(no subject)
I'm sitting here at my desk in my dorm and just thinking about everything in my life right now. Sometimes, when I least expect it, I get so overwhelmed. Overall, Im happy. Life is good and Im working really hard and getting good results, but i cant help but feel so lonely sometimes, and lately i've been thinking alot about my Sophmore year and how amazing the relationship I had then was. I almost feel like I am stuck in a rut. Everytime I get close to someone I pull away or I make up some excuse why it would never work. It's crazy. Sometimes, I dont understand myself or why I act the way I do. I want to love again so so badly. Im so scared. I dont know if love is worth the risk of being hurt. I was killed the last time I gave my heart completely. I really do not want that to happen again. I know I am doing this to myself and I know that if I am alone for the rest of my life it'll be my own fault, but I cant help but yern for love. Today, I was sitting in my math class and I didnt learn anything. The whole time i was daydreaming, I was reminicing with the past, I was hoping for the future. What to do is the next question... Im lost... I feel like im in a dark tunnel and cant find my way out. I wish I could just go back in time and change everything. I just want to give myself a chance to feel that again.. Arg.