Rage
I think I might be starting to fit into college life, at least maybe a little. Yesterday which was Thursday for those few who read my journal you are probably reading this on Saturday not Friday. I had a really good time last night, I want this memory and feeling to last in my mind for as long as I live, cause last night was the kind that breaks modes, thoughts and other profound things. it's was like graduation, where you know that this moment is the platform to which you must dive off of and plunge into the unknown, so that's what I did.
it started off with the normal LGBA or I guess now QSA meeting, it was the first meeting of the semester so the crowd was much larger then it normally is but still the meeting was relatively simple. We went to diner after the meeting I had two Enchiladas which took forever to come but it all ended well and I received a ride to my next destination. first I want to explain something that may seam insignificant but I write these things for me and not necessarily for other people. The entire night I was running off of twenty dollars which was all the money I had in the bank except for about 88 cents.
Rage.
The ride to Rage was silent and i think quick since we where traveling form Fullerton to Hollywood, I think Ignacio was driving about 90 miles per hour for the entire time. we got valet parking and started walking to Rage. Even before you see the club you could feel it, the pounding moving beats of the gay night life rumbling down the entire street. There was a line for the club and as I stood in the line I thought about how I would act inside. I was going into a gay night club the type of club that I always imagined to be full of sinful young gay boys and girls just waiting to be taken to hell for there lack of strength to stand up against the seductive darkness of their sinful dance. I guess in my hart I’m probably the most conservative homosexual man alive, I look down upon the people inside without ever making the attempt to know them. So there I was standing in that line with the boom of the dance beat shaking my hart and making me long of the Experience inside.
when I entered the club I was greeted by a (at the time I thought) gay guy trying to be something he’ s not, dressed in glitter makeup, reviling clothes and the kind of spiked hair that only comes with intensive treatment. he gave me a lollypop. I went to the club with three other guys who I pretty much stuck by of the entire time. as we went to drop off our coats I chanced a glance at the dance floor. it was packed with people who you could only really see when the strobe flashed, it was exactly like I imagined. the people seamed to ride with the music, their faces and their bodies never stopped moving, it was like watching a movie, perfectly shot with no silly couple ballroom dancing in the background, at that time I felt like a weakened observer of the dammed like Dante traveling through hell only this circle did not detest me, it attracted me.
it was a shot while before I was on the dance floor ever one else went and I am not one to pass up an opportunity like that so I followed. we started dancing the four of us and since I’d never danced before I was sort of on the outside trying my best to dance and not just stand there looking like an idiot. at first it felt just like homecoming and prom (with better music) I was pushed to the outside while every one else just ignored me like was the thing they brought along with them but didn't really like to recognize. but as the night progressed I got to observe more people and how they dance and I basically copied them, I think managed to not make a fool out of myself for the rest of the night (I hope), one of the guys I went with and me started dancing together and before I knew what was happening I was freak dancing with him in the middle of the dance floor, which was cool.
I’m not going to pretend that the night was completely good and I’ll explain. Ed who I asked out and he said yes but never called me back also came. This alone would not have been a bad thing but one of the guys I came with gave Ed a drink and asked he to dance. as they left for the dance floor I’m almost certain that Ed gave me a look as if trying to say "aren’t you going to do something?" but as I was purposefully being cold to him because he didn't call me back I just gave him a hollow look, this I regret. Ed and, I think his name was Josh danced very close until the club closed. But it wasn't enough for them to be dancing together they also did it in that same picture perfect could have been done in a movie kind of way. I hate to admit it but I felt jealous even though I had to right to be jealous I didn't do anything about it cause it wasn't my place but I still took a glance at them every now and then, every glance creating a new question.
The night ended at 2am, my group was almost completely put together apart form Josh who was off somewhere with Ed who was also part of another group that where waiting on him so they can leave. We finally found them behind some building making out. To my surprise I was extremely rude to booth Ed and josh but mostly josh. I think it was a mixture of my feeling about Smoking, drinking, and Ed this made me a very volatile person and I had josh apologizing to me for no real reason after a short while.
the drive back was taken at about 100mph and i fell asleep right away. i woke up the next morning went to all of my classes got my crappie paycheck requested time off and had a cello lesson, so i had a relatively full night and day.
it started off with the normal LGBA or I guess now QSA meeting, it was the first meeting of the semester so the crowd was much larger then it normally is but still the meeting was relatively simple. We went to diner after the meeting I had two Enchiladas which took forever to come but it all ended well and I received a ride to my next destination. first I want to explain something that may seam insignificant but I write these things for me and not necessarily for other people. The entire night I was running off of twenty dollars which was all the money I had in the bank except for about 88 cents.
Rage.
The ride to Rage was silent and i think quick since we where traveling form Fullerton to Hollywood, I think Ignacio was driving about 90 miles per hour for the entire time. we got valet parking and started walking to Rage. Even before you see the club you could feel it, the pounding moving beats of the gay night life rumbling down the entire street. There was a line for the club and as I stood in the line I thought about how I would act inside. I was going into a gay night club the type of club that I always imagined to be full of sinful young gay boys and girls just waiting to be taken to hell for there lack of strength to stand up against the seductive darkness of their sinful dance. I guess in my hart I’m probably the most conservative homosexual man alive, I look down upon the people inside without ever making the attempt to know them. So there I was standing in that line with the boom of the dance beat shaking my hart and making me long of the Experience inside.
when I entered the club I was greeted by a (at the time I thought) gay guy trying to be something he’ s not, dressed in glitter makeup, reviling clothes and the kind of spiked hair that only comes with intensive treatment. he gave me a lollypop. I went to the club with three other guys who I pretty much stuck by of the entire time. as we went to drop off our coats I chanced a glance at the dance floor. it was packed with people who you could only really see when the strobe flashed, it was exactly like I imagined. the people seamed to ride with the music, their faces and their bodies never stopped moving, it was like watching a movie, perfectly shot with no silly couple ballroom dancing in the background, at that time I felt like a weakened observer of the dammed like Dante traveling through hell only this circle did not detest me, it attracted me.
it was a shot while before I was on the dance floor ever one else went and I am not one to pass up an opportunity like that so I followed. we started dancing the four of us and since I’d never danced before I was sort of on the outside trying my best to dance and not just stand there looking like an idiot. at first it felt just like homecoming and prom (with better music) I was pushed to the outside while every one else just ignored me like was the thing they brought along with them but didn't really like to recognize. but as the night progressed I got to observe more people and how they dance and I basically copied them, I think managed to not make a fool out of myself for the rest of the night (I hope), one of the guys I went with and me started dancing together and before I knew what was happening I was freak dancing with him in the middle of the dance floor, which was cool.
I’m not going to pretend that the night was completely good and I’ll explain. Ed who I asked out and he said yes but never called me back also came. This alone would not have been a bad thing but one of the guys I came with gave Ed a drink and asked he to dance. as they left for the dance floor I’m almost certain that Ed gave me a look as if trying to say "aren’t you going to do something?" but as I was purposefully being cold to him because he didn't call me back I just gave him a hollow look, this I regret. Ed and, I think his name was Josh danced very close until the club closed. But it wasn't enough for them to be dancing together they also did it in that same picture perfect could have been done in a movie kind of way. I hate to admit it but I felt jealous even though I had to right to be jealous I didn't do anything about it cause it wasn't my place but I still took a glance at them every now and then, every glance creating a new question.
The night ended at 2am, my group was almost completely put together apart form Josh who was off somewhere with Ed who was also part of another group that where waiting on him so they can leave. We finally found them behind some building making out. To my surprise I was extremely rude to booth Ed and josh but mostly josh. I think it was a mixture of my feeling about Smoking, drinking, and Ed this made me a very volatile person and I had josh apologizing to me for no real reason after a short while.
the drive back was taken at about 100mph and i fell asleep right away. i woke up the next morning went to all of my classes got my crappie paycheck requested time off and had a cello lesson, so i had a relatively full night and day.