i dont know....do i ever know?
WELL i havent updated this shit in so fuckin long so i figured id do one of my o so random rants....so the school year is ending soon...I know its not that soon but i know the rest of the year is gonna go by in like a split secondlast year was the shit....and ya know at the end of last year all i could remember is 10th grade is gonna be the shit its gonna be the best year yet and u know i dont think i could have been more wrong...In reality .i had pretty much everything i could have ever wanted and how retarded is it that i cant figure that out till way after the fact...Its like so hard for people to realize that maybe what they have is fine and makes them happy and i dont need to have anything more especially for me...This year for me has been so i dont even know the word to describe it i cant say like depressing cause like nothing really happened...I dont have any emotions about anything right now..im not like sad or happy...I just know last year i was generally happy and pretty much all the reasons im not right now is my fault...why cant i just shut the fuck up and not be such a retard?...I feel like an idiot for something at least once a day. I try to fix things but in the end it just makes me look like more of an ass...so i just come to the conclusion i shouldnt even bother anymore...I feel as much as i love people i will never get as much love back...im just there...no one hates me no one loves me Im just there and sometimes i think i would rather someone just hate cause at least somone would have some feeling towards me..I wish i could just like move somewhere and start completly over and go somewhere where people just dont think im weird or retarded or gay..i think really if i could go back in time right now i would go back to the end of last year and change some of things i did that hurt people but i know if i did that i wouldnt have learned so much about things i needed to figure out.....
wow that entry was random.
wow that entry was random.