(no subject)
I really enjoy the sound of rain on window panes. It reminds me of falling asleep as a kid with no worries at all. Nowadays all I think about as I fall asleep is all the crap I need to do the next day. Hopefully that will come to an end soon as I only have two weeks left this semester. There is so much to do in these two weeks though. I just finished writing a long, long paper about an incredibly boring topic. I still have to make it into a powerpoint and present it though. But it will probably be my last school presentation ever. Well, maybe but I'm hopeful. Then two weeks full of projects and papers due but then I'll be done this semester. I only have one summer class and it should be easy.
I barely have time to relax these days but two things have helped keep me sane. The first one is Call of Duty 4. I feel like a huge nerd because I play it so much but its so much fun. Everyone should be buying an xbox 360 and playing. The other relaxing thing is music.
I was driving in the car yesterday and I tried listening to some Bright Eyes. And I couldn't. I used to love it and I realized I have made another musical genre jump recently. I've love Radiohead and Wilco and Oasis these days. Good stuff. Oh and how I ever thought Bright Eyes was good I don't know.
Important random thought:
Near the end of high school I had a few friends I was happy with but felt like some turned their backs on me. So i decided I wouldn't care what a single person thought about me. I totally accomplished this. Its been a while since I cared what people thought or did. And no one could hurt me this way because I didn't trust anyone enough to let them be close enough. To accomplish this I pushed away the people that I was already close to. There were people who I would always care about what they thought so I pushed them away generally by being a huge ass or just completely ignoring them. Its not a bad feeling not caring but its a very empty one. Sort of like a Pyhrric victory. I accomplished what I set out to do but now its clear it wasn't the right way to live life. I feel like I have forgotten how to trust people or be close to someone and appreciate it. I don't know if I should be searching out the people like that from my past or trying to meet new people. Actually I know the answer, I should be doing both. But right now I'm still scared to be rejected. Basically where I was at the beginning. I just need to start over and branch out to new people somehow.
A side note to this is I've become very bitter to the people I hang out with regularly. Though it isn't there fault. I'm hoping to fix these things quickly because I need to feel the basic human need of enjoying the company of a fellow human being.
I barely have time to relax these days but two things have helped keep me sane. The first one is Call of Duty 4. I feel like a huge nerd because I play it so much but its so much fun. Everyone should be buying an xbox 360 and playing. The other relaxing thing is music.
I was driving in the car yesterday and I tried listening to some Bright Eyes. And I couldn't. I used to love it and I realized I have made another musical genre jump recently. I've love Radiohead and Wilco and Oasis these days. Good stuff. Oh and how I ever thought Bright Eyes was good I don't know.
Important random thought:
Near the end of high school I had a few friends I was happy with but felt like some turned their backs on me. So i decided I wouldn't care what a single person thought about me. I totally accomplished this. Its been a while since I cared what people thought or did. And no one could hurt me this way because I didn't trust anyone enough to let them be close enough. To accomplish this I pushed away the people that I was already close to. There were people who I would always care about what they thought so I pushed them away generally by being a huge ass or just completely ignoring them. Its not a bad feeling not caring but its a very empty one. Sort of like a Pyhrric victory. I accomplished what I set out to do but now its clear it wasn't the right way to live life. I feel like I have forgotten how to trust people or be close to someone and appreciate it. I don't know if I should be searching out the people like that from my past or trying to meet new people. Actually I know the answer, I should be doing both. But right now I'm still scared to be rejected. Basically where I was at the beginning. I just need to start over and branch out to new people somehow.
A side note to this is I've become very bitter to the people I hang out with regularly. Though it isn't there fault. I'm hoping to fix these things quickly because I need to feel the basic human need of enjoying the company of a fellow human being.