(no subject)
i have tried. i have tried so hard. but i cannot anymore. not like this. maybe it would be different if i had any certainty in any other part of my life, or maybe if it was a year from now, or there was anything to look forward to, of if you were here, or i was there. in fact i know it would be different if the latter was the case. but it's not. i have no certainty, it's now, and i have no strength except to get through the days. and i cannot live like this. i just cannot.
i'm sick of pushing myself like this, feeling so incapable and inadequate. fuck, i wouldnt have done it for anyone else, but i need to let myself heal again. i can't do it without you, and ure not here. and u can't give me what i need and i cant give u what u need. at least not right now.
i love you so much. so much. i'm amazed at how much my love for you has sustained me to this point.
i really want you to be happy. and it kills me that im not going to be the one who makes you happy. i need to let u go. i need to just stop thinking i can do something that i so clearly cannot.
so please, please, can we just talk tonight? just MSG me. and let me know. i cannot hold on any longer. : (
i'm sick of pushing myself like this, feeling so incapable and inadequate. fuck, i wouldnt have done it for anyone else, but i need to let myself heal again. i can't do it without you, and ure not here. and u can't give me what i need and i cant give u what u need. at least not right now.
i love you so much. so much. i'm amazed at how much my love for you has sustained me to this point.
i really want you to be happy. and it kills me that im not going to be the one who makes you happy. i need to let u go. i need to just stop thinking i can do something that i so clearly cannot.
so please, please, can we just talk tonight? just MSG me. and let me know. i cannot hold on any longer. : (