the love i sow you in the evening by the morning won't exist
today seemed really really long. i got up around 11 and read.. and then got ready for teaching vacation bible school with my church. im so awkward and clumsy around children. but it was alright.. i sort of didnt say much and just helped them out with their crafts.. there were a lot of kids. i ate two hot dogs. >_< only cause i was really hungry and they didnt have anything and it'll never happen again!! mr. brennan (ha) the youth pastor invited me to come to youth group on thursday nights. i wanted to, cause i thought it'd be cool to meet new people, but... im not your run of the mill christian. for many reasons. i always feel sort of inadequate, because theres things that christians are supposed to believe yet i believe the opposite. and dont get me wrong, i love God and have deep faith but i couldnt not force myself to believe something that i feel isnt right. i just couldnt. maybe i shouldnt go. they might be critical of me, or they might try to change me. they cant. i feel what i feel and think what i think and it can never change. i couldnt imagine closing my mind to things that i have already accepted or done. tomorrow is another day of vbs. i suppose that the better i get to know these people the more it will become apparent whether or not they have open minds and are accepting of differences. i'd like to give them a chance and maybe they won't see my opinions as negative and try to get me back on what they may feel as the right path. i hate being told i cant be me. if i am not ashamed of my thoughts and actions then nobody else can make me feel so.