anger and sadness fulfills me
tonight started out as a innocent night but emotions will have there turns and you found yourself in a place you never thought you would be. Tonight i went out with Melissa and morgan for melissa's 24th b-day. While i am ok with this melissa had her new boyfriend or guy friend whatever you call him join us at the bar. I know i broke up with her and i should wish her the best i can't help to feel sad. I feel sad because maybe there is a part of me that wishes i was with her still but my heart knows its for the best because i wasn't the one for her. I take it as a slap in the face kinda that she brought her new guy with her. I know being her friend i should know this would happen but it catches you blind sided the first time it happens. I ended up taking the max and shorter walk than i had imagined from downtown. I feel sorry for myself that i am unable to move on and begin my own life once again. When i shook melissa's new guy friends hand i had a feeling that i only felt once in my life. It wasn't a feeling of hate or anger but a feeling i knew what was in store for them. The first time i had this feeling was when i met marilee's future husband. I know this new guy will be the man melissa will marry even if she doesn't know it yet. Maybe i have a gift of knowing these sort of things or maybe its just in my head. I want to cry in self pity that i will not ever experience that feeling shaking a girls hand for the first time. Being single is the torch that i carry and one i should learn to carry without remorse. I feel angry because i know in my heart that the combination of the guy i am the and girl that would make me happy don't exist. I should try and focus on making my sole existence happy live life till my final solution comes.