Nocturnal State. ....Ideas..Ideas are bulletproof.
I hate when you stay up because your forced to think. Actually it's probably healthy for you but so is good rest. I sometimes can't help but play a philosopher at the wee hours of the PM or AM more like it. Ever wonder why it's so hard to be honest with yourself? I mean honesty is the best policy but why do we pass by it with ourselves? Alright so Ive decided to become more honest with myself in this little journal of mine and articulate my thoughts in narrowed down points:
Shouldnt people be told more often how much their appreciated.?! or even so know that they are desired or important not only through actions of through words. Actions speak 1,000 words but words are reasurance.
2) I've never felt so reflexive on my relationship with my mom until this year. Too be honest it's tearing me a part in some cases.
3) Why is it hard for u to talk to somepeople when your not sure or get the feeling theyre not listening? Or if the talking isnt practical in the sense of being productive. I feel like I'm a good talker with some people and than others I don't. It's kind of like a vibe you pick up from the recieving end or something.
4) The uncertianty of life ingeneral. Everyone feels it. I'm so happy for what I'm surrounded by but why am I being insecure about things? Hmmm...
5) Why go with something when your not 100%..why be involved with something if your not 100%?
6) Why know who you are to a degree but get the feeling that your not from someone or something? Like theyre/situations not showing you your potential that is quite apparent to people who know u best.
7) Why not just live life without concerns or thinking too far into things? It's not that easy. I know I think too far into things but most of the time it's for a reason.
8) I think I get to bored with life. It's crappy because I know I shouldnt but repitition bores the shit out of me. I can't help it sometimes. I always enjoy something new, some type of change. Need to work on that but in a productive way.
9) I think Im going to end it with #9... lazyness does effect your surroundings. Effects a variety of accents of life.
10) I've declared even with this deep/ possibly sappy journal entry of mine ...I am not a deebie downer by all means just thinking realistic on negative feelings. I am proud of myself for thinking positively most or the time. Being really laid back especially on my own feelings/concerns is essentially pretty good but sometimes it bites ya in the ass.
Ahh the things you ponder about at 1:30 in the morning or so. Just small things running through that brain of mine.
In all honesty:
There is a comfort in typing in my livejournal because I know some true friends read this so Im not caring about letting things out when they should. Typing is easier though but like I've always said in deep journals before, I don't care who in particular reads this but I know it's a way to reflect on feelings. And well damn it we feel things.
Going to try to sleep while my penis deprived cat moans all night because we're too poor to fix her yet lol. Also while freggin crazy dumbasses are playing on our ghetto ass playground at NottingHam right by my window. Jumping up and down with the rusty ol' seasaw. Shut the F*** Up! lol.