fic: this is a bad thing (aka the one with the NUNS) (merlin, m/a, pg)
To: Sam (egotists), Milo(vermontypython)
From: shortsweetsoul
Subject: THIS FIC IS ON YOU.
I’m not even making a proper header yet. I have a feeling that this will turn into this entire series. O_O
The only thing I knew about nuns prior to Wikipedia-ing "nuns" was what I knew from Sister Act.
This is a bad thing.
- - -
“REPENT!” The shriek was accompanied with a sharp thwack to his forehead.
“OW!” Merlin yelped, pressing a hand to his injury. “Jesus, what was th-”
Morgana slapped him on the back of his head as she swept past him, carrying in the hot air from outside in her voluminous black robes.
He sighed and moved to close the door to his apartment.
“Don’t,” she called from his kitchen. “A couple of other Sisters are coming up too.”
He groaned, rubbed his face viciously and padded into the kitchen. He was barefoot and clad only in his pajama pants, because it was 11 o’clock at night and goddammit, what is she doing here?
He then froze, because she couldn’t hear him swearing in his head, could she?
The woman bustled about the kitchen, opening the fridge and cupboards. She shook her head sadly, habit rustling menacingly.
“I should have expected this,” she said, facing him with a hand on her hip. “All you have in this place is white bread, marmalade, and wine. It’s sick, Merlin.”
She pushed her way past him and sat on the worn red couch, sharp blue eyes scanning the room for other outright signs of depravity and mental instability. They settled on the TV screen, DVD paused on a dripping wet Jessica Biel ascending from a sunny pool. A sigh escaped from her lips, causing Merlin to blush because oh my god, seriously?
“Um, hello?” a voice tentatively called from the hallway. “Hi, can I just come in?”
Merlin opened his mouth but Morgana cut him off with a smooth “Yes, just come in, the air conditioning is lovely.” She shot a loaded smile to Merlin, a smile that said Shut up now, God’s on my side and He can smite your ass six ways from Sunday.
Gwen’s face lit up she saw Merlin and she hurried into his arms, holding him in a warm embrace. “Oh, Merlin, I missed you!” she sighed happily.
He laughed and shut the door behind her. “I missed you too, Gwen. How is everyone?”
“Don’t bother with everyone else, Merlin, you have to take care of yourself first,” Morgana reproached from her spot on the couch. “Also, you should call her ‘Sister,’ now.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “It’s alright, Morgana. It’s okay among friends, isn’t it? It should be.” She went straight into the kitchen, as Morgana had. Merlin sat down.
“So, Father Gaius tells us that you’re living in sin now,” Gwen began, returning with tea and biscuits. Merlin had no idea he had any.
“Who’s the lucky girl?” she continued cheerily.
Morgana raised an eyebrow.
Gwen took a nervous sip of tea. “I mean, the girl who would be lucky if she wasn’t making the terrible, terrible decision of having relations with a man before getting married.”
Merlin’s heart began to hammer in his chest and he gnawed at a biscuit. “Where’d you get these, Gwen? I had no idea I had some in my cabinets, if there’s a super secret storage space somewhere, I’d like to know-”
He heard the door open and fought the urge to groan. Oh, God, please no- Merlin ran to slam the door but it was too late.
“I officially want to kill everyone on my floor,” Arthur announced as he discarded his suit jacket, tie, and shoes, dropping them to the hallway floor in a wrinkled smelly mess. “And need to be consoled by lots of sweaty, exhausting sex.”
Merlin whimpered.
END (FOR NOW)
From: shortsweetsoul
Subject: THIS FIC IS ON YOU.
I’m not even making a proper header yet. I have a feeling that this will turn into this entire series. O_O
The only thing I knew about nuns prior to Wikipedia-ing "nuns" was what I knew from Sister Act.
This is a bad thing.
- - -
“REPENT!” The shriek was accompanied with a sharp thwack to his forehead.
“OW!” Merlin yelped, pressing a hand to his injury. “Jesus, what was th-”
Morgana slapped him on the back of his head as she swept past him, carrying in the hot air from outside in her voluminous black robes.
He sighed and moved to close the door to his apartment.
“Don’t,” she called from his kitchen. “A couple of other Sisters are coming up too.”
He groaned, rubbed his face viciously and padded into the kitchen. He was barefoot and clad only in his pajama pants, because it was 11 o’clock at night and goddammit, what is she doing here?
He then froze, because she couldn’t hear him swearing in his head, could she?
The woman bustled about the kitchen, opening the fridge and cupboards. She shook her head sadly, habit rustling menacingly.
“I should have expected this,” she said, facing him with a hand on her hip. “All you have in this place is white bread, marmalade, and wine. It’s sick, Merlin.”
She pushed her way past him and sat on the worn red couch, sharp blue eyes scanning the room for other outright signs of depravity and mental instability. They settled on the TV screen, DVD paused on a dripping wet Jessica Biel ascending from a sunny pool. A sigh escaped from her lips, causing Merlin to blush because oh my god, seriously?
“Um, hello?” a voice tentatively called from the hallway. “Hi, can I just come in?”
Merlin opened his mouth but Morgana cut him off with a smooth “Yes, just come in, the air conditioning is lovely.” She shot a loaded smile to Merlin, a smile that said Shut up now, God’s on my side and He can smite your ass six ways from Sunday.
Gwen’s face lit up she saw Merlin and she hurried into his arms, holding him in a warm embrace. “Oh, Merlin, I missed you!” she sighed happily.
He laughed and shut the door behind her. “I missed you too, Gwen. How is everyone?”
“Don’t bother with everyone else, Merlin, you have to take care of yourself first,” Morgana reproached from her spot on the couch. “Also, you should call her ‘Sister,’ now.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “It’s alright, Morgana. It’s okay among friends, isn’t it? It should be.” She went straight into the kitchen, as Morgana had. Merlin sat down.
“So, Father Gaius tells us that you’re living in sin now,” Gwen began, returning with tea and biscuits. Merlin had no idea he had any.
“Who’s the lucky girl?” she continued cheerily.
Morgana raised an eyebrow.
Gwen took a nervous sip of tea. “I mean, the girl who would be lucky if she wasn’t making the terrible, terrible decision of having relations with a man before getting married.”
Merlin’s heart began to hammer in his chest and he gnawed at a biscuit. “Where’d you get these, Gwen? I had no idea I had some in my cabinets, if there’s a super secret storage space somewhere, I’d like to know-”
He heard the door open and fought the urge to groan. Oh, God, please no- Merlin ran to slam the door but it was too late.
“I officially want to kill everyone on my floor,” Arthur announced as he discarded his suit jacket, tie, and shoes, dropping them to the hallway floor in a wrinkled smelly mess. “And need to be consoled by lots of sweaty, exhausting sex.”
Merlin whimpered.
END (FOR NOW)