Unfortunatly, I'm a pathetic mortal soul that thrives off attention
so right after that little IM conversation that happened before..I drove to Home Depot to pick up Dustin and a car was in front of me and I had a weird feeling about it because the person in the front looked like steve and I was like uhh that'd be weird..so at montpelier they went to turn right and I was going straight so I sped so I'd go by them before they turned and I look over and I saw this girl giving me the finger and steve(I think) leaning forward to look at my reaction.....I was like.uh did I really see that? and then after the whole flustered conversation, knowing how angry dustin would be with another steve encounter...I basically broke down in tears...
first of all..I could possibly form a friend relationship(a.k.a. friendship lol) with steve and this pressure of me feeling forced to be mean to him...I mean dustin isn't making me but..really he is..dustin's not a bad person...he just has issues...he's not comfortable enough with himself to think I want to be with him...
I know I know I know....I know...it's not right...but in a sense it would be more confusing with a friendship with steve on top of this...but I HATE being mean...dustin is blind to all this..he doesn't see this stuff....it's impossible to make him..it's something he has to do on his own...whenever I try to patch things up with steve he tries to get closer..so finally being a bitch might have done good..I mean I've been giving a SHITLOAD of nice hints
I don't know..I feel nauseas(spelling)...like honestly my stomach is in quarrels over this..I can feel the storm in the pit of my stomach..it sucks..and I've been looking at his myspace like I'm the stalker..DAMNIT...I see him with another girl and I'm like...think I'm gonna puke...I think it's a combination of like doing physical stuff with him and having like erased like that and doing this behind dustin's back and just seeing it...because then like if I talk to steve and stuff..I automatically know that I don't want to be with him he's a really annoying person to me..and there's just something there..something hidden that intriges(spelling) me..WHAT THE HELL IS IT??? the fact that I can't have him?
THE FACT THAT I'M NEVER HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love dustin and you know honestly it's great and I couldn't be without him you know..it's just stupid teenage I don't know...someone throw some advice in there..something to ease my nausea...blah...why have I become the stalker...unhappy with whatever I have..I was certainly unhappy with steve..I mean I wasn't even at the grieving over dustin I was at the frozen part between that..steve was the shock that became prolonged..and then only then when it hit me I had lost dustin was I devistated...scared...alone...even with someone that would do the most amazing things ever for me..someone they don't know...that wasn't good enough..I just wanted dustin and now..with dustin the one who knows the most about me(besides willow)...I'm still unsettled..but way less unsettled then before..this is just a road bump..you know...a glitch in the life of nano...blah..blah..blah..that's what I have to say..the ones who take the time to read about my life..and the messed up contents I make up of..comment and ease my pain...thanks
(sorry just got out of english class..I'm talking all englishy..coming from a future english teacher...you should be scared of your children's future..because it's in my hands..mwahahahahahhaha)
first of all..I could possibly form a friend relationship(a.k.a. friendship lol) with steve and this pressure of me feeling forced to be mean to him...I mean dustin isn't making me but..really he is..dustin's not a bad person...he just has issues...he's not comfortable enough with himself to think I want to be with him...
I know I know I know....I know...it's not right...but in a sense it would be more confusing with a friendship with steve on top of this...but I HATE being mean...dustin is blind to all this..he doesn't see this stuff....it's impossible to make him..it's something he has to do on his own...whenever I try to patch things up with steve he tries to get closer..so finally being a bitch might have done good..I mean I've been giving a SHITLOAD of nice hints
I don't know..I feel nauseas(spelling)...like honestly my stomach is in quarrels over this..I can feel the storm in the pit of my stomach..it sucks..and I've been looking at his myspace like I'm the stalker..DAMNIT...I see him with another girl and I'm like...think I'm gonna puke...I think it's a combination of like doing physical stuff with him and having like erased like that and doing this behind dustin's back and just seeing it...because then like if I talk to steve and stuff..I automatically know that I don't want to be with him he's a really annoying person to me..and there's just something there..something hidden that intriges(spelling) me..WHAT THE HELL IS IT??? the fact that I can't have him?
THE FACT THAT I'M NEVER HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love dustin and you know honestly it's great and I couldn't be without him you know..it's just stupid teenage I don't know...someone throw some advice in there..something to ease my nausea...blah...why have I become the stalker...unhappy with whatever I have..I was certainly unhappy with steve..I mean I wasn't even at the grieving over dustin I was at the frozen part between that..steve was the shock that became prolonged..and then only then when it hit me I had lost dustin was I devistated...scared...alone...even with someone that would do the most amazing things ever for me..someone they don't know...that wasn't good enough..I just wanted dustin and now..with dustin the one who knows the most about me(besides willow)...I'm still unsettled..but way less unsettled then before..this is just a road bump..you know...a glitch in the life of nano...blah..blah..blah..that's what I have to say..the ones who take the time to read about my life..and the messed up contents I make up of..comment and ease my pain...thanks
(sorry just got out of english class..I'm talking all englishy..coming from a future english teacher...you should be scared of your children's future..because it's in my hands..mwahahahahahhaha)