(no subject)
i think this is the last real place in the world that i can vent. write some close approximation to my true feelings. and lately increasingly i feel distressed because, in uncertain terms, life feels muted. and lonely. and boring and monotonous and scary and debilitating and hard and long and scary and so many words that i cant pluck any one out of my mind let alone the right ones. when i go back to school, yes, that will be fun. but even there with a million distractions i dont feel inspired. i feel alone like i have felt for most of my life and i dont see an end in sight. i think ive always been afraid of letting people in because i was scared of what theyd think of who i REALLY am. and now the fact that i cant even find anybody that even wants to.......... scares me.