split screen sadness
ok before i start i just at talking so a lot of this is gonna come out wrong so if you read this and think wow fuck you fuck you i probably wrote something worng causr im not writing anything in this thing to get anyone upset or anything ok? sounds good to me to. alright so i fucked up. im sorry. i know you're looking for an explaination but as bad as i suck at words i suck even worse with emotions feeling and motives im sorry i would try giving an explaination too but i cant too many things come out at once and it comes out as a big pile of nothingness. Wow i can aready tell that i am losing my trait of thought but im going to keep going. so this week amy came back and was all like lets get back together and i was all like im not sure and i think she took it the wrong way because all she wanted to do was win me over when it wasnt like that. i never stopped liking her even after she dumped me i havent stopped liking this girl which is pretty pathetic but whatever if you come to cvs everyday and notice that this one person always seems to be there you would agree that he is pretty pathetic. so anyways when amy came back i didnt have to figure out if i still liked her i had to figure out if i wanted a relationship amy never had to do anything to make me like her i just wasnt sure on what i wanted or moreso if i was ready you know? so i didnt know what i wanted to do i wasnt sure i wanted a relationship and when i tried telling amy this im not sure but i think i either said it wrong or got confused or something because all i remember is amy asking me what she had to do to make me like her so i screwed up somewhere in there. but yeah we talked about other things but i found out that she wanted me to kiss her and i wnated to kiss her so i kissed her but i didnt just kiss her i got caught up in the moment and kept on kissing her i screwed up because that night i stayed up trying to fugure out what i wanted to do about that and i came to the conclusion that i dont want to be with anyone. i couldnt take any of my kisses back i i had to tell amy because the longer i put it off the more i would have ended up hurting her and it kills me to do that. so now amy hates me and so does lyss who i dont even know so i dont know why that matters so yeah amy wants to cut me out of her life she came by yonight to give me my shirts back and wow they smell like her i can feel my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach she gave me my johm mayer cd back which i didnt think i was she gave me a letter that i am terrid=fied to even think of reading so i just put it with the other letters that she has given to me i dont know i dont think im ready to read what it might say because the last 24 hours shes been like fuck you and im like no and she like fuck you i hate you and im like no and shes like fuck you you suck and im like i know im sorry now im wicked tired i feel like ive been up for a very long time and there isnt any rest in sight im going to go keep to myself now cause i think ive rambled on long enough to confuse anyone so i ttyl ps whens my birthday?