The Life Of An Alcoholic Loser
LOOK THIS ENTRY ISNT LONG ITS JUST THE BOXES ARE SKINNY, LMAO!!!!!!
Sup sup sup, whats the dealie? Well lately Ive just been chillin, drinkin, wastin money, drinkin, smokin, drinkin, bein crazy, drinkin, survivin, and of course drinkin. Seriously though, Ive been drinkin like a motherfucker. Why? What else is there to do, LOL! I just get drunk and forget about it. Well I left my house for a while, I just couldnt take all the shit in that house, mainly the people, LOL! I just miss living on my own like a motherfucker, LOL! I think with me finishing my job, and not having anything to do I started the stressin and before I went completely wacked I just bounced. Its just that you know when youve been through alot of things and you have to in a way re-live it by being in that same atmosphere? Well thats just how it is for me. I had a very bad childhood, one that I dont ever talk about because I dont believe that I should use my childhood as an excuse for the way I am now ya know. I know people whove dont that and it really pisses me off. I guess being in the house and around my family makes me think about what I went through in a way and it makes me realize why I left home at such and early age, LOL! Anywho, I went on the LD just yesterday and saw that the VMA's are coming on the teli and it made me think about my life exactly one year ago. Let me see, I was living downtown in the city with my roomate, I was going to school, I had an amazing job at an organization, all my friends were here who I considered my family. For the most part I felt like I had it all, for the simple fact that I felt like I was apart of something. My friends that I had were everything to me. I think its just about the only thing I care about in this life. I like had a family. Its weird because my real family is so huge and Ive never ever felt like I belonged in it. Everyone is so different to me, in the way I view life and the goals I have and just in the way I conduct myslelf. I guess my main goal in life was to find a family, to find people in my life like me. Ever since I could remember I was like a loner, a loser I mean yea, LOL! Junior high, loner loser. High School was the worst for me. I swear I dont know how I did it, LOL! I just did not fit in. No matter what I tried, no matter how much money I spent on namebrand clothing, LMAO! I just felt like everyone was so superficial, so many things happened to me in high school, I was such a bum. I hated myself and who I was and everyone hated me, now I dont give a fuck, LOL but back then it was the only thing on my mind. Not only that but, I might as well say it, I started suffering from like a little heart condition. I never told anyone at that moment in my life. I knew it was the same thing my biologicial father had so yea, LOL! I was like motherfuckin bitch, why the fuck do I have to go through all these things, LOL! My family was in a wreck, my parents fought day in and day out, they split up countless times, til this day the only I dont know the reason why they ever got married, I had no friends, I had a tramatic childhood, and now this, LOL! Like at that moment in my life I didnt understand what living was for. Like I didnt know that this life was for having fun, or for being in love, or for just being happy, LOL! Everything I went thorugh was a struggle, everything around me was poison. Well for the most part everything changed in my life at 17 I guess. Thats when I moved out, right after my brother. I mean I still have the fuckin heart problem, LOL but like I was away from my family, away from the mememories, away from high school and I started to have frineds and shit. I guess that was the best part becuase I found that people were so much more real(and fake, LOL) in the real world. I became my own person, I got stronger and lost the shy shit and like I found who I was, all with the help of having a supportive family like my friends at the moment. I think without them I wouldntve made it. I dont know the point of this journal entry but I guess what Im trying to say is, I feel the way I did before my life started changing for the better. I mean Im still the stronger person but I feel hollow ya know. Its like right now at this moment I love who I am as a person and I love my dreams and stuff but its like Im walking on a road to nowhere. Like I just dont see me in my future, I dont see no sun after the strom, I just cant see it, me, or anything, anywhere. Like I dont see what other people, I cant explain it. Its like someone with a perfect movie script, the most innovate and extrodinary movie script known to man but no one wont buy the mother fucking thing, LOL! He has everything right there in that script but he's going no where with it. I dont know evern if that makes any sense, LOL! Whatever, anywho yea thats all for today, Ive rambled enough, Im off. Oh you like my pic? Dont lie to me, grrrrrrrrrrrr...Thanx....PEACE
Sup sup sup, whats the dealie? Well lately Ive just been chillin, drinkin, wastin money, drinkin, smokin, drinkin, bein crazy, drinkin, survivin, and of course drinkin. Seriously though, Ive been drinkin like a motherfucker. Why? What else is there to do, LOL! I just get drunk and forget about it. Well I left my house for a while, I just couldnt take all the shit in that house, mainly the people, LOL! I just miss living on my own like a motherfucker, LOL! I think with me finishing my job, and not having anything to do I started the stressin and before I went completely wacked I just bounced. Its just that you know when youve been through alot of things and you have to in a way re-live it by being in that same atmosphere? Well thats just how it is for me. I had a very bad childhood, one that I dont ever talk about because I dont believe that I should use my childhood as an excuse for the way I am now ya know. I know people whove dont that and it really pisses me off. I guess being in the house and around my family makes me think about what I went through in a way and it makes me realize why I left home at such and early age, LOL! Anywho, I went on the LD just yesterday and saw that the VMA's are coming on the teli and it made me think about my life exactly one year ago. Let me see, I was living downtown in the city with my roomate, I was going to school, I had an amazing job at an organization, all my friends were here who I considered my family. For the most part I felt like I had it all, for the simple fact that I felt like I was apart of something. My friends that I had were everything to me. I think its just about the only thing I care about in this life. I like had a family. Its weird because my real family is so huge and Ive never ever felt like I belonged in it. Everyone is so different to me, in the way I view life and the goals I have and just in the way I conduct myslelf. I guess my main goal in life was to find a family, to find people in my life like me. Ever since I could remember I was like a loner, a loser I mean yea, LOL! Junior high, loner loser. High School was the worst for me. I swear I dont know how I did it, LOL! I just did not fit in. No matter what I tried, no matter how much money I spent on namebrand clothing, LMAO! I just felt like everyone was so superficial, so many things happened to me in high school, I was such a bum. I hated myself and who I was and everyone hated me, now I dont give a fuck, LOL but back then it was the only thing on my mind. Not only that but, I might as well say it, I started suffering from like a little heart condition. I never told anyone at that moment in my life. I knew it was the same thing my biologicial father had so yea, LOL! I was like motherfuckin bitch, why the fuck do I have to go through all these things, LOL! My family was in a wreck, my parents fought day in and day out, they split up countless times, til this day the only I dont know the reason why they ever got married, I had no friends, I had a tramatic childhood, and now this, LOL! Like at that moment in my life I didnt understand what living was for. Like I didnt know that this life was for having fun, or for being in love, or for just being happy, LOL! Everything I went thorugh was a struggle, everything around me was poison. Well for the most part everything changed in my life at 17 I guess. Thats when I moved out, right after my brother. I mean I still have the fuckin heart problem, LOL but like I was away from my family, away from the mememories, away from high school and I started to have frineds and shit. I guess that was the best part becuase I found that people were so much more real(and fake, LOL) in the real world. I became my own person, I got stronger and lost the shy shit and like I found who I was, all with the help of having a supportive family like my friends at the moment. I think without them I wouldntve made it. I dont know the point of this journal entry but I guess what Im trying to say is, I feel the way I did before my life started changing for the better. I mean Im still the stronger person but I feel hollow ya know. Its like right now at this moment I love who I am as a person and I love my dreams and stuff but its like Im walking on a road to nowhere. Like I just dont see me in my future, I dont see no sun after the strom, I just cant see it, me, or anything, anywhere. Like I dont see what other people, I cant explain it. Its like someone with a perfect movie script, the most innovate and extrodinary movie script known to man but no one wont buy the mother fucking thing, LOL! He has everything right there in that script but he's going no where with it. I dont know evern if that makes any sense, LOL! Whatever, anywho yea thats all for today, Ive rambled enough, Im off. Oh you like my pic? Dont lie to me, grrrrrrrrrrrr...Thanx....PEACE