Heart Shaped Clock - Chapter 7
Title: Heart Shaped Clock.
Author: shou_ni
Pairing: ToraxShou, some NaoxHiroto
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Angst, Fluff, Smut-ish
Disclaimer: I dont own anyone, just the story.
Summary: When a beautiful guy enters Tora's life, he's smitten. Unfortunately Shou has a secret and he doesn't want to share it
The next morning, Tora drove Shou and his things back home, Leaving him with a small parting kiss. A couple of weeks went by, no contact between them. Tora spent his days at work, milling around completing his tasks and then retreating home to lay around and play video games. Shou took the time to review his current situation, following his doctors advice to write a journal about his illness and his daily life. His friend Aki and Hiroto often came over to keep him company. He wasn't in a good place, but with each passing day he came to the realization that being alone was far far worse than being with Tora, In fact with each passing day he came to realize that Tora was actually a huge part of his life and that without him, he felt very lost.
It was almost a month from the parting when Shou pulled on a jacket and left his house. Waiting outside of his partners workplace, A bored looking Tora eventually dragged himself out of the door. Spotting him, Tora ran over, embracing him and showering him with kisses.
They retreated back to Tora's apartment and fell asleep in each others arms.
The day's following, Tora would pick Shou up from his apartment and take him out on a lovely date, showing him just how much he cared while adding a little more romance to their relationship. It was as they were walking home from a night of bowling and ice cream under the stars while Tora played a song for him on the guitar, that Shou cuddled up to him cutely and looked into his eyes.
"Tora" He said quietly "I really missed being with you, I'm sorry it took so long to realize"
"Don't dwell on it baby, the important thing is that we're back together now." Tora smiled, kissing him on the head.
"Can I stay at yours tonight?" Shou asked, gaining a smile from the other.
"You don't need to ask"
Bodies fell onto the mattress, lips locked and hands fleeting over skin. Tora knew that nothing more would happen that night, but he had missed the feel on Shou's silky skin against his, the way his lips fit perfectly with his own. There was something different in the way Shou kissed him that night though, more feeling, more hunger behind those lips. He pulled back looking at the other's beautifully flushed face.
"Shou, is everything okay?" He asked. Shou looked down, biting his lip.
"Tora I... I," Shaking his head a little he looked straight into his eyes "I want you to make love to me"
Well, Tora certainly wasn't expecting that, his mind couldn't come up with any other response other than crashing his lips against Shou's. His hands sweeping under his shirt, caressing the soft skin beneath. Slowly the shirt was removed, along with his own. In the soft lamplight, he cast his gaze over the body beneath him. For the first time, seeing the dark scar that ran down the center of his chest. Serving as a dismal reminder of just how fragile the man beneath him really was. He left a trail of kisses down it as if to tell Shou that he'd love him no matter what.
Caressing his skin lovingly drew out small delicate noises from Shou. His tongue rolled lazily over the brunette's pert nipple, taking it in his mouth and sucking earning an encouraging moan. His hand roamed over to the other, giving it the attention it needed, feeling Shou start to melt beneath him.
He sat back on his heels, undoing his belt and disposing of his pants. Shou looked up at him with a small smile, lifting his hips up as Tora slowly removed the rest of his clothing, leaving the two bare to each other. Lips locked once more, hands roamed desperately over skin, touching all of the right places. Tora reached into the nightstand and retrieved a condom and a bottle of lube.
"If I do anything you don't like, or are uncomfortable with, just tell me and I'll stop okay?"
Shou nodded, Kissing him softly. Even though he was nervous as hell, he knew that he was in Tora's capable hands, which gave him a great deal of relief.
The tiger's lips brushed against the inside of his thigh, biting down of a sensitive patch of skin which caused a shocked gasp from Shou.
The brunette watched as Tora poured a generous amount of lube onto his fingers before looking at him with a reassuring smile.
"I have to stretch you, being your first time I don't wanna hurt you any more that it already will"
Well, all relief he felt was now out of the window.
"It will probably feel weird at first" Tora said, inserting a finger into Shou's tight ring of muscles. Shou shifted uncomfortably, in all honesty, he wasn't enjoying the feeling. Another finger was added, making him wonder why so many people found this enjoyable. After a few moments the third finger was inserted and by this point he was squirming. Face screwed up in pain.
"hey now, don't get worked up" Tora soothed, kissing his stomach "take a few deep breaths"
Doing as instructed, he began to feel the pain subside a little, just leaving the awkward, my boyfriend has his fingers up my ass feeling.
He felt Tora scissor his fingers a little, bending them every now and then.
"What are you doing?" He Asked worriedly.
"Just looking for something"
A little more finger fidgeting and suddenly Shou gasped, arching off the bed with a moan.
"There it is" The elder grinned, taking his fingers out and lubricating his member, rolling the condom on.
Shou started to wonder if it was too late to back out. The tip of Tora's cock nudged his entrance. All he needed to do was to think of a good excuse to leave. A hiss of pain as it was slowly pushed into him. Maybe he could say that he had plans with Hiroto that he had forgotten about, It wasn't too late. Tora was soon fully seethed inside of him, It was defiantly too late to back out.
His face contorted in pain, body twisting in an attempt to adjust.
"Don't worry, it'll get better soon baby" Tora spoke lovingly, closing the gap between their lips and distracting him with kisses. It seemed to work as he relaxed a little.
After a few moments, Tora tested the water by rocking his hips a bit, watching Shou's face for any signs of pain, fortunately he received no negative reaction, taking the chance to create a steady rhythm.
Shou was trying to suppress his moans, but with every thrust, every caress, every kiss, lick nibble his restraint slacked. Strings of pleasurable gasps and whimpers poured from his kiss swollen lips.
Tora couldn't help but gaze at the male below him, writing in bliss. His eyes half lidded and cheeks flushed. He'd never looked so beautiful and sexy. His ears were pleased by the sweet sounds the other made. He took Shou's hand, lacing their fingers.
A slight angling of the hip and he nudged that sweet spot that has Shou practically screaming and seeing stars, clawing with short nails at his back.
"Oh god!! do.. do that again" He cried, twisting his hips to match Tora's thrusts. The raven male quickened his pace, pulling almost completely out and slamming back in, Shou was so tight that the friction was electric. The younger was convulsing ever so erotically as Tora pounded into him, hitting his prostate dead on each time, His voice growing louder and louder, Freeing his hand from his lovers to wrap his arms around him, just needing to be closer to him.
Tora could tell that Shou was getting closer to release, so he wrapped his hand around his neglected member, pumping in time with his thrusts, causing his lover to writhe beneath him, tears of sexual pleasure pricking his eyes. Tora's name rolling from his lips so effortlessly.
He let out a loud strangled cry as he came. Spilling his seed over their stomachs.
Tora could feel himself getting closer, grabbing the younger's hips and thrusting for all he was worth, continuing Shou's immense orgasm, causing his muscles to clamp around Tora's cock, pulling him over the edge too.
With a husky moan, he collapsed on top of Shou, panting heavily. Reluctantly he pulled out of Shou's sweet tight heat, Rolling beside him to wrap his arms around the thin frame of his lover.
Making love to Shou was completely different to with any one he had ever been with. It was Timid and shy, even awkward in places, but it was the kind of sex a romantic school girl often dreams about having for her first time. Utterly sweet and loving, the best sex he had ever had.
He looked at Shou, his heavy lidded eyes looking towards the ceiling as he caught his breath.
"Shou, are you alright?"
A bright smiled filled his lovers face, "I'm more than alright" he laughed. Snuggling closer to him.
"How was it for you?"
"Honestly? I wish I hadn't put it off for so long, it was the most amazing feeling ever"
Tora grinned, all humor aside, his heart felt elated with the warm body against his own. Watching out of the corner of his eye as the younger's eyes fluttered shut and his breath slowing as he drifted to sleep.
Tora had risen with the sound of his alarm going off, luckily Shou had slept through it. He took his time showering, making sure he felt refreshed and clean. It was when he was drinking his morning coffee that Shou emerged into the kitchen, wearing a pair of boxers and a over sized sweater, His beautifully slim legs on show.
"Hey" He mumbled sleepily with a smile.
Tora looked over at him, placing his coffee down on the counter. "You look radiant this morning" he kissed Shou on the cheek, sweeping a hand under his sweater and caressing his back. Shou simply smiled in return and nuzzled up to him.
"Are you sure you have to go to work today Tora-shi?" He whined.
"Unfortunately yes, but I'll try to get home earlier tonight"
Shou sighed and picked up Tora's coffee, taking a sip. "Okay, well I'll go back to mine so you can meet me there or something."
Two weeks passed, It was a nice time for Tora and Shou. They spent time relaxing together in the evening curling up in front of the TV, sometimes going out for a drink and dance or a bite to eat. Tora would take him out whenever he had a day off. The nights were rarely spent alone, they usually just fell asleep together, but occasionally they made love, not diving straight into have sex every night. Choosing to take things slowly, getting to know each others bodies and learning how to please each other.
Tora would go to work and Shou would go back to his own apartment. He spent his days reading, sleeping, taking strolls in the city, generally trying to find ways to waste the day before he could see Tora. He also spent time carefully writing in his journal. The doctor had told him that journaling was a good way to deal with the emotional side of his illness, Shou had also decided that he would, when his time came to an end, give the journal to the hospital in the hopes that it would be passed on to another patient with a similar situation. He wrote about everything, The good days and the bad days. Little things like going to the store to buy chocolate and the big things like Making love with Tora. He had been conflicted with writing about his sex life, but he figured the reader would never know who he was, so it didn't matter, it was something important in his life, so he wrote about it, tastefully of course.
Shou was out at the grocery store, picking up some wine for the meal that Tora was cooking.
Tora had taken the liberty to give his lovers apartment a little spring clean while he was waiting for the vegetables to steam. He was putting magazines back into the draw when he noticed something fall from under the pile. Picking it up, he saw that it was a neat looking leather bound notepad, without even thinking he flicked through it.
Today was difficult, I'm trying to deal with this, but on my own it feels like to much of a burden.
As much as I want to Tell Tora, I can't, I don't know how long I can keep lying to him.
Tora frowned, what on earth was he talking about, he had slowly clocked on that this was a diary of some sort, he knew he shouldn't be reading it but now he had a horrible feeling that something was wrong. So he continued to read on.
I know its wrong to do this to him, I'm such a selfish bastard at times. But how do you tell the one you love something like this.
He was worried by this point, "Is he cheating on me?" He asked himself thumbing through the pages in search of an answer, starting to feel a bit sick.
Aki found my journal, and read it. He cried for a while but promised he wouldn't tell anyone. I guess I have to tell everybody, especially Tora. I think in a way, the idea of going without everyone knowing and fussing over me is quite appealing. Then again, I really don't want to be selfish for my remaining years. Now I just have to think of the right time to tell them.
you can do it Shou.
"I'm home" A voice chimed a few feet behind him, "I got the" He stopped and his smile dropped "wine..."
Tora turned to face him, an unreadable expression on his face, the journal still in hand.
"What are you doing, why do you have my journal?" Shou frowned, trying to snatch it away from him, but Tora lifted it out of his reach.
"Give it to me Tora"
"Not until you tell me what's going on" The elder said bluntly.
Shou shot a glare at him "You have no right to go through my personal items, so just give it back"
"Not until you tell me what's going on" He repeated.
The brunette quickly grabbed the book and went to make a break for it, but Tora grabbed hold of him, pinning him to the wall. Wine bottles crashed the the floor, spilling dark red liquid over the floorboards.
"Let go of me!" Shou's voice wavered, struggling against his lover, To no prevail.
"I'll say it one more time" He said darkly, staring straight into his eyes. "Tell me what's going on"
"Tora you're scaring me"
"SHOU!" He boomed, making the younger flinch harshly.
"I cant" He cried as tears pricked at his eyes "I cant"
"Why not?" the grip around his wrists tightened.
"Because I don't want to ruin everything" Shou yelled, suddenly feeling frustrated at being pinned down and interrogated. Tora's furrowed brows, his fierce expression softening. A sigh resided from his lips, he didn't want to fight with him, he just wanted a straight answer and for Shou to stop hiding what ever it was from him. The more seconds that ticked by, the worse the feeling in his stomach got.
"Shou.." He paused "Please, I'm begging you, talk to me. Clearly something is wrong if it made Aki cry" They both new that the spunky, pierced male would never cry over something trivial.
Shou let out a long breath, averting his eyes as Tora let go of him, letting him take a few steps away.
"Sit down baby" He said taking a seat on the couch. Tora gingerly joined him, eyes not leaving him for a second. Shou swallowed the lump in his throat and let out a final sigh.
"I don't know how to really word this so I'll just say it" He paused, running a hand through his silky hair "When I was in the hospital the doctor had a talk with me, breaking some news" He looked at Tora, a look in his eyes that hinted at sorrow. Making the feeling inside of Tora turn and churn. "He told me that my heart condition is getting worse to the point that it's now terminal"
Terminal...... Tora couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"But you've got a good twenty or thirty in you right? I'm sure they will find a way to cure you in that time"
Shou took his hand.
"Tora, I don't have twenty years left" He swallowed "I only have two"
It was as if the room had started spinning, Tora felt sick, the air rushed from his lungs and he couldn't get it back.
"What?" He clung desperately to Shou's hand "Please tell me this isn't true" Tears welled up in his eyes, Shou looked away.
"It's true Tora" he hushed "I wish there was an easier way I could tell you"
Tora looked at him distraught "How can you be so calm about this, how can you just say it like it's nothing?" he cried, tears he was trying to suppress suddenly spilling down his cheeks. "I don't want to lose you Shou, I love you"
The brunette pulled him into his arms, holding him close as the elder sobbed, clutching his shirt tightly. Shou's heart broke, he'd never seen the tiger cry. It hurt him more than anything else, which was the reason he put off telling him for so long.
"I love you too Tora" He whispered "I love you so much" a single tear rolled down his cheek.
Considering that Tora was a wreck, Shou finished cooking and took the food into where Tora was in the living room. Having to beg him to eat, but Tora simply refused, not feeling hungry anymore. A disheartened Shou returned back to the kitchen and wrapped the food up, putting it in the fridge. He ate his own meal alone. Lonely.
They didn't really speak the next day, well Tora didn't speak at all, but Shou kept talking, just trying to break the torturing silence, he knew that Tora was upset and deep in thought, but it was already hard enough for Shou without feeling like he'd lost his lover to some wordless statue that stayed on the couch all day. In the end, he couldn't take it anymore and left the apartment, going see Hiroto.
It appeared that on his way over Tora had phoned Nao, and Nao had informed Hiroto of his best friends news. Resulting in him receiving a hard slap and a distressed Hiroto crying and shouting at him. He was alot harder to clam down than Tora, but when he eventually did he was very understanding and even a little optimistic. Telling him that they'd just have to make his remaining time extra special and fun. Shou was just so grateful, not just the sentiment but for not becoming a complete stranger like Tora.
Nao had even driven him home to save him having to catch another tube.
When he entered his apartment again, he found Tora hunched over a mug of coffee in the kitchen. He straightened up when he Saw Shou, making his way towards him and hugging him.
"I'm sorry Shou" was all that needed to be said, they kissed lovingly, holding each other close. Shou ran him a bath while Tora finished his coffee.
"Come and join me" He said, gently pulling Shou into the bathroom. Stripping the other wasn't done passionately like it would if they were feeling sexually frustrated, It was done with so much affection and adoration. Tora got in the bath, helping the smaller to join him, settling between his legs. He leaned back against his lovers strong chest, heart fluttering as Tora's arms snaked around his waist, chin resting on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry darling, I shouldn't have been upset at you, I guess it was just too much to take in" Tora spoke sadly.
"Its okay, it was just a shock for you"
"But I shoud've been more understanding, more supportive" He said, fingers trailing up to the scar on Shou's chest. "You're the most precious part of my life, I just want to protect you"
They sat in silence for a good few minutes, simply relaxing in the heat of the water.
"Tora, about my journal" Shou started "it's not private or anything, I write in it every day. I write to record my feelings and my experiences and how this illness is affecting me, in the hopes that someone in my situation will read it and find some sort of comfort."
Tora nodded, tracing patterns along his chest.
"When I die, I want you to give it to the hospital" He said "Please don't read it until I'm gone"
Another silence washed over them, a sad feeling creeping into the room. Shou didn't want to make it gloomy but he felt that it needed to be said, maybe if he brought the subject to attention, it would become easily accepted.
Tora planted small butterfly kisses over Shou's shoulder, fingers laced together.
"From now on" He said softly "I'm going to make sure you're happy, we need to make the most of the time you do have and focus on that instead of.... when you're gone".
Tears welled up in Shou's eyes, not because he was sad, but because he was so grateful that Tora would take care of him like that.
They made love that night, the most loving and sensual sex they'd had yet. Kisses full of heart, body parts entertwinded. Each thrust promising trust and that he'd always be there.
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Author's Notes. Sorry for not updating in a while, I was on holiday in Whales so I didn't have my pc with me.
ANYWAY.. The truth is finally out! I did find it so difficult to write this chapter, because I really wasn't sure how to have Shou break the news. I just hope I did an okay job T^T
Also, some long awaited smut ;D
The next update, because the story is really kicking in now, is going to be an interlude, which will be a 2 part thing about the history of Hiroto and Shou. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.
All comments welcome :D
Author: shou_ni
Pairing: ToraxShou, some NaoxHiroto
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Angst, Fluff, Smut-ish
Disclaimer: I dont own anyone, just the story.
Summary: When a beautiful guy enters Tora's life, he's smitten. Unfortunately Shou has a secret and he doesn't want to share it
The next morning, Tora drove Shou and his things back home, Leaving him with a small parting kiss. A couple of weeks went by, no contact between them. Tora spent his days at work, milling around completing his tasks and then retreating home to lay around and play video games. Shou took the time to review his current situation, following his doctors advice to write a journal about his illness and his daily life. His friend Aki and Hiroto often came over to keep him company. He wasn't in a good place, but with each passing day he came to the realization that being alone was far far worse than being with Tora, In fact with each passing day he came to realize that Tora was actually a huge part of his life and that without him, he felt very lost.
It was almost a month from the parting when Shou pulled on a jacket and left his house. Waiting outside of his partners workplace, A bored looking Tora eventually dragged himself out of the door. Spotting him, Tora ran over, embracing him and showering him with kisses.
They retreated back to Tora's apartment and fell asleep in each others arms.
The day's following, Tora would pick Shou up from his apartment and take him out on a lovely date, showing him just how much he cared while adding a little more romance to their relationship. It was as they were walking home from a night of bowling and ice cream under the stars while Tora played a song for him on the guitar, that Shou cuddled up to him cutely and looked into his eyes.
"Tora" He said quietly "I really missed being with you, I'm sorry it took so long to realize"
"Don't dwell on it baby, the important thing is that we're back together now." Tora smiled, kissing him on the head.
"Can I stay at yours tonight?" Shou asked, gaining a smile from the other.
"You don't need to ask"
Bodies fell onto the mattress, lips locked and hands fleeting over skin. Tora knew that nothing more would happen that night, but he had missed the feel on Shou's silky skin against his, the way his lips fit perfectly with his own. There was something different in the way Shou kissed him that night though, more feeling, more hunger behind those lips. He pulled back looking at the other's beautifully flushed face.
"Shou, is everything okay?" He asked. Shou looked down, biting his lip.
"Tora I... I," Shaking his head a little he looked straight into his eyes "I want you to make love to me"
Well, Tora certainly wasn't expecting that, his mind couldn't come up with any other response other than crashing his lips against Shou's. His hands sweeping under his shirt, caressing the soft skin beneath. Slowly the shirt was removed, along with his own. In the soft lamplight, he cast his gaze over the body beneath him. For the first time, seeing the dark scar that ran down the center of his chest. Serving as a dismal reminder of just how fragile the man beneath him really was. He left a trail of kisses down it as if to tell Shou that he'd love him no matter what.
Caressing his skin lovingly drew out small delicate noises from Shou. His tongue rolled lazily over the brunette's pert nipple, taking it in his mouth and sucking earning an encouraging moan. His hand roamed over to the other, giving it the attention it needed, feeling Shou start to melt beneath him.
He sat back on his heels, undoing his belt and disposing of his pants. Shou looked up at him with a small smile, lifting his hips up as Tora slowly removed the rest of his clothing, leaving the two bare to each other. Lips locked once more, hands roamed desperately over skin, touching all of the right places. Tora reached into the nightstand and retrieved a condom and a bottle of lube.
"If I do anything you don't like, or are uncomfortable with, just tell me and I'll stop okay?"
Shou nodded, Kissing him softly. Even though he was nervous as hell, he knew that he was in Tora's capable hands, which gave him a great deal of relief.
The tiger's lips brushed against the inside of his thigh, biting down of a sensitive patch of skin which caused a shocked gasp from Shou.
The brunette watched as Tora poured a generous amount of lube onto his fingers before looking at him with a reassuring smile.
"I have to stretch you, being your first time I don't wanna hurt you any more that it already will"
Well, all relief he felt was now out of the window.
"It will probably feel weird at first" Tora said, inserting a finger into Shou's tight ring of muscles. Shou shifted uncomfortably, in all honesty, he wasn't enjoying the feeling. Another finger was added, making him wonder why so many people found this enjoyable. After a few moments the third finger was inserted and by this point he was squirming. Face screwed up in pain.
"hey now, don't get worked up" Tora soothed, kissing his stomach "take a few deep breaths"
Doing as instructed, he began to feel the pain subside a little, just leaving the awkward, my boyfriend has his fingers up my ass feeling.
He felt Tora scissor his fingers a little, bending them every now and then.
"What are you doing?" He Asked worriedly.
"Just looking for something"
A little more finger fidgeting and suddenly Shou gasped, arching off the bed with a moan.
"There it is" The elder grinned, taking his fingers out and lubricating his member, rolling the condom on.
Shou started to wonder if it was too late to back out. The tip of Tora's cock nudged his entrance. All he needed to do was to think of a good excuse to leave. A hiss of pain as it was slowly pushed into him. Maybe he could say that he had plans with Hiroto that he had forgotten about, It wasn't too late. Tora was soon fully seethed inside of him, It was defiantly too late to back out.
His face contorted in pain, body twisting in an attempt to adjust.
"Don't worry, it'll get better soon baby" Tora spoke lovingly, closing the gap between their lips and distracting him with kisses. It seemed to work as he relaxed a little.
After a few moments, Tora tested the water by rocking his hips a bit, watching Shou's face for any signs of pain, fortunately he received no negative reaction, taking the chance to create a steady rhythm.
Shou was trying to suppress his moans, but with every thrust, every caress, every kiss, lick nibble his restraint slacked. Strings of pleasurable gasps and whimpers poured from his kiss swollen lips.
Tora couldn't help but gaze at the male below him, writing in bliss. His eyes half lidded and cheeks flushed. He'd never looked so beautiful and sexy. His ears were pleased by the sweet sounds the other made. He took Shou's hand, lacing their fingers.
A slight angling of the hip and he nudged that sweet spot that has Shou practically screaming and seeing stars, clawing with short nails at his back.
"Oh god!! do.. do that again" He cried, twisting his hips to match Tora's thrusts. The raven male quickened his pace, pulling almost completely out and slamming back in, Shou was so tight that the friction was electric. The younger was convulsing ever so erotically as Tora pounded into him, hitting his prostate dead on each time, His voice growing louder and louder, Freeing his hand from his lovers to wrap his arms around him, just needing to be closer to him.
Tora could tell that Shou was getting closer to release, so he wrapped his hand around his neglected member, pumping in time with his thrusts, causing his lover to writhe beneath him, tears of sexual pleasure pricking his eyes. Tora's name rolling from his lips so effortlessly.
He let out a loud strangled cry as he came. Spilling his seed over their stomachs.
Tora could feel himself getting closer, grabbing the younger's hips and thrusting for all he was worth, continuing Shou's immense orgasm, causing his muscles to clamp around Tora's cock, pulling him over the edge too.
With a husky moan, he collapsed on top of Shou, panting heavily. Reluctantly he pulled out of Shou's sweet tight heat, Rolling beside him to wrap his arms around the thin frame of his lover.
Making love to Shou was completely different to with any one he had ever been with. It was Timid and shy, even awkward in places, but it was the kind of sex a romantic school girl often dreams about having for her first time. Utterly sweet and loving, the best sex he had ever had.
He looked at Shou, his heavy lidded eyes looking towards the ceiling as he caught his breath.
"Shou, are you alright?"
A bright smiled filled his lovers face, "I'm more than alright" he laughed. Snuggling closer to him.
"How was it for you?"
"Honestly? I wish I hadn't put it off for so long, it was the most amazing feeling ever"
Tora grinned, all humor aside, his heart felt elated with the warm body against his own. Watching out of the corner of his eye as the younger's eyes fluttered shut and his breath slowing as he drifted to sleep.
Tora had risen with the sound of his alarm going off, luckily Shou had slept through it. He took his time showering, making sure he felt refreshed and clean. It was when he was drinking his morning coffee that Shou emerged into the kitchen, wearing a pair of boxers and a over sized sweater, His beautifully slim legs on show.
"Hey" He mumbled sleepily with a smile.
Tora looked over at him, placing his coffee down on the counter. "You look radiant this morning" he kissed Shou on the cheek, sweeping a hand under his sweater and caressing his back. Shou simply smiled in return and nuzzled up to him.
"Are you sure you have to go to work today Tora-shi?" He whined.
"Unfortunately yes, but I'll try to get home earlier tonight"
Shou sighed and picked up Tora's coffee, taking a sip. "Okay, well I'll go back to mine so you can meet me there or something."
Two weeks passed, It was a nice time for Tora and Shou. They spent time relaxing together in the evening curling up in front of the TV, sometimes going out for a drink and dance or a bite to eat. Tora would take him out whenever he had a day off. The nights were rarely spent alone, they usually just fell asleep together, but occasionally they made love, not diving straight into have sex every night. Choosing to take things slowly, getting to know each others bodies and learning how to please each other.
Tora would go to work and Shou would go back to his own apartment. He spent his days reading, sleeping, taking strolls in the city, generally trying to find ways to waste the day before he could see Tora. He also spent time carefully writing in his journal. The doctor had told him that journaling was a good way to deal with the emotional side of his illness, Shou had also decided that he would, when his time came to an end, give the journal to the hospital in the hopes that it would be passed on to another patient with a similar situation. He wrote about everything, The good days and the bad days. Little things like going to the store to buy chocolate and the big things like Making love with Tora. He had been conflicted with writing about his sex life, but he figured the reader would never know who he was, so it didn't matter, it was something important in his life, so he wrote about it, tastefully of course.
Shou was out at the grocery store, picking up some wine for the meal that Tora was cooking.
Tora had taken the liberty to give his lovers apartment a little spring clean while he was waiting for the vegetables to steam. He was putting magazines back into the draw when he noticed something fall from under the pile. Picking it up, he saw that it was a neat looking leather bound notepad, without even thinking he flicked through it.
Today was difficult, I'm trying to deal with this, but on my own it feels like to much of a burden.
As much as I want to Tell Tora, I can't, I don't know how long I can keep lying to him.
Tora frowned, what on earth was he talking about, he had slowly clocked on that this was a diary of some sort, he knew he shouldn't be reading it but now he had a horrible feeling that something was wrong. So he continued to read on.
I know its wrong to do this to him, I'm such a selfish bastard at times. But how do you tell the one you love something like this.
He was worried by this point, "Is he cheating on me?" He asked himself thumbing through the pages in search of an answer, starting to feel a bit sick.
Aki found my journal, and read it. He cried for a while but promised he wouldn't tell anyone. I guess I have to tell everybody, especially Tora. I think in a way, the idea of going without everyone knowing and fussing over me is quite appealing. Then again, I really don't want to be selfish for my remaining years. Now I just have to think of the right time to tell them.
you can do it Shou.
"I'm home" A voice chimed a few feet behind him, "I got the" He stopped and his smile dropped "wine..."
Tora turned to face him, an unreadable expression on his face, the journal still in hand.
"What are you doing, why do you have my journal?" Shou frowned, trying to snatch it away from him, but Tora lifted it out of his reach.
"Give it to me Tora"
"Not until you tell me what's going on" The elder said bluntly.
Shou shot a glare at him "You have no right to go through my personal items, so just give it back"
"Not until you tell me what's going on" He repeated.
The brunette quickly grabbed the book and went to make a break for it, but Tora grabbed hold of him, pinning him to the wall. Wine bottles crashed the the floor, spilling dark red liquid over the floorboards.
"Let go of me!" Shou's voice wavered, struggling against his lover, To no prevail.
"I'll say it one more time" He said darkly, staring straight into his eyes. "Tell me what's going on"
"Tora you're scaring me"
"SHOU!" He boomed, making the younger flinch harshly.
"I cant" He cried as tears pricked at his eyes "I cant"
"Why not?" the grip around his wrists tightened.
"Because I don't want to ruin everything" Shou yelled, suddenly feeling frustrated at being pinned down and interrogated. Tora's furrowed brows, his fierce expression softening. A sigh resided from his lips, he didn't want to fight with him, he just wanted a straight answer and for Shou to stop hiding what ever it was from him. The more seconds that ticked by, the worse the feeling in his stomach got.
"Shou.." He paused "Please, I'm begging you, talk to me. Clearly something is wrong if it made Aki cry" They both new that the spunky, pierced male would never cry over something trivial.
Shou let out a long breath, averting his eyes as Tora let go of him, letting him take a few steps away.
"Sit down baby" He said taking a seat on the couch. Tora gingerly joined him, eyes not leaving him for a second. Shou swallowed the lump in his throat and let out a final sigh.
"I don't know how to really word this so I'll just say it" He paused, running a hand through his silky hair "When I was in the hospital the doctor had a talk with me, breaking some news" He looked at Tora, a look in his eyes that hinted at sorrow. Making the feeling inside of Tora turn and churn. "He told me that my heart condition is getting worse to the point that it's now terminal"
Terminal...... Tora couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"But you've got a good twenty or thirty in you right? I'm sure they will find a way to cure you in that time"
Shou took his hand.
"Tora, I don't have twenty years left" He swallowed "I only have two"
It was as if the room had started spinning, Tora felt sick, the air rushed from his lungs and he couldn't get it back.
"What?" He clung desperately to Shou's hand "Please tell me this isn't true" Tears welled up in his eyes, Shou looked away.
"It's true Tora" he hushed "I wish there was an easier way I could tell you"
Tora looked at him distraught "How can you be so calm about this, how can you just say it like it's nothing?" he cried, tears he was trying to suppress suddenly spilling down his cheeks. "I don't want to lose you Shou, I love you"
The brunette pulled him into his arms, holding him close as the elder sobbed, clutching his shirt tightly. Shou's heart broke, he'd never seen the tiger cry. It hurt him more than anything else, which was the reason he put off telling him for so long.
"I love you too Tora" He whispered "I love you so much" a single tear rolled down his cheek.
Considering that Tora was a wreck, Shou finished cooking and took the food into where Tora was in the living room. Having to beg him to eat, but Tora simply refused, not feeling hungry anymore. A disheartened Shou returned back to the kitchen and wrapped the food up, putting it in the fridge. He ate his own meal alone. Lonely.
They didn't really speak the next day, well Tora didn't speak at all, but Shou kept talking, just trying to break the torturing silence, he knew that Tora was upset and deep in thought, but it was already hard enough for Shou without feeling like he'd lost his lover to some wordless statue that stayed on the couch all day. In the end, he couldn't take it anymore and left the apartment, going see Hiroto.
It appeared that on his way over Tora had phoned Nao, and Nao had informed Hiroto of his best friends news. Resulting in him receiving a hard slap and a distressed Hiroto crying and shouting at him. He was alot harder to clam down than Tora, but when he eventually did he was very understanding and even a little optimistic. Telling him that they'd just have to make his remaining time extra special and fun. Shou was just so grateful, not just the sentiment but for not becoming a complete stranger like Tora.
Nao had even driven him home to save him having to catch another tube.
When he entered his apartment again, he found Tora hunched over a mug of coffee in the kitchen. He straightened up when he Saw Shou, making his way towards him and hugging him.
"I'm sorry Shou" was all that needed to be said, they kissed lovingly, holding each other close. Shou ran him a bath while Tora finished his coffee.
"Come and join me" He said, gently pulling Shou into the bathroom. Stripping the other wasn't done passionately like it would if they were feeling sexually frustrated, It was done with so much affection and adoration. Tora got in the bath, helping the smaller to join him, settling between his legs. He leaned back against his lovers strong chest, heart fluttering as Tora's arms snaked around his waist, chin resting on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry darling, I shouldn't have been upset at you, I guess it was just too much to take in" Tora spoke sadly.
"Its okay, it was just a shock for you"
"But I shoud've been more understanding, more supportive" He said, fingers trailing up to the scar on Shou's chest. "You're the most precious part of my life, I just want to protect you"
They sat in silence for a good few minutes, simply relaxing in the heat of the water.
"Tora, about my journal" Shou started "it's not private or anything, I write in it every day. I write to record my feelings and my experiences and how this illness is affecting me, in the hopes that someone in my situation will read it and find some sort of comfort."
Tora nodded, tracing patterns along his chest.
"When I die, I want you to give it to the hospital" He said "Please don't read it until I'm gone"
Another silence washed over them, a sad feeling creeping into the room. Shou didn't want to make it gloomy but he felt that it needed to be said, maybe if he brought the subject to attention, it would become easily accepted.
Tora planted small butterfly kisses over Shou's shoulder, fingers laced together.
"From now on" He said softly "I'm going to make sure you're happy, we need to make the most of the time you do have and focus on that instead of.... when you're gone".
Tears welled up in Shou's eyes, not because he was sad, but because he was so grateful that Tora would take care of him like that.
They made love that night, the most loving and sensual sex they'd had yet. Kisses full of heart, body parts entertwinded. Each thrust promising trust and that he'd always be there.
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Author's Notes. Sorry for not updating in a while, I was on holiday in Whales so I didn't have my pc with me.
ANYWAY.. The truth is finally out! I did find it so difficult to write this chapter, because I really wasn't sure how to have Shou break the news. I just hope I did an okay job T^T
Also, some long awaited smut ;D
The next update, because the story is really kicking in now, is going to be an interlude, which will be a 2 part thing about the history of Hiroto and Shou. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.
All comments welcome :D