A new year
So a new year is almost upon us and ive nothing more to show for it than what i came into it with so im making a few new resolutions for myself this year. Ill be going to toronto this year even tho ive been utterly fucked over by the canadian culsulate who suddendly lowered their age limit to 30 and utterly devastated me, but ive done my moping over that and ill find another way there.
Ill finally have myself sorted as a human being and i wont be recognisable from the person i was before, maybe.
My new resolution comes down to basically not taking any more shit from people. All my life ive given of myself and rarely gotten anything like what i give back in return. I know i have a tendency to only chase what i cant have the most and it makes me seem desperate and weak which perhaps i am sometimes, but itll be changing. I can think of one special little online lady in my life at the moment who claims to be so fond of me that she fears falling in love with me. Yet she doesnt make any effort to contact me and can take 2 weeks to reply to a message. It sounds so simple but i need to learn fast and true to just ignore behaviour like that and not expect anything from them and also not to give anything more to them. I have that terrible habit of chasing the wind and its a self-feeding trait that spirals into self hate and needyness. Being somewhere new and with life and friends around me that i can pick and choose as being suitable and deserving of me is hopefully the answer to not having to chase fair breezes.
Not sure where this is coming from but i watched The Bucket List last nite and maybe that help poke me in the right direction, everything ends, possibly even myself at some point tho i still intend to live forever. Im coming to understand impermanence.
I just finished watching I Am Legend and that reminded me of myself too, a man desperately trying to hold onto his sanity. Luckily there are no cgi vamps added into my life tho.
In other news ill be posting this years crimbo mix somewhere soon. :)
Ill finally have myself sorted as a human being and i wont be recognisable from the person i was before, maybe.
My new resolution comes down to basically not taking any more shit from people. All my life ive given of myself and rarely gotten anything like what i give back in return. I know i have a tendency to only chase what i cant have the most and it makes me seem desperate and weak which perhaps i am sometimes, but itll be changing. I can think of one special little online lady in my life at the moment who claims to be so fond of me that she fears falling in love with me. Yet she doesnt make any effort to contact me and can take 2 weeks to reply to a message. It sounds so simple but i need to learn fast and true to just ignore behaviour like that and not expect anything from them and also not to give anything more to them. I have that terrible habit of chasing the wind and its a self-feeding trait that spirals into self hate and needyness. Being somewhere new and with life and friends around me that i can pick and choose as being suitable and deserving of me is hopefully the answer to not having to chase fair breezes.
Not sure where this is coming from but i watched The Bucket List last nite and maybe that help poke me in the right direction, everything ends, possibly even myself at some point tho i still intend to live forever. Im coming to understand impermanence.
I just finished watching I Am Legend and that reminded me of myself too, a man desperately trying to hold onto his sanity. Luckily there are no cgi vamps added into my life tho.
In other news ill be posting this years crimbo mix somewhere soon. :)