Atul Chitnis
mmk just called and told me he passed away last night and I'm trying to make sense of it. A giant of a man. His sphere of influence is so vast, I admit I'm having to also make sense of my own voice amongst the myriad of others who have a place in their hearts for him. Like an avant garde piece of art, he was controversial. Not a pretty sculpture you can pass by, but a force that made you think, that changed your perspective, and did so alongside you, as a peer, even when he himself didn't realize it.
Atul, you had more life than so many I know. I'm not able to digest your death. I cannot even imagine the vastness of the void for your wife and daughter, for those who interacted with you on a daily basis. I sit here shedding tears I don't yet understand. It doesn't seem fair. Didn't you have more to give, more to do ? Couldn't you have waited till you were old and a little gone in the head like so many others ? I had more friendship to discover with you Atul, dammit. I guess I gotta dig up songs of Phenom and try to tell myself that I'll actually get to spend more time with "you" in your new, omnipresent state.
I've returned to this old haunt at LJ. This is where I met Atul. Where, perhaps unusually for Atul, I had the opportunity to offer him some wisdoms during a flame war. I didn't even know what a flame war was before then. We only met once. I don't think I ever gave him a hug, but I hope that my affection was evident in our conversations.
I have a bigger place in my heart for him than I had realized. I feel selfish for being out of touch for such long periods of time. But our relationship was never so much about the personal. He was a man of ideas. A man who saw the potential in people. A man who saw endless possibilities. He truly believed that people could see and act on their dreams and just through that belief many who encountered him were inspired to actually do so. He breathed a magic mix of the present and the real with the future and the imagined. And he could weave them into an action plan and execute it adeptly to make the future and the imagined into the present and the real.
Objections, fears, anxieties and hurdles seemed small and petty when laid out in conversation with him. He was so good at focusing on the big idea and holding on to it that talking to him made you realize how weak your own grasp was on the big idea of your own life. He inspired others just by being who he was - principled, focused and without ability to rationalize his way into anything less than full commitment to his beliefs.
Three and a half years ago he was my sounding board as I made a decision to switch jobs. He spent more late night hours giving me perspective on my job change than I could fathom. He was generous with his time and I am grateful. I had fully expected more exchanges with him. More wisdoms. More time shared articulating life's truths and ironies. Sharing stories and emotions, observations and ideas.
I know that when I am next at a crossroad in my life, I will have to ask myself what Atul would say. We will still be friends. And he will continue to influence who I am and shape how I think.
I am so sad that now all of these will take place in the realm of my imagination rather than in reality. I like the idea that I a can communicate with a person's spirit. If there's anyone I feel the need to exercise that option with, it's him.
And hey, Atul, while you are in your omnipresent, all powerful state, say hi to my uncle Ashok. He too was a techie with loads of ideas, wit and humour once. I bet you two would enjoy having a drink together. I look forward to joining you once I die. Cheers.
Atul, you had more life than so many I know. I'm not able to digest your death. I cannot even imagine the vastness of the void for your wife and daughter, for those who interacted with you on a daily basis. I sit here shedding tears I don't yet understand. It doesn't seem fair. Didn't you have more to give, more to do ? Couldn't you have waited till you were old and a little gone in the head like so many others ? I had more friendship to discover with you Atul, dammit. I guess I gotta dig up songs of Phenom and try to tell myself that I'll actually get to spend more time with "you" in your new, omnipresent state.
I've returned to this old haunt at LJ. This is where I met Atul. Where, perhaps unusually for Atul, I had the opportunity to offer him some wisdoms during a flame war. I didn't even know what a flame war was before then. We only met once. I don't think I ever gave him a hug, but I hope that my affection was evident in our conversations.
I have a bigger place in my heart for him than I had realized. I feel selfish for being out of touch for such long periods of time. But our relationship was never so much about the personal. He was a man of ideas. A man who saw the potential in people. A man who saw endless possibilities. He truly believed that people could see and act on their dreams and just through that belief many who encountered him were inspired to actually do so. He breathed a magic mix of the present and the real with the future and the imagined. And he could weave them into an action plan and execute it adeptly to make the future and the imagined into the present and the real.
Objections, fears, anxieties and hurdles seemed small and petty when laid out in conversation with him. He was so good at focusing on the big idea and holding on to it that talking to him made you realize how weak your own grasp was on the big idea of your own life. He inspired others just by being who he was - principled, focused and without ability to rationalize his way into anything less than full commitment to his beliefs.
Three and a half years ago he was my sounding board as I made a decision to switch jobs. He spent more late night hours giving me perspective on my job change than I could fathom. He was generous with his time and I am grateful. I had fully expected more exchanges with him. More wisdoms. More time shared articulating life's truths and ironies. Sharing stories and emotions, observations and ideas.
I know that when I am next at a crossroad in my life, I will have to ask myself what Atul would say. We will still be friends. And he will continue to influence who I am and shape how I think.
I am so sad that now all of these will take place in the realm of my imagination rather than in reality. I like the idea that I a can communicate with a person's spirit. If there's anyone I feel the need to exercise that option with, it's him.
And hey, Atul, while you are in your omnipresent, all powerful state, say hi to my uncle Ashok. He too was a techie with loads of ideas, wit and humour once. I bet you two would enjoy having a drink together. I look forward to joining you once I die. Cheers.