here's the thing.
writing is easy. all you have to do is sit down and open a vein.
except i feel exhausted and bled out. i feel like everything ive ever written is resurfacing and i'm foolish for not having learned my lesson. there's a point where hope turns into regret and time wasted; missed opportunities. i know we cant have it all, but why cant we be blessed with the foresight to save us time and emotion?
guess that's the essence of life. every decision counts.
being with him made me realize that i love to be giving. i still want to give to him but theres a part of me that wont allow it anymore. dont know if thats self preservation or stupidity. i dont want to go back there. i wonder if these personality traits have been there all along or if i'm just seeing things that i want to see, making a case out of clues that i misinterpret. either way he's a hurtful man and i dont want to be in the line of fire anymore. i want to be safe and happy and loved. i know that the only person i can really trust, that's really going to be in it for the long haul is myself and that that's the person that i need to enrich and nourish and take care of. im sure at some point i will find the need for someone else once again, and maybe by then i will be ready for a serious and realistic reletionship. i have to try not to lose sight of what's important to me in a mate. i find that i want to be treated with chivalry but i dont want my strength and will to go unnoticed. i deserve repect from someone that's not afraid to stand up to me and i want someone as intelligent and creative as i am. and damnit someone beautiful that i match and admire.
that's not too much to ask, is it?
except i feel exhausted and bled out. i feel like everything ive ever written is resurfacing and i'm foolish for not having learned my lesson. there's a point where hope turns into regret and time wasted; missed opportunities. i know we cant have it all, but why cant we be blessed with the foresight to save us time and emotion?
guess that's the essence of life. every decision counts.
being with him made me realize that i love to be giving. i still want to give to him but theres a part of me that wont allow it anymore. dont know if thats self preservation or stupidity. i dont want to go back there. i wonder if these personality traits have been there all along or if i'm just seeing things that i want to see, making a case out of clues that i misinterpret. either way he's a hurtful man and i dont want to be in the line of fire anymore. i want to be safe and happy and loved. i know that the only person i can really trust, that's really going to be in it for the long haul is myself and that that's the person that i need to enrich and nourish and take care of. im sure at some point i will find the need for someone else once again, and maybe by then i will be ready for a serious and realistic reletionship. i have to try not to lose sight of what's important to me in a mate. i find that i want to be treated with chivalry but i dont want my strength and will to go unnoticed. i deserve repect from someone that's not afraid to stand up to me and i want someone as intelligent and creative as i am. and damnit someone beautiful that i match and admire.
that's not too much to ask, is it?