Creative - djembe and drawing
Been in a rather creative mood lately. A few weeks ago I felt compelled to get a djembe and it has been a wonderful toy. I've felt that it's a release for pent up creative energy. Even though I wasn't actively being creative at my previous job (what with so much LEED left-brained work to do), I had just enough outlet for it that I wasn't actively exercising the architectural and aesthetic sensibilities of my brain.
In my new job with pure management and virtually no aesthetics on a daily basis, I feel more creative. It could also be a function of the changing weather into Spring.
Rythms have been flowing out of me. 3 beat, 5 beat, 7 beat, 9 beat, and the more typical 4/4. Staying focussed on the rhythm while actively producing it is an exhilarating equivalent to consuming techno music.
Inspired by J & K, I took out my old sketch books. From school days under Solomon Vedamuthu (bless his name), and from Denmark. I had forgotten that I had drawn anything at all while in Italy and England, but I am so glad that I did. It has been 5 years since I put pen to paper in any meaningful manner. The time has returned.
Right now, I am opting to do some office work rather than invest in my own creativity. Although sleep may still amazingly take priority. And of course procrastinating on it all by writing on LJ!
I feel sad that I have forgotten how to feel. The poetry of my soul has definitely been diminished since my education. I am peturbed because I feel quite sure that there is no way of getting it back. On the one hand feeling too much was also accompanied by feelings of pain and insecurity. And I wonder now whether diminishing those negative feelings simply went inevitably hand in hand with diminishing all feeling. I wish I could experience a new era of feeling life's poetry, without feeling life's pain. I would have to do something about it, and already I feel the heavy hand of hopelessness.
Feeling used to be accompanied by clear verbal ability for me. No more now. Feeling is more often now accompanied by fuzziness of articulation. While I used to be too verbose, I could at least extract the words. Now my right brain often stomps over the left brain to experience things that I cannot record, cannot document, cannot capture with words, and therefore cannot capture with memory.
Not only are the feelings dying or dead to a large extent, so too is the memory, or the ability to make memories of feelings that I do have. Thus is it a cyclical process. My nerve endings fray, and I am not able to reinforce any neuronal connections that I do make.
Soon I will dedicate some time to sketching and see if I can't revive some neural pathways.
I would like to travel again, to lands that make me feel. And yet I wonder if I can feel again, the way I used to. And if I would have time to feel even if I did, given that I have a child. Childcare will absorb any available time to foster those feelings. There wouldn't be time to sketch, draw or experience the feelings that I may vaguely be aware of having. And if I wait until after she's out of the house, will I simply be even further removed from my ability to experience them, or be able to draw and seek within myself and the eye of my soul ?
In my new job with pure management and virtually no aesthetics on a daily basis, I feel more creative. It could also be a function of the changing weather into Spring.
Rythms have been flowing out of me. 3 beat, 5 beat, 7 beat, 9 beat, and the more typical 4/4. Staying focussed on the rhythm while actively producing it is an exhilarating equivalent to consuming techno music.
Inspired by J & K, I took out my old sketch books. From school days under Solomon Vedamuthu (bless his name), and from Denmark. I had forgotten that I had drawn anything at all while in Italy and England, but I am so glad that I did. It has been 5 years since I put pen to paper in any meaningful manner. The time has returned.
Right now, I am opting to do some office work rather than invest in my own creativity. Although sleep may still amazingly take priority. And of course procrastinating on it all by writing on LJ!
I feel sad that I have forgotten how to feel. The poetry of my soul has definitely been diminished since my education. I am peturbed because I feel quite sure that there is no way of getting it back. On the one hand feeling too much was also accompanied by feelings of pain and insecurity. And I wonder now whether diminishing those negative feelings simply went inevitably hand in hand with diminishing all feeling. I wish I could experience a new era of feeling life's poetry, without feeling life's pain. I would have to do something about it, and already I feel the heavy hand of hopelessness.
Feeling used to be accompanied by clear verbal ability for me. No more now. Feeling is more often now accompanied by fuzziness of articulation. While I used to be too verbose, I could at least extract the words. Now my right brain often stomps over the left brain to experience things that I cannot record, cannot document, cannot capture with words, and therefore cannot capture with memory.
Not only are the feelings dying or dead to a large extent, so too is the memory, or the ability to make memories of feelings that I do have. Thus is it a cyclical process. My nerve endings fray, and I am not able to reinforce any neuronal connections that I do make.
Soon I will dedicate some time to sketching and see if I can't revive some neural pathways.
I would like to travel again, to lands that make me feel. And yet I wonder if I can feel again, the way I used to. And if I would have time to feel even if I did, given that I have a child. Childcare will absorb any available time to foster those feelings. There wouldn't be time to sketch, draw or experience the feelings that I may vaguely be aware of having. And if I wait until after she's out of the house, will I simply be even further removed from my ability to experience them, or be able to draw and seek within myself and the eye of my soul ?