(no subject)
Mh...Cause I just had a mood swing, I decided I would post again. Sadly, all of my eloquence is being shot out to Tony. Sorry Tony. Sorry self...I change within what seems a millisecond. Beh.
So, I'm becoming social, I guess. Why does it feel so unreal, and so fake? Why does it feel that everything is nothing, and nothing is everything?
It's all about having those friends that you've had since kindergarten. Those same friends' parents, are the friends of YOUR parents. You've been bound to be best friends for life. It seems that your path is repeating your parents with this bond, or your sisters, and so on...
But, isn't that such a closed world? Don't you feel horrible, not to be open to all options? It's like being the tomato sauce in the tomato soup, you need spices of all sorts, and hints of different kinds, to make you delicious.
..I guess it's my environment. I go to a private school, live in a small town where everyone has lived here their whole life. I'm truly glad for them, to have kept friends of that sort, but...What good is it for me? It's not good at all.
New people are not welcomed, especially bright, intelligent people.
I hate to sound self-centered, and pompous, but...I admit to being intelligent. I also admit to being competitive, and fast working. I sometimes wish for others to do so much, but sometimes, I can be lazy. I'm not mean, or in any way shape or form cruel, despite what I've been called. Such names, I don't wish to use at this time. Why don't you just think of a random swear? That's what they've used.
I've been lazy in my studies, these last few years. When I hit rock bottom in depression, I stopped caring. I came here, and disapeared. Now I'm back into the world, and I'm seeing all these things...I learned a lot-as odd as it sounds-from being around here. I learned how to write, some drawing skills, and of course, typing skills. I guess I kind of found hobbies, and some more knowledge of others.
But, most of all, I admit to finding several wonderful facades...
It's almost humbling, to place one of these 'masks' on, and turn your back to the world. Or, turn your face to it. Hm...I guess, a lot of people think I'm cheery, wonderful, sometimes crazy and insane. No...
Even after these two years, I cannot tell you what I am, nor who I am. I know my name, but that does not give any clue to me, as I am. I feel as if I'm a part of others, and a product of my enviorment...But, then again, isn't that everyone?
Is everyone made up of others? Are we all just facades?...Are we really something under the things that we've chosen to imitate?
A mask. And then, another mask. And another after that. Does it ever end? When did it begin...?
Maybe instead of finding myself, I have forgotten myself. But all of these things either are questions, or start with a maybe. It's all something that can never be proved.
I lost my rant...maybe next time.
So, I'm becoming social, I guess. Why does it feel so unreal, and so fake? Why does it feel that everything is nothing, and nothing is everything?
It's all about having those friends that you've had since kindergarten. Those same friends' parents, are the friends of YOUR parents. You've been bound to be best friends for life. It seems that your path is repeating your parents with this bond, or your sisters, and so on...
But, isn't that such a closed world? Don't you feel horrible, not to be open to all options? It's like being the tomato sauce in the tomato soup, you need spices of all sorts, and hints of different kinds, to make you delicious.
..I guess it's my environment. I go to a private school, live in a small town where everyone has lived here their whole life. I'm truly glad for them, to have kept friends of that sort, but...What good is it for me? It's not good at all.
New people are not welcomed, especially bright, intelligent people.
I hate to sound self-centered, and pompous, but...I admit to being intelligent. I also admit to being competitive, and fast working. I sometimes wish for others to do so much, but sometimes, I can be lazy. I'm not mean, or in any way shape or form cruel, despite what I've been called. Such names, I don't wish to use at this time. Why don't you just think of a random swear? That's what they've used.
I've been lazy in my studies, these last few years. When I hit rock bottom in depression, I stopped caring. I came here, and disapeared. Now I'm back into the world, and I'm seeing all these things...I learned a lot-as odd as it sounds-from being around here. I learned how to write, some drawing skills, and of course, typing skills. I guess I kind of found hobbies, and some more knowledge of others.
But, most of all, I admit to finding several wonderful facades...
It's almost humbling, to place one of these 'masks' on, and turn your back to the world. Or, turn your face to it. Hm...I guess, a lot of people think I'm cheery, wonderful, sometimes crazy and insane. No...
Even after these two years, I cannot tell you what I am, nor who I am. I know my name, but that does not give any clue to me, as I am. I feel as if I'm a part of others, and a product of my enviorment...But, then again, isn't that everyone?
Is everyone made up of others? Are we all just facades?...Are we really something under the things that we've chosen to imitate?
A mask. And then, another mask. And another after that. Does it ever end? When did it begin...?
Maybe instead of finding myself, I have forgotten myself. But all of these things either are questions, or start with a maybe. It's all something that can never be proved.
I lost my rant...maybe next time.