its the perfect time of year.. somewhere far away from here
mom and i have been at eachother's throats this week. i'm at the end of my patience with her immaturity, disorganization, unreasonability, and being just plain dumb. i can't go to erin's graduation party tomorrow with liz because mom thinks i'll slut it up (shes been thinking that for some time now). i don't wanna go out with justin liz and maura tonight. i'd much rather go to sleep.. i told mom since she won't let me go to erin's party, that i'm not going to cousin vicki's. i like vicki, i like all the cousins, but i'm being realistic. these people aren't my family. they could've been, but bob pretty much eliminated that possibility. sure, he's in talks with a counseling facility for substance abuse, but i bet my life he doesn't kick the habit. that means he's outta here, in a perfect world. but we live in this one, so that means instead that mom is going to procrastinate on what needs to be done even more. because of mom's procrastination, justin is moving out. what the hell do i do now? i can't live here by myself. i cannot stand it.. i have no where to go and nobody to talk to and i can't even leave.. what am i gonna do... i don't wanna do this by myself. i can't... it has been brought to my attention that i am being used. that i am making sacrifices to only be taken advantage of. the thought of that makes me feel very sad. i do not believe it, but the idea itself is upsetting. i feel like im kind of blind right now, that i dont know what people are thinking or what they need or what they want or what i can do to right wrongs or make things better.. im just kind of stumbling around and hoping to god that everything just doesnt completely fall apart. what do you do when a mere conversation with someone is upsetting, maybe because of their past mistakes? what do you do when you're the person who made the mistakes? the two people that ever could make it better.. one is leaving and the other i've chased away..