you are the nightlight ripping through my wicked world
Earlier this week I said I would do drabbles and picspam, and since I've written a couple of drabbles, it is once again time for me to flail about some dude in a band, at femmequixotic's request.
Dear Patrick Stump,
HOW CUTE ARE YOU? So cute I don't understand why people aren't constantly hugging your LITTLE FACE.
Okay, maybe I should back up. This dude is the lead singer in a band called Fall Out Boy. I have a crush on him of epic and ridiculous proportions. Whatever it is that's beyond writing Mrs. Patrick Stump on my Trapper Keeper in glitter pen? That is where I am.
And if you don't know who this dude is, you're probably thinking, "This guy? You have a crush on this guy? He's short and balding and has a tummy and what is up with those sideburns, really. Are you -- are you high?"
But the thing is, see, Patrick is made of magic and puppies and pure concentrated awesome. His voice is pretty great, and he writes music that makes me really happy.
And he has this mouth.
His mouth never fails to inspire dirty thoughts in my brain. And let me tell you, after a decade in fandom, the number of dirty things I know about is rather large and terrifying and hilarious, and is also something that no one is allowed to tell my father, okay?
MOUTH, seriously, people.
Also, he is such a complete music nerd that they make him play trivia games on music shows. Also also, he is ADORABLE.
Dorkalicious boy candy.
I honestly don't know how my ridiculously epic crush happened. One day, this guy was filed in my brain as "that dude whose name I don't know who's in that one band, yeah, him, I think I dig his voice" and the next day he became "OH MY GOD PATRICK STUMP I THINK I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES."
"OH MY GOD PATRICK STUMP I THINK I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES BUT PETE WENTZ IS NOT ALLOWED TO DRESS THEM IN UGLY ONESIES OKAY."
Really, what's better than a tiny nerd in argyle? Not much!
Patrick Stump! How so adorable?!
I-I spend a lot of time exclaiming "his faaaaaace" and making grabby-hands.
Normally I would feel wrong for perving on someone born in 1984, but I just can't help myself.
Tiny music nerd rock star who plays Warhammer!
He reads comics! He games! He does karaoke! He produces for other bands a lot!
He is messy and dorky and knows absolutely nothing about sports!
But I understand that if you haven't watched any interviews or seen him perform, you're probably dubious about this whole PATRICK STUMP I THINK I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES thing.
I mean, I don't even like children.
And any kids we'd have would be very short, very curvaceous, and very blind, but hey.
*makes grabby-hands*
HIS LITTLE FAAAACE.
Okay, so, Patrick Stump = Adorable.
I think I've covered the Adorable angle.
I can fling Patrick=Adorable evidence at you all day.
Do not even ask me how many pictures I have of him because I don't know.
Let us just call it a "metric fuckton of adorable" and leave it at that.
And Pete Wentz keeps posting more adorable photos of Patrick, like, every week.
I am often very grateful that Pete Wentz is such a BNF camwhore internet junkie.
Now that we've covered adorable, we shall move on to Patrick = Adorable and Hot.
It is like when you're dating someone, and objectively you know they aren't Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie or anything, but you still find that person hot like burning.
Patrick Stump, an acquired taste!
Like beer and coffee and Macs and things and other things.
Sexy things.
I like having an epic crush on someone who isn't a size zero.
Also, the fact that the entire band is pocket-sized?
It's both adorable and fantastic for me, being a fellow pocket-sized person.
I do not understand why no one is doing dirty things to him in this photo. Perhaps this is the before or after shot?
If you haven't seen Fall Out Boy in concert, you may not know that Patrick struts while he plays sometimes, and I have been known to say "oh my fucking ggnnnaaaaaaaah" when observing this from the mosh pit.
I have a competence kink, so I find it hot when people are good at their chosen tasks.
So what you should be prepared for are a metric fuckton of pictures where Patrick is singing and playing the guitar, for he is good at both those things.
Are you even paying attention to anything I'm writing at this point?
I could just start randomly posting gibberish.
Hi, hi, fedora, hi.
Or I could quote lines from 80s movies or perhaps things from episodes of The Office.
Oh my Jesus, HIS FACE. Um.
Gnnnaaaaagh.
And also his sweet little ass.
Also also his mouth, which I will mention approximately eleventy billion times, because have you seen his mouth?
ASS OF PATRICK STUMP. Even the sign is with me.
Vampire Hunter Patrick!
Sith!
Bless the hot nerds, each and every one.
So, yeah, mouth.
I can't believe I haven't mentioned his thighs yet. There's a community devoted to his thighs.
Well-deserved. Hello, Patrick's thighs.
How you doin'?
Pretty good, I see.
I mean, have you seen any of my posts about Frank Iero? Tiny rhythm guitarists seem to be my kryptonite.
So not only is Patrick a tiny music nerd dorkalicious dorkmeister, he also apparently is such a Law & Order nerd that he's been begging to be on the show for years.
Only he insists on not playing a rock star, because he doesn't think he's believable as a rock star.
I simultaneously understand exactly where he's coming from, and yet also want to print up T-shirts proclaiming "PATRICK STUMP IS A GOD DAMN ROCK STAR".
Or possibly "PATRICK STUMP: STEALTH HOTASS".
So yeah, Patrick's going to be on Law & Order, and he'll be playing a suspected murderer.
I am pretty gleeful about this.
Oh, Patrick Stump, how are you real?
Why don't you come over to my place, tiny man, and we'll watch Labyrinth and obsess about David Bowie.
It will be awesome fun times!
But Patrick's not just a piece of meat, you know!
I would really like to get my hands on his iTunes.
That's not a euphemism this time, I seriously would love to poke around his music library.
*makes grabby-hands*
Ugh, how so hot, Patrick Stump?
It is almost inexplicable. Except for how I've been explicating.
Love the new hat, by the way.
And it shouldn't be so adorable that he knows practically nothing about Mötley Crüe.
But that's Patrick Stump for you. ADORABLE DORKFACE NERDBOY.
I now have ten million things in my inbox. Damn it!
Dear Patrick Stump,
HOW CUTE ARE YOU? So cute I don't understand why people aren't constantly hugging your LITTLE FACE.
Okay, maybe I should back up. This dude is the lead singer in a band called Fall Out Boy. I have a crush on him of epic and ridiculous proportions. Whatever it is that's beyond writing Mrs. Patrick Stump on my Trapper Keeper in glitter pen? That is where I am.
And if you don't know who this dude is, you're probably thinking, "This guy? You have a crush on this guy? He's short and balding and has a tummy and what is up with those sideburns, really. Are you -- are you high?"
But the thing is, see, Patrick is made of magic and puppies and pure concentrated awesome. His voice is pretty great, and he writes music that makes me really happy.
And he has this mouth.
His mouth never fails to inspire dirty thoughts in my brain. And let me tell you, after a decade in fandom, the number of dirty things I know about is rather large and terrifying and hilarious, and is also something that no one is allowed to tell my father, okay?
MOUTH, seriously, people.
Also, he is such a complete music nerd that they make him play trivia games on music shows. Also also, he is ADORABLE.
Dorkalicious boy candy.
I honestly don't know how my ridiculously epic crush happened. One day, this guy was filed in my brain as "that dude whose name I don't know who's in that one band, yeah, him, I think I dig his voice" and the next day he became "OH MY GOD PATRICK STUMP I THINK I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES."
"OH MY GOD PATRICK STUMP I THINK I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES BUT PETE WENTZ IS NOT ALLOWED TO DRESS THEM IN UGLY ONESIES OKAY."
Really, what's better than a tiny nerd in argyle? Not much!
Patrick Stump! How so adorable?!
I-I spend a lot of time exclaiming "his faaaaaace" and making grabby-hands.
Normally I would feel wrong for perving on someone born in 1984, but I just can't help myself.
Tiny music nerd rock star who plays Warhammer!
He reads comics! He games! He does karaoke! He produces for other bands a lot!
He is messy and dorky and knows absolutely nothing about sports!
But I understand that if you haven't watched any interviews or seen him perform, you're probably dubious about this whole PATRICK STUMP I THINK I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES thing.
I mean, I don't even like children.
And any kids we'd have would be very short, very curvaceous, and very blind, but hey.
*makes grabby-hands*
HIS LITTLE FAAAACE.
Okay, so, Patrick Stump = Adorable.
I think I've covered the Adorable angle.
I can fling Patrick=Adorable evidence at you all day.
Do not even ask me how many pictures I have of him because I don't know.
Let us just call it a "metric fuckton of adorable" and leave it at that.
And Pete Wentz keeps posting more adorable photos of Patrick, like, every week.
I am often very grateful that Pete Wentz is such a BNF camwhore internet junkie.
Now that we've covered adorable, we shall move on to Patrick = Adorable and Hot.
It is like when you're dating someone, and objectively you know they aren't Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie or anything, but you still find that person hot like burning.
Patrick Stump, an acquired taste!
Like beer and coffee and Macs and things and other things.
Sexy things.
I like having an epic crush on someone who isn't a size zero.
Also, the fact that the entire band is pocket-sized?
It's both adorable and fantastic for me, being a fellow pocket-sized person.
I do not understand why no one is doing dirty things to him in this photo. Perhaps this is the before or after shot?
If you haven't seen Fall Out Boy in concert, you may not know that Patrick struts while he plays sometimes, and I have been known to say "oh my fucking ggnnnaaaaaaaah" when observing this from the mosh pit.
I have a competence kink, so I find it hot when people are good at their chosen tasks.
So what you should be prepared for are a metric fuckton of pictures where Patrick is singing and playing the guitar, for he is good at both those things.
Are you even paying attention to anything I'm writing at this point?
I could just start randomly posting gibberish.
Hi, hi, fedora, hi.
Or I could quote lines from 80s movies or perhaps things from episodes of The Office.
Oh my Jesus, HIS FACE. Um.
Gnnnaaaaagh.
And also his sweet little ass.
Also also his mouth, which I will mention approximately eleventy billion times, because have you seen his mouth?
ASS OF PATRICK STUMP. Even the sign is with me.
Vampire Hunter Patrick!
Sith!
Bless the hot nerds, each and every one.
So, yeah, mouth.
I can't believe I haven't mentioned his thighs yet. There's a community devoted to his thighs.
Well-deserved. Hello, Patrick's thighs.
How you doin'?
Pretty good, I see.
I mean, have you seen any of my posts about Frank Iero? Tiny rhythm guitarists seem to be my kryptonite.
So not only is Patrick a tiny music nerd dorkalicious dorkmeister, he also apparently is such a Law & Order nerd that he's been begging to be on the show for years.
Only he insists on not playing a rock star, because he doesn't think he's believable as a rock star.
I simultaneously understand exactly where he's coming from, and yet also want to print up T-shirts proclaiming "PATRICK STUMP IS A GOD DAMN ROCK STAR".
Or possibly "PATRICK STUMP: STEALTH HOTASS".
So yeah, Patrick's going to be on Law & Order, and he'll be playing a suspected murderer.
I am pretty gleeful about this.
Oh, Patrick Stump, how are you real?
Why don't you come over to my place, tiny man, and we'll watch Labyrinth and obsess about David Bowie.
It will be awesome fun times!
But Patrick's not just a piece of meat, you know!
I would really like to get my hands on his iTunes.
That's not a euphemism this time, I seriously would love to poke around his music library.
*makes grabby-hands*
Ugh, how so hot, Patrick Stump?
It is almost inexplicable. Except for how I've been explicating.
Love the new hat, by the way.
And it shouldn't be so adorable that he knows practically nothing about Mötley Crüe.
But that's Patrick Stump for you. ADORABLE DORKFACE NERDBOY.
I now have ten million things in my inbox. Damn it!