theaters show twenty minutes of previews and commercials before we ever get to see the film. The one time in AGES that I'm late to a movie and they started it ridiculously on time. *growls* So we stumbled down the dark hallway and I look up and there is two-story Orlando right in front of me. Persephone grabbed my arm and asked me if I was all right...lol...obviously she was concerned I might faint, but luckily I kept the squee under control until I got to my seat.
Orlandoooooooooooo...my honey honey honey! I love little boy Orli but manly dirty scruffy hot-as-fuck Orlando does me in all sorts of lovely ways as well. *touches self* *groans* Ahem. Anyway, the movie is gorgeous, as I expected it to be. The stills we saw beforehand were just a hint of the beauty of the film. The ethereal glowing blues of some scenes and then the rich earthy colors of others, just stunning. And lots of beautiful close-ups of everyone, and lots of flowing hair scenes for Orli and DAMN did his legs look sooooo long. *weeps* *clings to his slender, taut thighs* *licks*
Liam is one cool customer in this. I always have this weird "Ugh Liam" thing about him before I see a film, maybe because of some bad interview I read or something, but then when I see the actual film he's always amazing and has this lovely little sexual hum lurking just under the surface at all times. Or right on the surface, depending. :P His character's done his share of sins and he's not all that ashamed of them...Liam gives Godfrey a wonderful aura of confidence and "ah-what-the-hell" attitude, but he's also quite serious and earnest when he needs to be. I would have loooooved to see more of him and Balian together, because I thought he and Orli had good chemistry. Like I said earlier, Orlando didn't back down from his costars and that was TEH HOT. Balian listened to what people told him and complied when necessary, but he was no pushover or cowering wimp. He could be downright dismissive when he wanted to be--that scene where he rips the crop out of Guy's hand and slaps it down on the table next to him is priceless. I cackled. Whee!
The wealth of perviness you can find in this movie is wonderful, if you're wearing your slash-colored glasses, and hell, even the het stuff is delicious. Everyone either admires, respects, loathes, loves, or resents Balian, but they all order him around a lot, including Sibylla. Hee! And when they're saying stuff like "On your knees," and he goes a bit doe-eyed for a moment before complying...*growls* *fans self* I mean, the look on his face when he says "They had the right to take me" and then Godrey says "So did I..." *bays at the moon* I mean, OH MY!!
David Thewlis is a peach. This is so embarrassing, but I have to confess. I know a lot of gals were cheering about him being in this film and I was kinda like, "Erm, yeah, who is that again? Harry Potter movie, I think?" Then I'm watching the movie and thinking how much I love the Hospitaler, I mean the dude is awesome. He gets to be profound *and* snarky and does the whole thing with such likability and grace. Plus the way he eyeballs Balian is very yummy. I was just staring at him in appreciation and said "I LOVE that guy", knowing the actor was very familiar to me, and Perseph goes "Who, David Thewlis?"
*my face turns red*
OH! THAT'S David! *lightbulb* Heee...*runs and hides from David fans* I do adore him, I do!!
Persephone had warned me about the lack of sex scene so I was partially prepared, but I thought we'd get a LITTLE something. Holy crap! I was getting all worked up from the moment that Balian said, with ever so sly of a smile, that Ibelin is not on the way to where Sibylla said she was going. *starts panting* I'll be honest, I wasn't exactly sure what was meant by that whole "between people there is only light" stuff from her, but once she blew out that candle and they got all dark-eyed and hungry looking...*THUD* The clothes-ripping nearly did me in but then it was over and I was just like HUNHHHH??? I mean, hell, I had to watch some guy get a sword through the back of his skull, and I don't get rewarded with any Orli tushie or rippling muscles? *weeps* It was worse than premature ejaculation...it was just early foreplay and then it was over! AUGH! The inhumanity!!
Okay, moving on. :P Edward Norton. Yes, yes, yes, what a beautiful performance. How the man can be so affecting wearing a mask and being completely covered up....it's amazing. He must have loved it--such a pure acting performance, all voice inflection and body language. Although it took me a minute to smile my way through the fact that he was definitely channeling Marlon Brando for the vocalization. :) But Baldwin was such an interesting character, afflicted so young, suffering so much physically while having to deal with serious issues in his kingdom. I think a lot of what sold the character, too, was the other actors' treatment of him. Those that serve him respect him, and when you see that he has a powerful effect on both those that love him and those that hate him, it helps you to see past the mask yourself. I told hubby that the whole idea of royalty is an interesting one. People inheriting a title by birth had lead to some horribly unqualified and dangerous people getting to the throne--but it also gave a chance to people who never would have been chosen to lead. Can't imagine people rallying to a leper in many cases, right? But look at what strength and peaceful negotiating the man was capable of.
I hope there's more to the Balian/Baldwin scene on the DVD because as it stood it was very abrupt and one of those places where the editing was almost a bit ridiculous. I mean, the pacing was terrible, because it's this huge deal that he goes in to talk to the king, and then the king explains he's a leper, offers Balian some sage advice and then Balian gets up and leaves. While the king is ordering him what to do, of course...hee. But it was crazy; it definitely seemed like there should have been more of a conversation there.
Persephone said as well that there's definitely more of Balian spending time with his father and his father's men. Which we should have seen more of, because if we'd witnessed more of his training, more of his learning experiences with this varied group of men, it would have been easier to accept that Balian went on to become such a great leader, fighter, and battle-planning wizard. I got the concept from what was there, but I think those critics that were harping on his over-perfection just didn't see it with what they were given. Balian, and the way Orlando played him, was a different kind of leader. He was quiet, introspective, humble--to me he sort of sat back and collected data. He soaked up all the knowledge he could from each man he came in contact with. To me, Balian became such a great man because he knew to take the best of each man he encountered. You do see hints of that along the way--as when he uses his father's words to knight the men, or uses Baldwin's own words against him, or explains to Sibylla that her brother's kingdom was one of mind and heart--as the Hospitaler told him. It's kind of an interesting parallel to the film as a whole, really, because it follows that "Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it" idea. The point of hanging around wise, learned men is to shut up and learn their wisdom, rather than trying to be better and showing off and attempting to be superior. I think in a way that was what contributed to the loyalty the men felt towards him--he listened to and respected them, and took what they told him to heart. There's nothing a smart man likes better than someone actually hearing what they're telling them. Hell, anyone likes that.:P
Going back to Balian using his father's words, talk about slashville. Holy crap. The scene where Balian knights all the common men, WHAT were the filmmakers doing there? They find the prettiest little blonde boy and have him staring worshipfully at Balian, who in turn keeps locking eyes with him and finally tells him to get on his knees. *gulp* Then Balian totally bitch-slaps him and that little bit of a snarl Orlando does afterwards...whee! It's like, "That's just a taste of what's to come later, boy. I make you a knight today, and tonight I'll make a man of you..." LOL!! OMG!! And it's not Orlando's fault, truly--the previous scene with Godfrey and Balian didn't quite work on the level I think they wanted it to, either. But I suppose it may be Orlando's fault that he seems to enjoy the whole smacking thing...heee... *climbs him* Dirty boy!
Honestly, though, there was so much Balian-love going on it was crazy. I think Orlando was the perfect person for the role because you'd have to have a beauty like his to be able to sell such slobbering on the part of his elders...hee. From priests to knights to kings, they were all professing their love and grabbing his shoulder and fondling those lovely cheekbones...*writhes all over the slashy goodness*
There definitely wasn't enough Tiberias, as Persephone will most likely avidly agree with. *G* It was so much fun watching the film and then looking over to see that delightfully devilish gleam in her eye each time something slashy happend...hee! Like I said earlier, Jeremy has a killer growl, used to great effect here. We didn't see enough of Tiberias to really get a handle on him, though--he was a good man but had some definite repressed rage going on. I thought that it was a good way to show the desperation of the situation when even he couldn't handle it anymore. Gave us good insight into Balian's fortitude, that he still managed to keep on.
And speaking of that time of hopelessness, David Thewliss made me smile and then cry terribly, when Balian told his character that he was riding to certain death. And he said that all death was certain, and that he would tell Godfrey of the man Balian had become. *weeps*
I know I did also want to say that Marton Csokas seemed to be channeling Tim Curry for this role...heee. Guy and Reynald were a bit more stereotyped characters, so there wasn't really much that could be done about that. I'm wondering if there is more of Guy in the DVD because it seems there could have been a bit enlightenment on that score as well.
After the movie, I ran towards the bathroom, and told Perseph I needed some private time...lol. Seeing Orlando all manly dirty sexy shirtless and buff, on top of all the slashy innuendo, just made me into a quivering mess! I don't think I have it in me to write any slash in this fandom, but I can definitely see the incredible potential (aside from the whole early-death-of-main-characters problem that stewardess_lotr recently pointed out...hee) and it shall be fun to read what you slashy and more historically-minded gals come up with!
We escaped the theater, unaccosted by Ticket Boy, and made our way back to the resort. We discovered my hubby in the lobby, where he had gone to flee the horrible band performing for a conference that was being held there. We situated ourselves in a lovely little alcove of the lounge area, with a nighttime view of the large Coronado Bay bridge and the water and the deck and the palms all around...*happy sigh* We talked for hours about the film, trying to keep from spoilering hubby too much, and of course more about slash and fandom and crazy people we've run into. We also told Mr. Shriney about the Winking Ticket Boy and our very dedicated waiter...hee! And then all three of us had an interesting encounter with Mr. Drunk Business Man, who obviously thought (or was hoping) that we were part of the conference. He stumbled over and sputtered something garbled to my husband, who asked him to repeat himself. The man did, and my husband said "No." Mr. Drunk Man said "Oh okay" and stumbled right off again, while hubby informed us that he'd had NO idea what the man had said at all...lol. So obviously, next time you encounter a weird drunken babbling man, just say "No" and he'll go away...heeee!
Free of drunken visitors, we discussed some of the criticisms of the film, and I'll just say here that frankly I just don't get it. I love all the "It's no Gladiator" crap. It's like, erm, if it was done JUST like Gladiator, and you got Russell Crowe, it would FUCKING *BE* Gladiator, and NOT A DIFFERENT FILM!! And sheesh, maybe it's happened to other actors that I don't follow, but Orlando seems to get criticisms like I've never seen. I mean, paragraph upon paragraph in a single review about what a wimp he is and insult after insult? It's like, hmmmm...staggeringly jealous perhaps? Not getting any? Mad because Orlando will never want to shag you? Personally, I can't see a reason to criticize him in this film, and it's ridiculous to compare him to other actors who are ten to thirty years older than him, too. I also love the criticism that he's only got a few different facial expressions. Hmm. How many fucking expressions did Russell have in Gladiator? Hubby added that there wasn't *anyone* in KOH that had wildly differing expressions--shit, everyone was ANGRY AND/OR DEPRESSED. Oh look, it's a war where thousands of people are dying! I think I'll use my "wryly amused" expression, or perhaps "barely contained joy". Balian's child died and his wife killed herself, and he's told she's wandering around hell with her head cut off. Hmmm...if there was any reason to stumble around like you're completely dead inside, I would guess that would be it. *grumbles* *shakes fist*
Anyway, enough of that. *splashes cold water on face* I really liked the film, flaws and all. I liked the message about religion being quite different from faith. And how the Pope's not exactly doing what Jesus might have done. And that people are more important than relics. And that if you want to create the perfect Kingdom of Heaven, that slaughtering your enemies and detractors and rowing your way to power on a river of blood is not the way to do it.
I liked that the Muslims were portrayed fairly and not as just some sort of caricatures. I really should say, too, that Ghassan Massoud was sooo wonderful as Saladin. The dialogue was pretty spare in this, and sometimes maybe even a bit silly, so all the actors had to rely a lot on presence, and making the most of what dialogue they were given. I think he succeeded very well. It's funny, though, because this second time that I watched the film, his vocal inflection reminded me of Teresa in the Sharpe series...hee. Maybe that was just me. Perseph tells me that Saladin was portrayed realistically, that historically he was the way he is in the film. I saw one reviewer that said that the film managed to piss off people of all religions, which was generally a sign that you were doing something right.
I know there've been criticisms of the even-handedness of the film, and that there wasn't enough religion in a movie about a war between religions. Maybe you could accuse them of some simplification, but I think the point was that rarely is anything like this really *about* God and religion. Each side used God as their excuse for doing any number of things, good or evil, and the parallel of "God wills it" being shouted out by each side just before they go to kill a bunch of people was a fabulous display of that. And if all our Gods are so different, it's interesting we all ended up with some sort of claim on the same patch of ground. And additionally, I think it was pointing out that there are rational people of every religion, and the crazy zealots that inevitably ruin it for everyone else.
Wow...really, this post has become quite long and I suppose I should end now. I'm sure lots more stuff will come up in the comments, if any of you are still reading and have the energy to comment, that is. *G*
Eventually, Persephone had to leave us and go back home, and it was obvious it hadn't been enough time...*clings* Hopefully I'll get to journey out that way again soon so we can have some more squee!! (Or ya know, she could come out this way...*hint hint nudge nudge*) I had such a lovely time and so many giggles and oh yes, Perseph quite liked my puffy-cheeked pursed-lip whiny-voiced impersonation of Renee Zellweger...heee... I'm happy I could make her laugh. She's such a delightful, worldly, wise and deliriously fun woman, with such a wicked mind. *G*
So, that is all, other than to just say that I love Orlando, in case I hadn't made that clear. Look at those LEGS! AUGH!!!
Thanks for reading!!
xoxoxo Babbly Shriney
(Thanks to my flist and Elf Lady and leggyslove and Patricia from Viggo's Celluloid Haven for the caps!)