The First Cut Is The Deepest... I'll Try To Love Again...
Sometimes I do things I shouldn't do, I know this. We all do things that we end up regreting a minute later, accidents happen to everyone... I feel like the only person in the whole world who is never forgiven for the things I do.
I have huge bruise on my face from the other night. I never thought he would bruise me... I always thought he loved me, once again I was wrong.
I am struggling so bad with this decision. If I take Ryan to court over Aiden, we can never be together again. I can't be fighting someone in court and trying to have a relationship with them at the same time. This as explained to me today and it makes a ton of sense. I will give it awhile longer... if nothing gets better between him and I in the next 5 weeks, I am taking him to court. Then I will know whether or not we are going to be together.
...It takes 30 days to break a habit...
The doctor prescribed me some meds today. Paxil... with some luck it will turn me back into the person I used to be instead of this depressed bitch.
I tried to beat up Kalen two different times in the last three days. I drove around the block 7 million times waiting for this bitch to leave Ryan's house but she is too much of a pussy. the bitch knows I will beat her. Who the hell is she to lock Ryan's door on me and then sit there and watch movies with him? When I get my hands on this girl it's over!
All I want is Ryan, my heart is aching.
He hates me, he thinks I kicked in his door and he told his dad that I punched a hole in his wall when he is really the one that did it! His dad thinks I hit myself in the face and gave myself a bruise and they all think I am lying about almost getting car jacked. I never gave anyone a reason to think I would lie about something so serious.
I have to report to my PO tomorrow. I hope that Mike will understand about Saturday and give me another work day. I am paying to be there, I don't see why he wouldn't. Maybe I should just spend the remainder of my work days in jail... it's only 48 hours. But I think if I did that I would come out crazier than ever. I would miss Aiden like crazy.
I rearranged my living room today. It looks so good. I am such the interior decorator... lol.
I have to take Aiden over to Ryan's tomorrow. I don't know how I am going to make it. I HAVE to act like I don't care, he has to love me again. We are meant to be together.
Joel is so freaking hot... I hung out at his apartment again tonight. We got in pillow fights and threw tennis balls at eachother. They are so much funner to hang out with than Ryan and all them. They don't make me feel stupid.
Well I better go to bed... I have to get up at 830.
--> <3 Brittany
I have huge bruise on my face from the other night. I never thought he would bruise me... I always thought he loved me, once again I was wrong.
I am struggling so bad with this decision. If I take Ryan to court over Aiden, we can never be together again. I can't be fighting someone in court and trying to have a relationship with them at the same time. This as explained to me today and it makes a ton of sense. I will give it awhile longer... if nothing gets better between him and I in the next 5 weeks, I am taking him to court. Then I will know whether or not we are going to be together.
...It takes 30 days to break a habit...
The doctor prescribed me some meds today. Paxil... with some luck it will turn me back into the person I used to be instead of this depressed bitch.
I tried to beat up Kalen two different times in the last three days. I drove around the block 7 million times waiting for this bitch to leave Ryan's house but she is too much of a pussy. the bitch knows I will beat her. Who the hell is she to lock Ryan's door on me and then sit there and watch movies with him? When I get my hands on this girl it's over!
All I want is Ryan, my heart is aching.
He hates me, he thinks I kicked in his door and he told his dad that I punched a hole in his wall when he is really the one that did it! His dad thinks I hit myself in the face and gave myself a bruise and they all think I am lying about almost getting car jacked. I never gave anyone a reason to think I would lie about something so serious.
I have to report to my PO tomorrow. I hope that Mike will understand about Saturday and give me another work day. I am paying to be there, I don't see why he wouldn't. Maybe I should just spend the remainder of my work days in jail... it's only 48 hours. But I think if I did that I would come out crazier than ever. I would miss Aiden like crazy.
I rearranged my living room today. It looks so good. I am such the interior decorator... lol.
I have to take Aiden over to Ryan's tomorrow. I don't know how I am going to make it. I HAVE to act like I don't care, he has to love me again. We are meant to be together.
Joel is so freaking hot... I hung out at his apartment again tonight. We got in pillow fights and threw tennis balls at eachother. They are so much funner to hang out with than Ryan and all them. They don't make me feel stupid.
Well I better go to bed... I have to get up at 830.
--> <3 Brittany