bullshit insight to consuming to delete
everything to be done, must be done in one week. while my life collapses around me, and i frantically run all over this fucking city dragging light kits, cameras, spare clothes and boxes, and i give up sleep, sanity, and a sense of comfort and security, i realize that it was always my frantic insane attempts to always do everything at once that gave me my charm. through term papers, film shoots and trying to find time to see both brian and tory, i still managed to see the accident's set at the brickyard and spend some time smoking pot with Gwen and holding her hand through her 'robert turner' phase. and as soon as one mad dash to the finish line for projects ends, a new begins, with barely a second to breathe. im starting a whole new cycle of studying for and writing finals, hand processing my b&w roll, splicing my film all up and together, still seeing both boys (i know i should've made a decision by now, but im moving so whats the point?), and in between all that i was trying desperately to arrange it so that i could run off to victoria for the night, attend the fiesta ciesta at radicaltown and jet back here with enough time to still accomplish everything. vics not going to happen though, and im beating myself up over it. so instead i'll accept a second best activity, which is still pretty rad: metric at richards with liz, ian, brian, and gwen. it could be a really fun group, even though none of them really know each other except through me.
but still, i miss victoria's stubbed out buildings barely standing at attention, its small-world sunny downtown days and of course all the super friends. i wanted so badly to go see them, it seems this would have been one of the last events that has all of them in the same room at the same time for what could be years. we all have bad habits of skipping town. but i guess thats what will keep us together.
though evrything i do is slowly building to some kind of implosion/explosion self-destruction, im glad im over that lazy, sack-of-shit, stay-in-bed-all-day phase. as stressed out as i am now, i can only function under impossible situations. if they made a doll of me, its head would explode.
and now i remember victoria's honesty, and what i lived for there. and how madly and destructively i lived my life, running all over town in a desperate attempt to be everywhere at once and know and love everyone that had something new for me to comceptualize and admire, and how i would stay up all night smoking under stars and tell people that sleep was for pussies and laugh and take tap classes we'd have bonfires and barebques and t-ball and haunted house meetings and screams and late night drives and mad dashes around the ocean and sunday fundays which i'd always book the time off work for. of course i hated leaving. it was a fucking high spirit playground.
but still, i miss victoria's stubbed out buildings barely standing at attention, its small-world sunny downtown days and of course all the super friends. i wanted so badly to go see them, it seems this would have been one of the last events that has all of them in the same room at the same time for what could be years. we all have bad habits of skipping town. but i guess thats what will keep us together.
though evrything i do is slowly building to some kind of implosion/explosion self-destruction, im glad im over that lazy, sack-of-shit, stay-in-bed-all-day phase. as stressed out as i am now, i can only function under impossible situations. if they made a doll of me, its head would explode.
and now i remember victoria's honesty, and what i lived for there. and how madly and destructively i lived my life, running all over town in a desperate attempt to be everywhere at once and know and love everyone that had something new for me to comceptualize and admire, and how i would stay up all night smoking under stars and tell people that sleep was for pussies and laugh and take tap classes we'd have bonfires and barebques and t-ball and haunted house meetings and screams and late night drives and mad dashes around the ocean and sunday fundays which i'd always book the time off work for. of course i hated leaving. it was a fucking high spirit playground.