realization from what ive just read......
its a whole nother year, crazy to think i wont be able to see most of the people i know now by the end of it. again, like so many times before i will be gone by the end of 365 days
the new years party at mikeys got me thinking about how ive grown to love and hate so many people ive met here in this state. about why these people affect me so much and how happy my freinds make me. its weird that in the 2 years ive lived here ive been to 3 schools and lived in two different counties.it does suck though. i feel me having to move so much has made me have way to many regrets.
and of those regrets two cross my mind everyday. ive lost two very close freinds since ive lived here. they were both for seperate reasons, but i feel i should have handled them better than i did. it just leaves me thinking about how if i could go back and change the past, would it be worth it?
in a way, i would be the happiest little camper ever, i would have those people i lost and we could frolic through the flowers while singing songs
but if its so easy for them to let me go, how important am i?
i guess im just going to go on hoping for the best, and try a lot harder than i have, to forget about the past. i i found out im going to pass my senior year with three more credits than i need. its fun bein the nerd at school that everyone turns too when they need help with their work. teachers dont do much. i got my act scores back, but since a 20 isnt good enough, im going to be taking it again in febuary. im so bad at math, and theres no one around who knows about triganometry, its going to be really hard to try and learn all that shit in one month, but im going to have to if i dont want to end up paying out the ass for tuition. too bad im not going to get any art scholerships, i should have been in some competitions and won some cash prizes.
its 2 in the morning and i have school today, thats just going to be so fun. i have to do an entire portfolio by some time soon. thats going to suck. its going to be weird graduating. everyone else has known everyone for so long, theres going to be a lot of vows to write eachother and stay in touch. those connections people have when theyve been going to school for four years with eachother sound so wonderful. i sometimes wish i could have that. i think the longest ive known people with out moving away would have to be 4 or 5 years, but that was when i was little.ive missed out on a lot, and thats probably why im not so good with people. i just dont know how fragile someone is until they break, then i feel like shit for not putting them in plastic wrap and marking them fragil when i should have. i have learned a lot, and i still have a long way to go, but until im in the future ill just have to try to pull my head out of the past and worry about fixing things in the now. im going to try to go to bed now, and im also going to try and think of something to finish stephens vampire hunter story, ive also decided to keep writing in my journal, since that was my plan in the first place. goodbye all.
the new years party at mikeys got me thinking about how ive grown to love and hate so many people ive met here in this state. about why these people affect me so much and how happy my freinds make me. its weird that in the 2 years ive lived here ive been to 3 schools and lived in two different counties.it does suck though. i feel me having to move so much has made me have way to many regrets.
and of those regrets two cross my mind everyday. ive lost two very close freinds since ive lived here. they were both for seperate reasons, but i feel i should have handled them better than i did. it just leaves me thinking about how if i could go back and change the past, would it be worth it?
in a way, i would be the happiest little camper ever, i would have those people i lost and we could frolic through the flowers while singing songs
but if its so easy for them to let me go, how important am i?
i guess im just going to go on hoping for the best, and try a lot harder than i have, to forget about the past. i i found out im going to pass my senior year with three more credits than i need. its fun bein the nerd at school that everyone turns too when they need help with their work. teachers dont do much. i got my act scores back, but since a 20 isnt good enough, im going to be taking it again in febuary. im so bad at math, and theres no one around who knows about triganometry, its going to be really hard to try and learn all that shit in one month, but im going to have to if i dont want to end up paying out the ass for tuition. too bad im not going to get any art scholerships, i should have been in some competitions and won some cash prizes.
its 2 in the morning and i have school today, thats just going to be so fun. i have to do an entire portfolio by some time soon. thats going to suck. its going to be weird graduating. everyone else has known everyone for so long, theres going to be a lot of vows to write eachother and stay in touch. those connections people have when theyve been going to school for four years with eachother sound so wonderful. i sometimes wish i could have that. i think the longest ive known people with out moving away would have to be 4 or 5 years, but that was when i was little.ive missed out on a lot, and thats probably why im not so good with people. i just dont know how fragile someone is until they break, then i feel like shit for not putting them in plastic wrap and marking them fragil when i should have. i have learned a lot, and i still have a long way to go, but until im in the future ill just have to try to pull my head out of the past and worry about fixing things in the now. im going to try to go to bed now, and im also going to try and think of something to finish stephens vampire hunter story, ive also decided to keep writing in my journal, since that was my plan in the first place. goodbye all.