well..............
So I have decided that Matt won't take me back and I don't think that I am okay with that. What have I done recently to hurt him? NOT A THING. But whatever. I love him more then anything in my life and i have tried and tried to explain this to him and he just won't listen. I don't know what to do. SOMEONE please help me out of this stupid life that I am living. It is so painful to hear that he loves me but doesn't want to be with me. I can't believe that it hurts so much and he knows how much it hurts cuz it's happened to him and so I KNOW that he knows how bad I am hurting right now. Whatever. Anyways, I don't think that anybody reads my journals so there is no point in me writing these, but whatever I know that I don't have any true friends but I am okay with that cuz I have gone my whole life that way, so why start having friends now? Whatever I don't even care about my life anymore. I know that sounds really depressing and emoish but it is true. If I died today nobody would care, well my parents might but other then that I have no one, but whatever. Grrr!!!! I miss Matt so much and I can't believe that we might be over forever cuz I don't think he wants me right now or possibly ever. But you know what it is his loss, not mine. All I heard was how I should give Matt a chance and I do and all he does is hurt me. Is that really fair? No it isn't. I know I hurt him, but he has hurt me more times now that I have hurt him. I know life isn't suposed to be be fair all the time, but life never being fair is not supposed to be that way. I wish my life was fair every once in while especially with the love of my life. I don't understand. SO what is the point of all this rambling? I really don't know. But that is all......... for the minute.