Fuck!
So many things I want to say. There are so many things I am holding back. I just need a hug. That's all I ever need. I just need someone to make me actually feel loved, not used.
On a different note, I am feeling a lot better about Keagan. Even if she kept me up all last night spazzing out in my belly. Tomorrow is Father's day. It's a shame she prolly won't ever get to celebrate it.
I want to go home and curl up with my cat in my old bed and feel safe and secure. That's all I ever want. I wish I had the strength to leave.
I am tired of the dreams. The ones where I am just on the sidelines. Always on the sidelines. I never feel good enough. When I get really depressed, I clean. I guess it is a way to make myself feel worthwhile in some sense.
I hate sleeping now. She is always there. Always better than I am. prettier, funnier, less to handle. She is what I want to be. She is wanted.
This hurts too much. I know, I will probably get over it in a day or so, but it hurts so much. It hurts to know someone else is living this life when I'm gone. Someone else is enjoying it. I wish I could.
On a different note, I am feeling a lot better about Keagan. Even if she kept me up all last night spazzing out in my belly. Tomorrow is Father's day. It's a shame she prolly won't ever get to celebrate it.
I want to go home and curl up with my cat in my old bed and feel safe and secure. That's all I ever want. I wish I had the strength to leave.
I am tired of the dreams. The ones where I am just on the sidelines. Always on the sidelines. I never feel good enough. When I get really depressed, I clean. I guess it is a way to make myself feel worthwhile in some sense.
I hate sleeping now. She is always there. Always better than I am. prettier, funnier, less to handle. She is what I want to be. She is wanted.
This hurts too much. I know, I will probably get over it in a day or so, but it hurts so much. It hurts to know someone else is living this life when I'm gone. Someone else is enjoying it. I wish I could.