(no subject)
“My car’s loud,” I said, laughed with disappointment in myself for a reason that struggled out of and turned away from my hold, opened the door and sat alone.
I paused for a moment, staring indifferently into the unfamiliar neighborhood until a breath of clarity renewed my vitality as helium in a balloon or a star. Then as if I'd just realized I had four arms and two souls containing equal amounts excitement and desperation, I turned on every light in an instant and tore up the insides. I was looking for something with which to bring her back, something that may have fallen out of her purse: her wallet, a bank card-I would’ve settled for a candy wrapper or a receipt, no no no never-not for a refund, but for credit from those last two minutes. A mulligan, a recurrence, a recording, anything, as long as it was something I could remember and remember as being positive.
“Hey, you may wanna come back out to my car. You left your…-
”Why would you ask if you were in the way.” My precognition made me laugh. “The only thing in the way is everything between us. These forks, glasses, this table, maybe these people’s eyes but not for long…-
”They chuckled at us because they saw happy people.”-
“They chuckled at us because they saw happy people.”
”They chuckled at us because they saw happy people.”-
“They chuckled at us because they saw happy people!”
I found nothing. Having decided that I squandered enough of it, the same force (of which we dare not name) that instilled the clarity extracted it, siphoning courage frigidly out of my mouth through a foggy sigh, motivation out from my nose with an innocuous and brief exhalation, and only the ephemeral hope out of the pores of my feet where no one would ever see. With the ease of extra appendages and excess, unerring heart, I did all that reaching and pushing required to cut the lights and start the engine.
The porch lights cut too and I hit the gas. I felt partly confused, partly shaken, a little pushed, flushed, and therefore
absolutely elated,
and for every reason enamored.
I paused for a moment, staring indifferently into the unfamiliar neighborhood until a breath of clarity renewed my vitality as helium in a balloon or a star. Then as if I'd just realized I had four arms and two souls containing equal amounts excitement and desperation, I turned on every light in an instant and tore up the insides. I was looking for something with which to bring her back, something that may have fallen out of her purse: her wallet, a bank card-I would’ve settled for a candy wrapper or a receipt, no no no never-not for a refund, but for credit from those last two minutes. A mulligan, a recurrence, a recording, anything, as long as it was something I could remember and remember as being positive.
“Hey, you may wanna come back out to my car. You left your…-
”Why would you ask if you were in the way.” My precognition made me laugh. “The only thing in the way is everything between us. These forks, glasses, this table, maybe these people’s eyes but not for long…-
”They chuckled at us because they saw happy people.”-
“They chuckled at us because they saw happy people.”
”They chuckled at us because they saw happy people.”-
“They chuckled at us because they saw happy people!”
I found nothing. Having decided that I squandered enough of it, the same force (of which we dare not name) that instilled the clarity extracted it, siphoning courage frigidly out of my mouth through a foggy sigh, motivation out from my nose with an innocuous and brief exhalation, and only the ephemeral hope out of the pores of my feet where no one would ever see. With the ease of extra appendages and excess, unerring heart, I did all that reaching and pushing required to cut the lights and start the engine.
The porch lights cut too and I hit the gas. I felt partly confused, partly shaken, a little pushed, flushed, and therefore
absolutely elated,
and for every reason enamored.