My journal entry from this morning
He left today. Josh, I mean. After six months of greatness, he left. After I return from israel we will re-evaluate everything. But, for now, he is gone. Up and left. In a matter of minutes he walked out of my life. Whether or not he will be back is questionable. I'd like to think so, but a lot can happen in three months.
Before he left he told me he loves me no matter where I am. I told him to have faith and be strong. The truth is though, that im not sure how much faith I have myself. My faith in relationships isn't so big, considering my prior history.
I miss him. I miss him the first 10 minutes he arrived here. Only because I knew he would leave in a week and everything would be over. I never though that so much hurt would be the effect of this. Don't get me wrong, I know it was going to hurt. I just didn't think it was going to hurt this much. I have major heartache.
I miss everything. His hugs, his soft kisses, the way he rubs my back (even if it is too hard sometimes).
I am a mess right now and it is only 5:46 in the morning. I've cried so much in the last 12 hours. I kept telling my self that I wasn't going to cry. That didn't happen. I wish he was here now. I wish he was here to hold me in his arms and kiss my cheek and tell me that everything is going to be alright. To tell me that if it is meant to be then we will be together again.
Be strong, Kelsi. That what I keep telling myself. I know I can be. It'll just be hard.
Before he left he told me he loves me no matter where I am. I told him to have faith and be strong. The truth is though, that im not sure how much faith I have myself. My faith in relationships isn't so big, considering my prior history.
I miss him. I miss him the first 10 minutes he arrived here. Only because I knew he would leave in a week and everything would be over. I never though that so much hurt would be the effect of this. Don't get me wrong, I know it was going to hurt. I just didn't think it was going to hurt this much. I have major heartache.
I miss everything. His hugs, his soft kisses, the way he rubs my back (even if it is too hard sometimes).
I am a mess right now and it is only 5:46 in the morning. I've cried so much in the last 12 hours. I kept telling my self that I wasn't going to cry. That didn't happen. I wish he was here now. I wish he was here to hold me in his arms and kiss my cheek and tell me that everything is going to be alright. To tell me that if it is meant to be then we will be together again.
Be strong, Kelsi. That what I keep telling myself. I know I can be. It'll just be hard.