I Dreamed A Dream
I dreamed a dream the other night - or in the morning. It concerned someone I'd now consider a friendly acquaintance, but with whom I'd had a dysfunctional friendship in which I felt emotionally abused, and terribly guilty for feeling that way.
In my dream, T and I had sold everything and were living in a yurt-like frame in a wilderness, with a few small hangings for privacy when we wanted it. Otherwise, it was easy to see everything in the structure. All we had were our clothes, and my "dowry", which consisted of slim chains from which shiny coins hung. It could be worn as necklaces, and it was the only material wealth we possessed. We lived as part of a small, thriving community, and the "wilderness" provided all we needed.
In the dream, I was alone in the structure, bathing my face, when this acquaintance arrived pushing a shopping trolley filled with what looked like rubbish and oddments. I began to welcome her, and she cut me short. She wanted money, or something of value she could sell. She began talking rapidly about how much she and her family really needed the help, and she'd pay us back every penny.
I went to a small box and pulled out my chains of coins. There were 5 of them, and I offered her 3. She peered past me into the structure.
Her: "Don't you have anything else?"
Me: "This is what we can give you. Please take it."
Her: "What is it?"
Me: "My dowry!"
Her: "Do you know a bunch of these coins are just pennies?"
Me: "I know, but you're welcome to have them. Please, do take them. They might help."
Her: "Forget it."
She turned away and pushed her trolley out of sight. I knew that she'd dismissed me because my material usefulness to her had disappeared, and this did not fill me with anger but I experienced a real sadness for her. Our life in that frame- like structure was rich; those chains of coins were of great value; and she had just turned down a sincere offer of friendship. The sadness did not overwhelm me at all. I noticed it, felt it deeply, and then released it.
As I woke, it felt significant, in the way that dreams do.
I wonder whether there was some part of myself I was letting go, or if it was a goodbye to the complex of negative emotions that had been part of that relationship?