Me and Myself
I was kind of inspired by someone truly special. My little monster now that I've recently been calling her. Lol. She ranted on and on about what kind of person she is and her life. I can only smile. I used to be like that. I really did. More so when my girlfriend left me. I was a bitch. I don't like to admit it. But I was. I was determined to seduce everyone then break their hearts in the end. I would flirt with them, smile sweetly like I was such an angel. Then in the last minute, I'd rip their hearts out because I wanted to see them in that pain. I wanted to see them cry and scream in agony like I once felt. I wanted to make them suffer. Maybe that's why I fall in love with monster. Because I'm one too. I befriend someone and I'm willing to stab them before they can do it to me. I'm an animal. Always hungry but not for blood. For pain. For anything. At some point... I was addicted to the pain. I was addicted to hurting myself because I wanted to feel like I deserved it. I would cry in self pity. Feel sorry for myself. Feel like I'm meant to be alone. I knew everything that was wrong with me was my own fault. My damn fault. But I wanted the world to feel as though they had caused it all. Like they were to blame. I was a monster. Angry. Hurt. Afraid. Yet I would only should the anger and pride in me. I was a silent assassin... I was set to kill everyone around me. Now... Nothing is fixed. Nothing. But in a way I'm happy. I realize what's wrong with me. I love my demon with all my heart. I love my angel with the same intensity. I protect my friends instead of setting them up. I'm okay. Once in a while, I remember. And I feel the sad. I feel angry again. But I'm okay. It's hard trying to grow up and live your life. People tend to forget. A person can go through something and be a monster. A bitch. Yet later a person finds a way to cope with it all. I know my little monster will learn to deal with it. And I know she's gonna be happy one day. But for now... she's a little monster. And I couldn't love her more if I tried. I'm a monster. A lover of monster. Love you, Shelby.